How to Survive as an Uchiha

The sun set, and as the last ray of sunlight disappeared, the streetlights of Konoha gradually lit up.

In the North District, the liveliest area of Konoha, crowds thronged about as residents enjoyed their hard-won peaceful lives under the warm orange glow of the lamps.

The lights brightened further, erasing the shadows of the buildings and leaving only human silhouettes. Though darkness and light were often thought irreconcilable, they coexisted harmoniously in Konoha.

Throughout the streets, civilian patrols walked their routes, nodding to the occasional ANBU shadow that flickered past overhead.

Most people wandered through the shops or strolled leisurely, and the North District was filled with laughter and joy. Children chased each other with sparklers while their parents watched from restaurant windows.

By contrast, the West District was far quieter. The lights there were sparse, and the area was calm. The residents either rested at home or went to the North District to enjoy the night's festivities.

Only the occasional rustle of leaves and soft footsteps of patrolling shinobi broke the silence.

"Movement detected at point C."

"Confirmed. Subject shows signs of transformation," came the reply.

From the river near the forest emerged the head of the ANBU operative codenamed "Ren."

His movements were stiff as he crawled onto the riverbank in an uncanny manner. Accompanied by cracking sounds, his skin began to loosen, wrinkle, and eventually peel off entirely.

A long-haired, pale-faced man with serpent-like pupils stood in the shed skin. Orochimaru had escaped.

"Maintain distance. Priority is tracking," the ANBU commander ordered through the radio.

"His chakra signature is fluctuating," a scout reported.

"As expected. He's no longer hiding."

Glancing at the brilliant lights to the north, Orochimaru showed no expression. He turned his gaze away and, with a swoosh, darted into the forest, leaving only the pile of human skin behind.

Not long after, several ANBU ninjas appeared, landing on the riverbank.

"'Ren' has been located," one of them reported. "Orochimaru has revealed his true form. All personnel stationed along the perimeter, stay alert."

"They won't be able to stop him," another remarked.

"We know. The objective is merely to track Orochimaru's movements. Jiraiya-sama will handle him."

"Should we notify the Police Force?"

"No need. Jiraiya-sama has requested to deal with this personally."

After this brief exchange, the ANBU ninjas pursued Orochimaru's trail into the forest. Signs of his passage were evident—he was no longer attempting to conceal his movements, heading in a straight line.

Catching up was out of the question. They wouldn't even get the chance to play the hero. Resigned, they sent their findings back to base.

Just as they transmitted the message, a thunderous noise erupted from the west. The ground trembled beneath their feet.

As expected of one of the Sannin—quick to act.

The ANBU groaned internally but quickened their pace nonetheless. Whether or not it would help, they had to go.

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At the same time, in a bar, Masashi paused mid-toast. Something's off in the chakra flow tonight.

"Masashi-nii? What's wrong?" Tetsuka asked, his face covered in doodles.

"Come on, one more round!" someone called out.

Having been the butt of tonight's jokes for raising koi fish, Tetsuka was racking his brain for excuses to dodge more drinks—not because he disliked drinking, but because dodging was part of the fun.

"But the colors, the colors!" he waved his hands enthusiastically, sake cup wobbling. "You should see them when the sun hits just right—"

"Only you would skip training to watch fish swim in circles," one of the Uchiha snorted, pushing another cup toward him.

"They're not just swimming! Each one has a unique pattern, a personality—"

"Personality?" Another officer laughed. "Next you'll tell us they're using chakra!"

"Here, here! A toast to Tetsuka's chakra-wielding koi!" Someone raised their cup. "May they protect Konoha better than their master!"

"I'm serious!" Tetsuka protested, trying to push away the fresh cup sliding his way. "The black and gold one, he actually—"

"Drink! Every time you say 'koi' you have to drink!" They chanted, surrounding him with evil grins.

"That's not fair! How can I explain without saying—" Tetsuka caught himself, but too late.

