I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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“…Hey, are you okay?”

I didn’t make her cry, did I?

No, it’s just a single tear that came out.

I wasn’t crying; it was probably just a yawn that slipped out.

“…Let’s go to the infirmary first.”

“I don’t really want to go out…”

“We can’t leave it like this. We need to go quickly and get treatment.”

“Hey, can you not tell Shinwoo? Promise?”

You subtly dodged the question, didn’t you?

It’s really important.

The class representative took a deep breath and calmed down.

“If we go to the infirmary, I won’t say anything.”

“Really? Is that a promise?”

“Yep. A promise.”

He extended his pinky.

Ah, his hand is probably a mess because of the injury.

I quickly switched to my other hand.

But the class rep already looked slightly ill at ease.

Just as I was about to finally lower my arms in that awkward atmosphere—

The class rep linked his pinky with mine.

Good. Now I can breathe easy.

I didn’t want to go outside the dorm, but it’s better than getting caught by the protagonist.

I followed the class representative to the infirmary.

*

The school nurse sighed when she saw my wrist.

“…I’ll ask, just in case. How did this happen?”

“Um…”

“It’s okay. Looking at your reaction, I’m pretty sure now.”

The school nurse I met for the first time was impressive.

Just like how she was described in the original.

I mean, in terms of her…well, her figure.

Not that I had any sexual desire, but I was curious about the texture.

I wondered if it would be soft if I touched it. Would it be fluffy?

“Oops!”

That stings.

A red ointment was swiped over my wrist.

And then she wrapped a bandage around it.

What is this? Given this much treatment, I didn’t even need to come to the infirmary.

The nurse looked at the class representative.

“Is he your friend?”

“He’s the class representative.”

“Keep an eye on him. You know what I mean?”

“…Yes.”

Then she turned to me.

“Do you consider getting counseling?”

“Um. No.”

I don’t need counseling.

I’m perfectly normal.

Just a typical student wishing for suicide is all.

Hmm… I must be normal, right?

“Alright. I’ll schedule a counseling session for Wednesday after school, so go.”

“Yes. …Huh?”

“It’s okay. Getting counseling isn’t strange. Just think of it as career counseling.”

That doesn’t seem to be the intention.

Her expression was so firm that I couldn’t say anything.

“Your treatment is done, so you can go back. If you don’t come on Wednesday, I’ll inform your homeroom teacher. Do you understand what that means?”

“…Yes.”

Just as I was about to weakly leave the infirmary, the class representative called out to me.

“Hana, wait a sec.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I called Shinwoo over here.”

“Wait, who?”

Maybe I’m just tired from not sleeping.

I feel like I just misheard something.

“Kim Shinwoo. He’s on his way here.”

“Why!? We agreed not to say anything!”

“I didn’t mention the dorm stuff. I just said that you were here.”

Oh my goodness.

I can’t believe he would betray me like this.

What the heck was that pinky swear we made!

I’m seriously disappointed in the class rep.

How should I express this sense of betrayal?

This isn’t the time for this.

It means the protagonist is coming here.

“I’m leaving.”

I rushed toward the infirmary door.

But then the door opened automatically.

Huh? Do schools have automatic doors nowadays?

Or have I awakened some new ability?

Neither.

It was just someone else opening the door from outside.

Kim Shinwoo.

“…Oh, hey?”

“Yu Hana. What the heck…?”

Kim Shinwoo’s gaze moved from my face to my wrist.

I quickly hid my wrist behind my back, but it seemed I had already been caught.

At least the bandage was hiding my injury, so thank goodness for that.

“What happened to your wrist? Did you get hurt?”

“Let’s talk outside. It would be rude to the teacher.”

If we talk here and the teacher interrupts, that would be a big problem.

The class representative… Well, my trust in him has been broken long ago.

We stepped out into the hallway.

Kim Shinwoo’s face showed confusion, anxiety, and concern.

