The Hotel for Hazbins

[ksssh] ₦Ø ₴ł₲₦₳Ⱡ…[ksssh]

!!!₴ł₲₦₳Ⱡ ĐɆ₮Ɇ₵₮ɆĐ!!!

[ksssh] ĐØ ɎØɄ ₴ł₦₦ɆⱤ₴…[ksssh]

~~~~~~~~~

"Lilith?"

His stared as his ex-wife paced around him, still lingering in the fog with occasional flashes of her eye. He reached out towards her silhouette in an attempt to make sure she was real and that she was truly there. What met his fingers was nothing, just him phasing through.

She wasn't truly here.

"Lilith? Where are you?" His voice sounded small, yet full of hope and sadness. It had been a long time, at least fourteen years, since his wife had left him high and dry.

"Where have you been all this time? Where are you now?" He asked again, desperation creeping into his voice. "Please answer."

"Oh, my dear Luci," his ex-wife laughed, an ominous, melodic sound in the clearing. "I just came here to ask you something."

"Yes…?" He asked hesitantly.

"Make sure she's safe."

"What- WAIT, LILITH! COME BACK!" 

His ex-wife disappeared with her eyes and mouth glowing purple and the horns on her head growing as the fog receded, leaving him standing there, looking around in shock.

"Well, that was weird." Lucifer said. Unable to fully process what had happened, he fixed his hat before walking to the hotel.

~~~~~~~~~

[ksssh] ₦Ø ₴ł₲₦₳Ⱡ…[ksssh]

!!!₴ł₲₦₳Ⱡ ĐɆ₮Ɇ₵₮ɆĐ!!!

[ksssh]

…

"Do you wayward sinners like violence, death, and gore? What if I told you there was a place that had NONE of that?"

"Come to the Hotel for Hazbins——or Hazbin Hotel for short——, led by our sad excuse for a king and my next victi——uh, business partner! Watch as he tries to fix his relationship and depression issues by fixing YOU!"

"Socialize with our darling maid NIFFTY, our not-mentally-okay bartender, and our newest resident! WOW! Get CUSTOM ROOMS [prepared BY ME] with twenty-four hour PEST CONTROL! Call the front desk at XXX-XXX-XXXX or stop by! None of us care! Most of us DON'T bite [I think]!"

~~~~~~~~~

"So…what do you think?"

He stood near the gawking crowd in front of him, hands wrapped together neatly behind his back. Lucifer was sitting in the middle of one of the couches, staring at the screen with wide eyes and his mouth parted in surprise. Piles of rubber ducks had appeared near him in his shock. The cat was draped on one of the couches, tail flicking lazily in the air.

"I think it's…" Lucifer began.

"——bad." Husker said.

"——horrible!" Angel chimed in.

Niffty walked up and peered up at him with her big eye. "Bad boy energy." She commented before sitting down again.

"I…think it's okay," Lucifer said, shaking his hands from side-to-side. "But, Alastor, we're trying to gain new patrons, not drive them away."

"Well, my dear, you should know that I haven't been active in Hell for quite some time, and you all were intending to use this noisy picture box instead of a radio, the proper media to express oneself."

The tension in the room was heavy, and he merely focused his attention on his friend. Lucifer was looking slightly uncomfortable, and about to say something, when——

"How did the meeting between you and Heaven go, Luce?" Husker asked, smacking his tail against the side of the couch.

Another rubber duck materialized besides him. "Uhhh…well…the Extermination is…kind of happening in six months." He muttered.

"IT'S WHAT?" Husker asked. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A YEAR!"

"Well, ya had less than half a chance when you started all this 'salvation' bull, short King. Ain't no silver king this time, toots." Angel commented.

"Well, I'm sure there is, after all…it…wasn't a surprise…?" He asked weakly.

"BREAKING NEWS!" Some mantis demon's voice broke through the room. "OUR ABSENT KING MET WITH HEAVEN AND GOT THE EXTERMINATION MOVED UP!"

In the room, the sounds of phones buzzing filled the room, and Alastor found himself slightly folding his ears back against his head.

"Well, sounds like a lot of sinners sure are desperate. Possibly desperate enough to try redemption?" Alastor commented sarcastically.

"You're right!" Lucifer said, snapping his fingers. "Maybe they are!"

"Do you really wanna go out in all'o tis?" Angel said, waving his phone.

"Well, it's not like people are gonna show up on our doorstep-" Alastor began.

A loud boom interrupted him and some of the hotel members including their maid ran outside.

"BAD BOY~!" Niffty screeched. "Oh, it's a bad girl." She grumped, stomping away. Alastor watched her before turning to look at the figure.

"Show yourself, you radio witch! Oh, there you are." The cyclops lady was back, holding a ticking bomb in her hand again. Jeez, did she ever let go of it?

"Who are you?" He asked, waving his hand lazily through the air.

"Uh, we fought like yesterday? I…nearly exploded your boyfriend? The name's Cherri Bomb?"

Alastor tilted his head, eyes squinting in thought. "What?"

"He's not my boyfriend." Lucifer growled. 

"Arsonist! BRILLANT bomb tinkerer?"

"Well, if that's true, you would've thought I had heard of you." Alastor said.

"I attacked you all like, yesterday. We've fought like…three times?"

"Well you must've been really bad at this." He inspected the tip of his gloves.

"Silence! Now cower! When I have slain you, the Vees shall finally recognize me!"

"Ooh, who are the Vees?" Niffty asked, her singular eye squinting. "Some bad boooys~"

"Oh, nobody important." He shrugged, tapping his cane on the ground and tripping her.

She stumbled and ended up at his feet. "Thank you…for letting down your guard! Haha!" She tore off a little of his coat. 

His antlers lengthened and she was blasted away in a burst of green magic.

"Ah, I do so love getting to exercise!"