"He almost said it! Drink two!"

"I'll be back," Masashi said suddenly, rising from the tatami and heading to the floor-to-ceiling window, concealed by a curtain. The western sky was dark, showing nothing unusual. But moments earlier, he had sensed a sudden surge of powerful and familiar chakra from that direction

It was Orochimaru.

The timing and method of his defection differed from the manga, and there was no reference value for this reality.

Judging by the chakra's intensity, he deduced Orochimaru had summoned a giant serpent.

However, the western wall was far from the North District. Orochimaru's rampage wouldn't reach them here. Masashi decided to feign ignorance. Best to let the Sannin handle their own drama.

The bonds between the Sannin were none of his business.

Returning to the lively group, he rejoined the festivities. The others gleefully forced Tetsuka to drink more.

Their merriment was cut short by hurried footsteps in the hallway.

Masashi promptly slid into the arms of a hostess, feigning drunkenness, drawing playful scolds from her.

The rest followed suit, slumping over theatrically as the door burst open, revealing a white-haired figure peeking inside.

"Masashi-san, the Hokage—" the newcomer began, but was promptly interrupted by several Sharingan-glares and a unified shout: "GET OUT!"

The white-haired visitor, caught off guard by the mass genjutsu attack, staggered back but managed to steady himself.

Removing his mask, the man revealed a familiar face.

"Hey!" one of the Uchiha exclaimed. "It's Kakashi! He didn't fall over!"

Masashi sighed and rose reluctantly from his seat.

"Masashi-san," Kakashi said, ignoring the scene around him. "The Hokage requests your presence in the West District to assist Jiraiya-sama with his mission."

"What mission?" Masashi asked, feigning reluctance.

"The Hokage said, 'You'll understand.'"

He's learned some new tricks... Masashi lamented how much Minato had changed since becoming Hokage.

Power truly corrupted.

"Fine, I get it," he grumbled, getting up. "I'll go, don't rush me."

"Need to sober up first?" Kakashi asked, clearly unimpressed.

Masashi shot him a look.

Drinking and reading Icha Icha Paradise were equally suspect hobbies, and Kakashi hadn't even started on the latter yet. No matter—when Icha Icha published, Masashi would personally gift him a copy.

"Who else is coming?" he asked.

"No one else."

"Got it."

Masashi, muttering about how dull this was, bid his companions goodbye, settled his tab, and teleported home with Flying Thunder God.

After changing into combat gear, he reappeared at the ruins of a collapsed wall, where a massive serpent was trying to escape into the forest.

Several ANBU ninjas were futilely trying to stop it.

"The barrier team is down!" one shouted as another section of wall crumbled.

They're just getting in the way. Leaping onto the serpent's head, Masashi pressed down with his hand, forcefully dispelling the summoning and sending it back to Ryūchi Cave.

Landing, he looked over at the disheveled ANBU.

"Where's Orochimaru?" he asked.

These operatives were clearly outmatched. Sending them to pursue the Snake Sannin was practically offering themselves as fodder.

"He headed north after breaching the wall," one ANBU reported. "Are you here with Jiraiya-sama?"

"No, I was summoned by the Hokage," Masashi replied, turning his attention northward to sense Orochimaru's trail.

Ah, there he was—and Jiraiya as well. This is going to be messier than expected.

Without another word, Masashi vanished in a blur, leaving the ANBU behind.

As he sprinted through the forest, he recalled everything he knew about the three Sannin.

The relationship between the Sannin—Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade—was arguably the most complex and peculiar bond in the world of shinobi.

Life and death, philosophy and technique, idealism and reality—all seemed to mirror one another among these three.

Orochimaru, who feared death, delved madly into ninjutsu in an attempt to escape it. Tsunade, who cherished life, valued it above all else. Jiraiya believed that humans were the vessels of their techniques and upheld Hiruzen's "path."

