No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode 48

Have I mentioned that because I’ve liked men to the bone, I actually had a lot of female friends?

Ever since my great-grandfather passed away, I never hid the fact that I like men. To women, I was someone who couldn’t be a romantic partner or rival, so we got along well instead. There were many girls who would party noisily at the house my hyungs gave me, not caring whether they were male or female, and then fall asleep in any room. 

Then I would go to a hotel with my partner. 

Why would I spend the night together with the girls?

Ah, well, if we don’t do anything, I could sleep together with them.

‘Why make your lower body disappointed for no reason?’

Anyway, although I have quite a disillusioned feeling about romance as a chess game, it’s not like I haven’t been in romantic relationships.

I’ve been in them, so I’m closer to being sick and tired of them.

‘Come to think of it, it’s enough to be sick and tired.’

Because I kept collecting trash as trash, I saw quite a lot of messy sights.

My boyfriends were like they received a script or something, telling me not to hang out with my female friends. Of course, as much as I liked men, I was also wary of male friends. Every time that happened, I found it funny.

‘Who are you to say that?’

If I lose both male and female friends, I just become a person with no friends. 

Maybe they wanted to isolate me, but I wasn’t someone who would simply fall for such shallow tricks.

The more they tried to suppress me, the more I played around like a loach, that’s what I’m saying.

Of course, I didn’t do anything my conscience would be ashamed of looking up at the sky. If it wasn’t a mutually agreed upon relationship, I never touched another guy while seeing one.

But my past boyfriends, who were experts at misunderstandings and delusions, wanted to punish me every time I went out of their control, in other words, every time I threw parties, danced and played with my friends.

Even though I was the top, the partners were usually manly and well-built giants, so I lost in fist fights.

I was hit often, and each time, I would kneel at their feet with a wry smile, show my bruised cheek, and rummage through their crotch.

Then they would curse at me, calling me a bad bastard, and moan in pleasure.

‘Wow, looking back now, I was a legendary piece of trash.’

Anyway, I was hit often. But the reason I didn’t break up was because they didn’t say they wanted to break up and I had no reason to either.

Honestly, we were both in a crazy relationship.

But I found it cute, naughty, and pitiful how they struggled to somehow win over me with their fists. Even when they threatened that they could kill me anytime because they were bigger and stronger, I found it ridiculous and pathetic.

Because they couldn’t do that to me.

They were beneath me. Not in terms of top or bottom in bed, but emotionally they had already lost to me. They knew it and I knew it. The reason for their defeat was because they loved me. Since I didn’t love them, I could organize the relationship and live well whenever they said they wanted to break up. But they couldn’t do that.

So I pitied them. Every time they hit me, I could see their guts being crushed one by one, so I even felt a little sorry for them.

‘And I almost got stabbed because of that… Well, that’s how it was.’

So from then on, I never dated kids who clung to me saying they liked me. I only had partner relationships and cut them off if burdensome feelings started to develop. I also met only one-night stands by picking them out. My friends liked the parties I hosted and I was always lost in pleasure and indulgence.

Then friends who met a good match and turned over a new leaf preached to me about how great love is. But I enjoyed relationships that were sweet for a moment when put on the tongue like sugar and then crumbled more. I learned that after several failures. That’s why I only wanted to have fun with Ryuseong to a moderate degree. We were in a contract relationship due to the ties between our families, but I had no intention of developing real feelings. 

But when I saw him show signs of jealousy, how should I put it…

I felt strangely elated.

‘Huh.’

That meant I liked Ryuseong more than I thought.

‘This is serious.’

No matter how I am, it’s not like I accepted proposals from guys I had no feelings for. The bastards I dated were all guys I found cute to some extent. So even when they got jealous, I found it petty but also fun.

But when I thought Ryuseong was jealous, I was dumbfounded because it was just fun.

It was a blast. That was the conclusion.

‘I… really find this bastard damn cute, don’t I?’

“Instead of answering, what are you doing?”

I must have been unconsciously touching Ryuseong’s cheek. He frowned, snatched my hand, lowered his voice as if growling, and I desperately tried to stop the perverted smile that was about to wet my lips.

I must not have held it in properly, since he raised his eyebrows and showed a displeased look.

But listen. Because I know there’s no way Ryuseong can like Cassice Demillang, my heart inside Jeong Eui-an is pounding instead. 