~~~~~~~~~

"VoxTech security! Trust us…"

"This week's episode of 'the Cannibal Conumdrum'…"

"VoxTech designer…"

"…trust us…"

"Hahaha! Now that's good television!" He grinned, tapping his fingers on the desk and watching all of the TVs as the data transferred to his head. His head buzzed, and he tapped two fingers to his forehead and sending it to one of the screens.

"Ah, hello, Velvette! How are you this Hellish morning?"

"Oh, cut the chip, Vox. I need you here now."

He grabbed his mug, tapping the side before taking a loooooong sip just to anger the woman before he responded.

"Whatever could be the problem?"

"Your little boyfriend is wrecking my department while I was working and——"

The doll was suddenly interrupted by his friend's cursing and yelling.

"Just get your butt here NOW, before I go and DRAG YOU HERE! DAMN IT VALENTINO!" She quickly ended the call.

"Ah, here I go, 'here I go, Valentino'. Hey-hey-hey, just another duckin' day with Val. Duck my life."

The elevator doors opened before him, letting his pale blue shoes clack on the floor as he walked towards his partner's office. 

"Mr. Vox! What are your thoughts on the new Extermination deadline?" A reporter rudely interrupted him, holding a microphone up to his face.

"My fellow demons! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new upcoming threat, we are shifting back our focus to your protection. We are pleased to announce that ToxTek Angelic Security is coming soon! Trust us, with your safety." His left eye widened and started spinning, hypnotizing any watching crowds.

"Uh, sir, when did we start working on Angelic Security?" One of his souls asked meekly.

"Thirty seconds ago. Try to get Carmilla on the phone and cancel all of my appointments today. I have a fire to put out upstairs." He felt the soothing lull of the electricity in the video camera, and he turned himself into electricity and traveled to his partners' rooms.

Vile was standing in front of a mirror when he found her. She was busy screaming at some of her employees.

"…WRIST RUFFLES? IS THIS 1750? BURN IT LIKE THE WITCHES WHO WORE IT!" She screamed.

