The Murderer Doctor and the Singing Saint

Chapter 2: Saint Arisa (2)

I couldn’t remember why I had done it.

All that remained in my memory was the sudden surge of murderous intent that overwhelmed me, the crimson haze that clouded my vision like splattered blood, and the chilling scream that rang out as everything else faded into silence.

When I came to my senses, the man before me was already dead—his body mutilated, hacked to pieces.

He was still gripping a sword tightly, as if he had tried to resist until his final breath.

“Huff… huff…”

I collapsed to the ground as if I had fallen from the sky. My head throbbed, and my stomach churned like I would vomit any moment.

The man hadn’t done anything to harm me. In fact, he’d invited me out for a walk, saying I looked like I was having a hard time.

Why did I kill him? Why?

Blood from the corpse seeped into the hem of my robe.

‘I have to run.’

If someone saw this, they’d report me immediately. The crime of killing an innocent person wasn’t light—I'd likely rot in prison for life, or be executed outright.

That couldn’t happen. There were still people who needed my help. I hadn’t saved nearly enough lives to atone for the ones I’d taken.

I hadn’t fulfilled the life Kiru had wanted to live.

I forced myself to my feet and stumbled away from the scene on trembling legs.

I discarded the sword I always carried for self-defense. I thought that by getting rid of it, I wouldn’t harm anyone again.

I traveled to as many villages as I could, trying to wash away even a fraction of my sins.

But as if mocking my efforts, I soon found myself slitting the throat of a patient with my scalpel during surgery.

Fortunately, no one had been present to witness it, and I escaped.

But I couldn’t keep running anymore.

No… I didn’t even want to.

If this was my true nature, then I had no right to be a doctor—I deserved to be punished.

And yet, I still wanted to know what this murderous impulse truly was. Why was I overcome with bloodlust toward the innocent? Was it really just a leftover habit from my days as a mercenary?

Suddenly, I remembered the Saint I had met eight years ago.

It wasn’t just her mesmerizing emerald eyes that came to mind.

Maybe—just maybe—that Saint would be able to identify the source of this wretched instinct rooted deep within my heart.

I threw my blood-soaked scalpel to the ground and set out to find her.

***

It had been eight years since I last saw her.

I had assumed she would’ve risen to power by now, serving alongside the Pope with greater divine power, but to think she was living in seclusion in such a remote place…

The mansion she resided in was surrounded by towering stone walls, exuding an aura that seemed to forbid even a glance inside.

As I approached the gate, the paladins guarding the estate stepped forward.

“What business do you have here?”

“I’ve come to see the Saint.”

“Apologies, but outsiders are not permitted to meet with Her Holiness without permission.”

“Please tell her this: the man she saved eight years ago—Kiru—has come looking for her.”

The paladin nodded and went inside. I sat down, leaning against the stone wall near the gate as I waited.

A chuckle escaped me. There was no way she still remembered me after all this time.

I was just about to turn back when the gate opened.

“Kiru!”

To my surprise, it was Arisa herself who greeted me.

Her platinum-blonde hair was tied and draped over her shoulder. She had matured, but her beauty remained unchanged.

“You remembered me?”

“Of course. Very few people have songs as beautiful as yours.”

Her radiant smile pierced me like a dagger.

“Even now… you can still hear a beautiful song from me?”

“Of course.”

For a moment, I began to doubt her. How could she hear a beautiful song from someone like me who had murdered innocent people?

But I’d come this far—I couldn’t turn back now. Holding on to a fragile hope, I followed her into the mansion.

“It’s been a long time, Kiru.”

The steward greeted me politely. It was surprising that even he remembered me, not just Arisa.

Curious, I asked him,

“How do you remember me? I was just one of the many who passed through this place.”

“Lady Arisa often spoke of you. She always said she wanted to meet again the one whose song left such an impression on her.”

That song again. I almost laughed at how absurd it sounded.

Arisa led me to a reception room inside the mansion. Once the steward brought out tea and withdrew, Arisa began to speak.

“I can’t tell you how much I missed your song.”

“…I see.”

“You must’ve been through a lot since then, haven’t you? The way you speak and dress—it’s like you’ve become a completely different person. But the song I hear from you is unchanged. No… it’s even more beautiful than before.”

I couldn’t say a word.