“Let me see your wrist. Is it hurt badly?”

“Uh-huh. Just a little cut.”

“A cut? On what?”

“Um… On paper…?”

There was a brief silence.

Well, even I think that excuse is a bit absurd.

“You know it’s painful when you cut yourself on paper when you flip a page, and it bleeds…”

“You need to drop that ridiculous humor. And why weren’t you in class today? I was so worried.”

“…I overslept. I read all night. I told you I cut myself on paper, right? Um. So that’s it.”

Surprisingly logical.

I said it, and I felt satisfied.

“…”

“…I’m really sorry. But you don’t have to worry. I’m totally fine! Look. Ta-da! Ta-da!”

“Alright. Then that’s a relief.”

He took it surprisingly easily.

Is it really possible?

This protagonist is just… Well…

Hmm. I’ll hold back my words.

“Then let’s go back! I haven’t finished reading! I want to read quickly.”

“Ugh…”

The class representative sighed next to us.

I glared at him, communicating with my eyes.

Don’t break the promise any further!

Whether my determination was conveyed or not, the class representative didn’t particularly say anything.

Finally noticing the class representative, Kim Shinwoo conveyed his gratitude.

“Ah, Kyung Ah. Thanks. I thought something terrible happened…”

“Idiot.”

“Huh?”

“Ah! I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. I’m leaving, so you two sort it out.”

The class representative just walked off like that.

He’s really a strange character too.

Am I the only normal one here?

*

Shinwoo looked at Kyung Ah’s departing figure.

Is he feeling off today?

The atmosphere turned slightly awkward.

When he looked beside him, he found Hana looking the same as usual.

Even though there were dark circles under her eyes and her wrist was wrapped in bandages.

Hana seemed similar to how she always was.

A bit uneasy, but at least she was okay.

He had worried a lot after seeing her not show up for class.

Shinwoo spoke.

“Let’s go now.”

“Ah, Shinwoo. I’m curious, but does the convenience store sell ropes?”

“…Rope? Why are you suddenly asking about rope?”

“Just for something I need.”

What would I need a rope for?

The only things that come to mind are climbing or tug-of-war.

“What do you need it for?”

“It’s a secret. It’s a surprise! I’ll tell you later!”

He’s usually the one who loves pranks.

Always busy watching people get surprised and laughing at their reactions.

“Hmm. They probably won’t have it at the convenience store. You might find it at a hardware store?”

“Hardware store… Then I guess I’ll swing by there. You’re heading straight back, right?”

“I don’t have anything else to do, so I’ll go with you.”

Hana smiled.

Not showing her teeth while smiling is something people consciously do or when they feel awkward.

Shinwoo actually knows a surprising amount about his childhood friend.

Does she not want to face it?

Because it’s a surprise?

“Alright. Let’s go together.”

The hardware store is located in a corner of the academy grounds.

It makes sense that there wouldn’t be a reason to visit.

In fact, there were no customers in the hardware store.

“Are you looking for something?”

The owner asked as Hana replied.

“Rope.”

“Is that what you need, miss?”

“Yes. That’s right.”

“I won’t sell it, so just leave.”

The owner’s tone was sharp.

It didn’t seem like a customer service job at all.

“Why not?”

“Your wrist.”

A short reply.

Shinwoo also looked at Hana’s wrist.

The white bandage was turning pink.

“No, I’m fine.”

Hana quickly denied it.

“If you need it, I’ll give you twine. For free. No rope.”

“I said I need the rope!”

“Why? Can’t you hold on with just twine?”

Shinwoo didn’t interrupt the conversation.

He’d already figured out the owner’s intentions.

But that couldn’t be true.

It might be someone else, but not for Hana.

She isn’t the type to make that kind of choice.

“…I just need it to pull something heavy, that’s all.”

“Don’t make excuses that are so far-fetched.”

“It’s true…”

“Maybe for someone else, but not for you. So just scram.”