"Vile!" He tried putting a cheerful tone into his voice. "I see you're busy. Would you mind telling me where our hot-headed friend is now?"

"The lovely damsel is up in his tower, waiting for a certain flat-faced prince to calm him down." The sarcasm laced in her voice phased right through him.

"What's got him out of sorts today?"

"Who knows, and he FRICKING TORE UP my BEST MODEL! It can't wait for her to pull herself back together. Lise! Get over here!"

The cheetah demon nervously stepped onto the platform, and as he walked away, he heard her talking about outfits. Two moth demons opened the door for him when he got up. 

Red smoke filled the room, brushing lightly against his screen and rolling around the room in soft-looking waves. A large, hulking silhouette rose up off of the couch.

"FINALLY! Kitty! Another drink!"

The robot from Mammon nodded, grabbing the tray and quickly running away. "Can you believe what that guy did? The ungrateful WITCH!"

"Um, which witch are we talking about again?" He asked, bringing out his phone and activating a fan to blow away all of the smoke. He failed to notice Valentino stalking over to him, and the moth hit the side of his phone and broke it against the wall.

My phone…

"Um, which witch are we talking about again?"

"Fricking HUSKER!"

"Husker QUIT?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound too hopeful.

"NO! He didn't quit! It's MUCH WORSE! He moved! He walked out on me! That fricking runt! I made him! Without me, he'd just be some random witch with some mildly entertaining looks! He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go back there! Can you BELIEVE him? He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer!"

"Husk is…living with Lucifer?"

"YES! He's got this bad hotel and——"

He whipped out two guns out of his closet, posing with them in one pair of his arms. "Which one makes me look hotter?" He grinned, golden tooth glinting in the light.

"What are you doing, Val? You're not going over there." His left eye started attempting to hypnotize him.

"That slippery think is gonna remember who owns him and that witch Angel Dust! I'm gonna mess up everyone in that place, I swear to God!"

Vox lunged and grabbed his wings, pinning them to his side. "VAL. Hehehe, think about it," he walked the moth over to the window, showcasing the aftermath of the Extermination. "Our brand is perfection. What do you think chasing rebelling souls around town is going to do to our image?"

"Um…mess it up?"

Vox played a casino winnning sound effect. "RIGHT! Do you want people thinking that you can't control your employees?"

"No!"

"Exactly! And hey, you still have him and that other soul under contract. They aren't going anywhere. So…you should…do…?"

"Nothing?"

He played the sound effect again. "Great idea! Now that's why they pay you the big bucks." 

"I really wanted to shoot somebody though…"

"I'm sure we can find a lowest earner this month. Let me just…" He walked over to a TV, and started typing on the screen.

"You know…Husk and Angel aren't the only ones rooming with el diablo."

"Oh, and who else is there? Someone who owes you money?"

Valentino chuckled. "Someone who owes us something more than money…the Radio Demon."

Vox's eye twitched and he sliced his claws through the desk. "Ahahaha…what did you say?" His eye rotated, putting some of his power into the hypnosis.

"You heard me."

"Alastor…" Vox stomped up to him. "Came back…and is with Lucifer…and that…WASN'T THE FIRST FRICKING THING YOU TOLD ME?"

"Hey, killing Alastor is your interest." Valentino said.

Vox pulled up a video of the hotel. It showed that pathetic cyclops being beat up by the demon. 

"Alastor? I think she's had enough."

"Naw, I think she's got some more hits in 'er."

"Well, looks like I need a trip to the tailor! Best of luck, chums."

Alastor unfortunately left the screen, displaying the cat demon that Valentino hated. 

"Heya, sweet cheeks. Doing anything later?" Husker said over recording. Valentino scowled.

"Look how he flirts with that guy! And he's not even paying!"

Vox was glaring down at his claw marks, eyes twitching. He started back up at the screen. "That flipper is back!1"

"Yeah, I thought he was gone too~"

"It's been fourteen years!"