Ryuseong can only get excited over Cassice Demillang. He cannot love Cassice Demillang. Even if it’s because of the relationship between the Hanra Faction and the Demillangs.

I’m the same. I find Ryuseong cute, but I think love is damn annoying and cumbersome. I only want to sleep with Ryuseong once even if it’s out of competitiveness. There’s no love there.

As you live, a relationship promised to have no love can burn even hotter.

So I whispered softly.

“Well, I didn’t do anything that goes against the contract with you, so isn’t that enough?”

Demanding what right he has to be curious is a low-level move. Provoking him by asking if he wants to know is a mid-level move.

And stimulating the imagination is the way of a high-level player.

I answered smoothly and he gritted his teeth. I could clearly see his lower jaw tightening, his Adam’s apple moving, and his forearms bulging.

“What does that mean?”

“It means exactly that. I’m saying I haven’t cheated. Yet.”

“…”

I’ve actually never cheated. If I had just blocked dating relationships from the beginning, it would be a different story. But there’s no way Ryuseong would believe me, so I can toy with him as I please…

“I understand that part. Then tell me what you did now.”

Huh, what? This is different from what I expected. What is it?

“Do you believe what I say?”

“I’m not stupid enough to be provoked while you have eyes set on toying with me.”

“Oh.”

The fact that he wasn’t stupid was surprising. When I clapped for him without hiding my surprise, he gritted his teeth again, but I couldn’t stop being impressed anyway.

“Asking about every little thing your lover did would be an obsession, so she was right? Obsession is a disease, Ryuseong. Don’t ask anymore.”

Although I said this with the intention of provoking him… Ryuseong actually accepted it and started saying something else.

“You’re not adding that measly ‘mister’.”

“Would you prefer me to call you ‘Mr. Ryuseong’?”

“I’m telling you not to do that. What part of it sounded measly to you?”

I was about to tell him that he was the measly one, but since I saw an unexpected side of him, I decided to let it slide. I thought he was a rabid dog that would bark if poked slightly, but he surprisingly seemed to have some common sense too.

“You, your eyes are rude. What are you thinking?”

“Oh dear. I understand your desire to own even my mind, but what will you do if you forget that obsession is a disease so quickly?”

When I lowered my eyes as if pitying him, Ryuseong started sending a very rude gaze, hmm. I’ll have to properly educate him on personality and manners sooner or later.

You’ll have to be detoxified as soon as possible to go kiss him.

‘When will the detoxification end?’

Until when is the pharmacist beyond the talisman planning to send me the antidote? The butler didn’t trust the medical professor, so he was receiving the antidote from him. I think I’m all better now, but the pharmacist kept emphasizing in notes that I should continue taking the antidote.

When I take the antidote, my physical reactions become a bit slower…

Let’s get detoxified when it’s at least a bit safer.

‘But I can’t trust the butler or the pharmacist.’

From the beginning, there wasn’t a single person I could fully trust! In that case, wouldn’t it be better to go find the medical professor instead? Isn’t a human certified by Ryuseong more trustworthy than a shady family?

Thinking that, I went to the infirmary that evening. I have no intention of denying that it was impulsive.

‘I keep thinking about the dream too, damn it.’

I just grabbed my outerwear and left on a whim because I felt that way. I originally intended to leave Ryuseong in the room, but he followed me. When I told him to stop stalking, he even lied that he was going to the infirmary to get some pain relief patches too.

Anyway, when I told the medical professor that I wanted to consult about stopping the antidote, he said this after a long component analysis:

“This is the antidote you recently received? Judging by the ingredients, it seems to be a type of tonic that relieves old poison, not an antidote. I recommend continuous intake…”

“If that’s the case, does it mean I’m already fully healed?”

The medical professor seemed to be saying something, but I couldn’t hear it properly with my eyes rolled back. It was because I was furious.

“No, it means you were sick even normally…”

“At the very least, you’re saying it’s not serious enough that I can’t kiss, right? Damn it. What was I holding back for?”

“…”

“…”

While I was inwardly cursing like crazy, suddenly silence fell.

Hmm, wait. What did I just say?

“Oh my, I misspoke?” 

“…”

“Forget it on your own? Except you, Ryuseong.”

“…”