Scram? Isn’t that a bit too harsh?

I should protest.

But even as I thought that, Shinwoo’s lips remained sealed.

Hana stepped closer.

Looking up at him with pleading eyes.

“Shinwoo, say something for me. You know I wouldn’t use it for something like that, right?”

“…Of course. I know that.”

She wouldn’t do that.

I can be sure of it.

Like I was hypnotizing myself.

I repeated it several times.

“Please give me the rope. She’s fine. It would be more suitable to worry that she would eat the rope than that she’d misuse it.”

Shinwoo spoke to the owner.

No, he spoke to himself.

It’s fine.

That word I would rather not even think about.

It’s way too unbefitting for Hana.

“…Are you sure?”

“I’ve known her for 18 years. I’m sure.”

The owner stared straight into Shinwoo’s eyes before handing him the rope.

*

The sun was setting, painting the sky with hues of dusk.

The academy’s streets were tinted with the sunset.

“Thanks for today.”

“…Hana.”

“Yeah?”

Shinwoo finally blurted out the question he had been contemplating for a long time.

“…You’re not… right?”

Please tell me I’m wrong.

Just please.

Hana’s eyes widened for a moment before she smiled gently.

Her bright smile made her white teeth slightly visible.

Then she poked his forehead with her index finger.

It was a signal between just the two of them that had been going on for who knows how long.

“What are you saying, you idiot?”

“Haha. Right? I really do sound like an idiot.”

“I’m going now. See you tomorrow!”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

Hana waved goodbye.

Shinwoo responded by waving back.

The boy left alone stared at the girl’s figure for a while.

Slowly, the smile faded from Shinwoo’s lips.

“It’s weird.”

His childhood friend had changed.

*

The knot was tied perfectly.

It was different from a necktie.

I was already prepared.

Now all I have to do is put it around my neck, and it’s all over.

There won’t be any variables like yesterday.

I figured out why the pain turned into pleasure.

The only variable is that thing over there.

Just that strawberry-flavored vitamin.

That pleasure was overwhelming.

I wanted to wallow in it for the rest of my life.

But I have to hold back.

That’s obviously a trap.

A sweet bait.

A horrific snare meant to hand me a trashy life.

I just need to die like this.

A carefree future awaits.

If there’s just one thing to worry about.

Maybe it’s just the lie I told the protagonist a moment ago.

Especially how I dirtied our shared memories as an excuse.

I felt a bit gloomy.

But there’s nothing I can do about it.

In the end, it will probably turn out to be a good outcome for the protagonist too.

“Alright.”

Just as I was about to put my feet on the chair.

My heart throbbed.

It was the symptoms of an attack.

It hurts.

That’s all I could think about.

Why does it hurt so much?

It’s much worse than before.

It hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts a lot.

It’s because there’s no pleasure.

The experience of transforming all the pain from yesterday’s attack into pleasure.

That’s why the current pain feels sharper.

I glanced at the bottle of medication.

If I just take one of those…

This pain would all disappear.

Slowly.

I reached out.

The rope was around my neck, and I stepped off the chair.

Please kill me quickly.

I hoped for salvation in this dreadful pain.

Not pleasure, but death.

Because it’s the right choice.

“Cough! Cough…! Ugh…”

I’m dying.

For sure.

It’s not a necktie.

This rope won’t break.

Unless a prince on a white horse shows up.

As my breathing became increasingly labored, hallucinations began to appear.

It was Kim Shinwoo’s figure.

Kim Shinwoo looking at me with a smile.

Kim Shinwoo worrying about me.

Kim Shinwoo waving at me.

I saw Kim Shinwoo.

Now.

I’m dying.

Shhk—!

The rope snapped.

I didn’t fall to the ground.

Into a warm embrace.

And I heard a voice.

“You must not die. Young Lady Hana.”

I saw Yu Hana, with tears in her eyes behind her glasses.