"You still angry he almost beat you that time?" Valentino preened, rubbing the side of his screen. Vox waved his hand away.

"Um, frick you!"

"Just sayin~"

"Things have changed a lot since he left town!"

"That's for sure."

"Gotta send a message of who's REALLY in charge of things now!"

He disappeared into the TV and reappeared outside of his TV room, grinning. "Welcome home! I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone! Say hello to a new status quo~" He pressed a red button and continued downloading data. "Everyone knows that there's a brand-new dawn, turn the tv OOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!"

"Camera, speeds, rolling in three, two, one…" 

"Welcome to the show~" The jingle ran out from the background.

"Top of the hour! Today we're discussing a new HAS-BEEN who has been spotted cavorting around town after a fourteen-year absence, did anybody miss him, did anyone notice? More on tonight's program…"

He gestured to one of the background people underneath the table, and they popped up an image on the screen.

"Sooo the Radio Demon's back in town, why is he hanging around? What does that mean for your family? Well handily, I've got good news! He's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to stand hostile, but the DEMON IS A COWARD! You can take that as gospel. Pulling my viewers? IMPOSSIBLE! I'm visual, he's barely audible! Stop giving him the time of day! Don't listen to a word he'd say, I hope he had a nice vacay, but he should have stayed away!"

"While he hid in radio, we pivoted to video! Now his medium is getting bloody rare!" He brought out a plate of bloody venison before handing it off to an employee. "Hell's been better since he split, where's he been, and who gives a chip?" He danced up to Valentino and Vile, who were busy tapping away on phones. He jumped them and hugged them from behind.

He was about to continue singing when his connection to the TVs was suddenly cut off, and the speakers acted up. A smooth, familiar accented voice kicked in.

"Salutations! Good to be back on the air! Yes, I know it's been a while since someone with STYLE treated Hell to a broadcast! Sinners rejoice!"

"What a dated voice!" He cut in.

"At least I'm not a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast."

"Come on!"

"Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure? Flitting between fad and that, is nothing working?"

"IGNORE HIS CHIRPING!" Vox growled, jumping through the electricity and in front of the nearest radio he could find. 

"Every day he's got a new format~!"

"You're looking at the future——he's the chip that comes before that!"

"Is Vox as strong as he purport, or is it based on his support? He'd be powerless without the other Vees!"

"Oh please!"

"And here's the sugar on the cream——he asked ME to join his team~!" Alastor called.

Vox could feel the smugness lacing his ex-friend's voice. It had been fourteen years, but the memories still…

"Hold on!" Vox sang desperately.

"I said NO and now he's angry, that's the tea!"

"Yo-y-y-ou old timey witch! I'll show you suffering!"

"Uh-oh, the TV is buffering!"

"I-I-I'll destroy you, y—y-y-you little——" He cut off the power of Pentagram City, screen glitching rapidly.

The TVs suddenly activated and it displayed the inside of Alastor's radio tower. He was hunched over the desk, staring at his drone with a hungry look.

"Let's begin…I'm gonna make you wish that I'd S̸̛͍̞̖̀̀̚T̴̜̱̔A̵̳̰͗͑͑̚Y̷̢͈̣̓͘͜E̷̽͜͠Ḑ̶̠͋ ̵̥̪̊G̸̡̞̒̎O̶̱̟͉͠Ṉ̴͗E̸͖͓̒͐͋͜…tune on in," He set his cane down, and his body began mutating. His eyes started glowing and his mouth unhinged, filling the room behind him with an eerie glow. "W̸̨̝͗͊̉͊H̷̡̹̀̀͒E̴̝͉̊̊Ṇ̶̪̓͒̎̚ ̸͙̓Í̴̗̽'̷͖̦̟́̀͊̈́M̶̯̜̦̖͗́͛ ̸̬̺͓̌͑̀͂Ḓ̸̣̌͑̎O̸̧͙̽̒N̷͎̖̪̜̈́̃̇͐E̵͙̿…̸̫̻͂̂̕͜.̴̡̩̘̳̓̏́̓" Alastor's form grew in size until he was taking up the entire screen, with his antlers extending past the edges of the TVs. His bones were glowing and he was bleeding from multiple places. "Your status quo will know that its race is run…oh this will be F̷̫͒̓̃̓Ủ̶̖̬͙͎N̴͇̋̕͜.̴̧̹̜͠" His friend cackled before the screen turned off.