I wondered—how would this pure, innocent Saint react if she heard that I’d killed people?

As if reading my thoughts, Arisa spoke.

“Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?”

“You heard it?”

“Yes. Songs never lie.”

Funny. To me, the song was the biggest lie of all.

But I stayed quiet, sipping my tea, not wanting to provoke another long sermon.

“Is this a confession?”

“There’s no need for one. It’s just you and me here.”

“Then treat it like a confession and listen. I want to tell you what’s been tormenting me.”

Arisa’s round eyes gazed intently at me.

I lowered my head. Telling the truth felt like I would be defiling her spirit.

After watching me for a moment, Arisa called for her steward.

“Steward, are you there?”

“Yes, My Lady. You called?”

“Would you bring a string instrument from my room, please?”

“Right away.”

It wasn’t long before the steward returned with an instrument. Arisa immediately began to pluck its strings gently.

A sweet melody wrapped around my heart.

“I’ll wait for you to speak. Take your time.”

She continued playing with her eyes closed, calm and serene.

Yeah… I couldn’t keep it hidden forever. Might as well just say it.

“…I killed someone.”

Arisa’s hands froze mid-note. The sudden silence gripped my chest like a vice.

But I continued, more clearly now, making sure she understood every word.

“I killed an innocent person.”

“Judging by your song, that’s not a lie.”

“At first, I butchered someone with my sword. So I threw the sword away, thinking I couldn’t kill without it. But then… I slit someone’s throat with a scalpel.”

“…Ah…”

A faint sigh escaped her lips.

She must despise me now.

“I’m a murderer. I killed innocent people. And you say I have a beautiful song? That’s ridiculous.”

I sat quietly, waiting for Arisa to respond.

But she simply closed her eyes and smiled gently.

I couldn’t understand it. I should be the object of her disgust, yet she wore a calm, warm smile.

And then she began to play again.

It was that same peaceful melody I’d heard before.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Shh. Just listen to the music for now.”

Her slender fingers danced softly along the strings. The hatred and guilt that had stained my heart began to melt away.

So I covered my ears. I had no right to peace. I was a sinner. I didn’t even deserve to hear her song.

“Why are you covering your ears?”

“Because… I don’t deserve to hear your song.”

“That’s not true.”

She was far too serene. To play music so calmly in front of a murderer?

Arisa gently touched the strings once more, then opened her mouth and began to sing.

Her beautiful voice tickled my soul. I couldn’t bear it anymore—I slammed my hands on the table and stood up, shouting.

“I’m a murderer! How can you act so calmly?!”

“Because I feel like you’re missing something important. Kiru, why did you enter medical school?”

To carry on the will of a dear friend who died because of me. To fulfill the dream of the person closest to me.

But there was no need to say it aloud.

“It was nothing.”

“That’s a lie.”

Those deep emerald eyes stared into mine.

Of course, trying to lie to a Saint was foolish.

“…I wanted to save people.”

“I hear a strange melody. It’s not a lie, but… it’s a sound I’ve never heard before.”

She tilted her head curiously, seemingly fascinated.

But I, unable to hear any of it, only felt frustrated.

“Saint Arisa. The reason I came to you is simple. I want to know what this murderous impulse is. If I can understand that, I don’t care if I’m punished. I’ll even end my own life.”

“Don’t say such horrible things. Even the gods wouldn’t want you to do that.”

“Then… can you find out why I lose control like that?”

It was beyond rude, barging in and demanding answers to something she hadn’t even witnessed.

But Arisa still thought about it seriously—for my sake.

“I don’t know yet. The beautiful song I hear from you hasn’t changed, and your past doesn’t suggest anything unusual.”

“So even you don’t know…”

“But there’s still one way.”

She set the instrument down and reached her hand toward me.

“When I touch someone, I can hear the deepest part of their inner song. If I hear that, maybe I’ll understand why you did what you did.”

She wanted to look into my unconscious mind.

It didn’t feel pleasant, but I had no other option.

I slowly reached my hand out toward Arisa.

“I’m a little nervous, too. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to someone’s deepest sound.”

Her hand approached mine. Her fair, delicate hand was the complete opposite of my scarred one.

And then, on the table, our hands touched.

“Ugh… Aaah…”

With a groan of pain, Arisa collapsed to the floor.