Vox stared at the screen in surprise."FFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was fun.

With a deep breath, he shrank down to his normal size and his demonic features returned to normal. Alastor walked down the steps of his radio tower to the bottom, where he faded into the shadows and teleported outside. Ah, how entertaining it could be to watch these wayward Sinners figure out new ways to die before they thought he would see them. Burning there, stabbing there…ooh, disemboweling across the street! 

His neck elongated and snapped backwards to stare at his "stalker", his glowing skeletal head started to change. He started bleeding from his hair, eyes, and mouth, with his sclera bleeding black and into the blood as his eyes shifted to radio dials. He hummed a tune, like a child singing in a park. His presence grew, making his body seem bigger than it was. He shifted, still humming, into a large grin seeming forced. The blood dripped, starting to flood the alleyway.

"My dear, don't be scared. Come out, come out, I just want to play~" Resuming his humming, the blood pooling at his feet, he scanned the area. The stench of rotting flesh filled the alley. He smiled, but this time it wasn't forced. "What's wrong, my dear?"

The girl had no reaction to his intimidation, merely taking a step back. She wore a raggedy sweater-looking thing over a red dress, with…birch [?] tree branches growing out of her body. She wore an animal-like black mask with red slits for her eyes and mouth, much like the Exorcist masks he'd seen. She also had a frayed rope that was tied around her neck——ah, so she most likely was hanged or hanged herself.

He cackled for a moment before snapping his fingers and wrapping her up with his shadows like a spider would a fly. As he started walking towards the hotel, he hummed a melody.

Alastor's shadow opened the door for him and his victim, and he couldn't help but glance over at the ragtag group of sinners that resided in the Hotel. There was something off though…a familiar buzzing was coming from one of the sinners in the crowd…

"Lucifer, mon cheri, why is there an extra sinner?"

"Well, this is Cherri Bomb, remember, Al? She came over a few moments ago while you were off doing a song battle a broadcast."

"Ah, well, you can't just blindly trust any sinner that wanders upon the Hotel. What if she were here as a double agent?"

He focused a red-eyed unblinking stare on the one-eyed sinner.

"Exactly! Luce, I like you, but you can be so naive sometimes. You're, like, the original Sin, can't you tell if she's lyin' or something?" Husker asked, waving his hands around.

"Ah, Mr. Radio Demon, sir, I am sorry for attacking the Hotel and ruining your very lovely coat. Oh, and calling you a witch. Here…"

She hesitantly held out a piece of light pink fabric to him, which he took, inspecting it.

"Ah, thank you dear. Not many people have been able to get this much off me! This must've meant very much to you." He allowed a sympathetic look to cross his face before he called on his magic and burnt the piece of fabric.

Cherri Bomb stared at it, dumbfounded. 

"Hey, Al, who's the girl?" Lucifer questioned, pointing a clawed, gloved finger at the runaway demon.

She was just about to reach the door when she ran into some demon who was just walking in. The two fell down to the ground in a pile, with two loud "oof" sounds.

"Wait!" His prey called. "I-I've come here to help with the Hotel! I want to work here!"

"Really?" Lucifer squealed.

Alastor sighed, rolling his red eyes. Sometimes his friend could be so trusting.

"Well, since we have new residents and workers, I want to start our first redemption activity. Thanks to our busboy/receptionist——Alastor, I have decided to make a commercial for the Hotel. I want you all to work together to give descriptions of what we're going to do here, why we do it, and what might happen if it does come true. Now, good luck my friends! I trust you all!"

Lucifer flashed them all a big smile and thumbs up before he ran up to his room.

~~~~~~~~~

Husker laid on the couch, watching them do the last editing of the commercial. He watched the rest of his fellow demons with a fond smile, watching as Alastor was sitting on one of the couches shining his hooves. The new worker at the hotel, Mimic, was sitting over near the bar, with a glass of a drink on there as she watched Niffty scuttle around chasing bugs. Their new resident, Luna, was over by the computer with Angel working on it. Cherri Bomb was looking around in some emotion that he couldn't quite identify. 

 Although Husker used to be a gambling Overlord, and very good at telling emotions and reading faces, Cherri Bomb was for some reason unreadable.

 The cyclops slinked up the stairs to her new room, and he managed to follow her by sneaking up the stairs after her. He peeked into her room, watching her flit around her room, moving around certain objects before looking around and bringing out a piece of technology.

 "I KNEW IT!" He burst in through the door, pointing his paw at the frozen-in-fear cyclops. "YOU LYING SNEAK!" He hissed, pinning his ears back and fluffing up his tail. From the commotion in the room, he could see all of the people in the Hotel race up the room.

 Cherri Bomb's eye widened, and she revealed a wristwatch and she pressed a button on the side. 

 "Abort! Abort! Agent Bomb needs a rescue! Abort!"

 A TV man appeared on the screen of the watch, looking bored. "Are you serious? I-it's only been a day! Hahaha! I'm going to be leaving you there, witch. Let them kill you, and if they don't DO IT YOURSELF."

 The watch fizzled and Cherri Bomb dropped it on the floor. She stared at it before she walked up to them sadly, sinking down on the floor and curling up.

 "Just make it quick." She sniffed.

 Lucifer appeared out of the corner of his eye and moved to hold a hand out to the cyclops.

 "It starts with sorry,1" he began. Cherri Bomb looked up at him with tears leaking out of the corner of her eye. "That's your foot in the door, one simple sorry, spoken straight from your core," He helped up the cyclops, and he started twirling around and sending out a little path of pink sparkles. "The path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts——but sorry is where it starts…" 

 "Who could forgive a dirtbag like me?" Cherri Bomb asked, reaching a hand out to them. "I don't deserve your amnesty~"

 "Can't we just kill her? Shoot her and spill her blood?" Husker, Mimic and Angel growled, Angel sporting guns in each hand with Mimic's branches turning into sharp knives.

 "That's an option you could choose…" Lucifer started hesitantly.

 "Works for us!" They growled.

 "But who hasn't been in his shoes~?" Lucifer said, slightly moving with his hands slightly spread out. "It starts with sorry!"

 "Sorry!" Cherri reached towards Husker with a pleading gaze.

 "Dig down deeper and say one SINCERE SORRY!" Lucifer said encouragingly.

 "I'm so sorry!" Cherri pleaded in a dramatic pose, with Husker and Mimic supporting her from falling.

 "And your journey's underway. It'll take time to cover your sins!"

 "It'll take time to cover my sins!" Cherri sang.

 "But sorry is where it begins~ It starts with sorry!" They both sang.

 "Okay, time for bed." Alastor's radio voice crackled through the room, shooing all of them [or so he thought] outside for dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He looked to see if any others were still in the room before he walked over and grabbed the watch lying on the floor.

Alastor cringed back at the weight of the technology in his hand, but he pressed the button to turn it on anyway.

"WHAT?" His rival growled, turning towards the screen with his left eye rotating. "Oh, uh——Alastor!"

"You'll have to try harder than that, old pal!" He clenched his fist, breaking the watch in his hand and listening to Vox's electronic scream. He let go of his radio voice, cackling in his true voice before teleporting into the shadows.

He failed to notice his shadow in one of the shadows, smiling hungrily as he faded away.