Orochimaru, by contrast, saw humans as tools for using techniques, pursuing Hiruzen's "technique." This made him feel no guilt for his actions, as he merely sought to understand, develop, and utilize ninjutsu. Techniques, in his eyes, were inherently tools.

Jiraiya embraced the Will of Fire as his ideal, willing to dedicate himself to it. Tsunade, however, was faced with the bloody realities of life.

The mere phrase "Will of Fire" wasn't enough to make her overlook the pain of losing her loved ones. She chose indifference, even toward Jiraiya's feelings for her.

These three were far more entangled than Kakashi's Team 7 ever was.

As for Kakashi's Team 7… let's not even bring them up.

In this timeline, they probably wouldn't even form. If there was any sign of them coming together, Masashi would nip it in the bud.

With the precedent set by the Sannin's "derailment," all Sasuke needed to do was be a normal Uchiha. In this world, no one was going to rush him.

Indra and Asura's tendency to drag their descendants into their conflict was utterly absurd.

The tremors of the ground grew more intense as Masashi neared the battle zone. 

The rumbling sounds became clearer.

Although they differed in philosophy and technique, both Orochimaru and Jiraiya were powerhouses. Their clash was nothing short of spectacular.

The forests around Konoha had been taking a beating this year; next year's reforestation budget would surely skyrocket. 

Maintaining vegetation was a necessary annual expense for any ninja village. After all, forests were the ninja's preferred battleground, ideal for small team operations and advantageous for defenders as well.

He finally spotted the falling trees in the distance. The destruction carved a clear path through the forest, marking the trail of their battle.

Slowing his pace, he began walking calmly. He understood Minato's instructions this way:

Wait until Jiraiya was knocked out by Orochimaru. Once Orochimaru left, he would step in and protect Jiraiya. From today onwards, Jiraiya would be the only Sannin left actively serving Konoha.

Mission accomplished. Perfect.

If anyone accused him of slacking off, he'd argue it out with them.

Why use violence to solve a problem that words could resolve?

That would be low.

Unless, of course, one could redefine the ninja profession with a flick of their ninjutsu, like Hashirama or Madara. At that level, a lack of overwhelming power meant you had no voice.

Scanning his surroundings, he leaped to the top of a tree with a clear vantage point and observed the scene.

On Orochimaru's side was his trusty summon, Manda.

On Jiraiya's side was Gamabunta, the toad with an unmistakable mobster vibe.

"You oversized wart, still playing lapdog to humans?"

"Better than being a glorified belt, you snake!" Gamabunta countered, his blade whistling through the air where Manda had been moments before.

The two summoned beasts were engaged in an all-out brawl, flinging trees into the air. Their massive forms crashed through the forest like living natural disasters, each strike powerful enough to reshape the landscape.

Activating his Sharingan, Masashi focused on the two main figures.

They were fighting hand-to-hand far away from their summons.

But if it was a taijutsu contest, why summon the creatures in the first place? Did they think this was still the era of Hashirama, when planting trees came free of charge?

No one made things easy.

Slightly drowsy from the previous night's drinking, he yawned and settled on a branch to continue watching.

Might as well make myself comfortable. He pulled out a small scroll from his vest pocket, unsealing it. A few rice balls and a container of tea appeared in a small puff of smoke. Always keep mission supplies handy... especially for long observation tasks.

Taijutsu quickly proved insufficient for Orochimaru's ambitions. He began incorporating ninjutsu into his attacks, starting with snake-themed techniques.

He took a bite of his rice ball, chewing thoughtfully as he analyzed their movements through his Sharingan. At least the show comes with refreshments.

Wind blades sliced through Jiraiya's earth walls, while streams of fire met water barriers in explosive clouds of steam.

As the genius of the Sannin and the inheritor of Hiruzen's "technique," Orochimaru's arsenal of jutsu was undeniably impressive.

Effortlessly wielding all five elemental chakra natures—wind, water, earth, lightning, and fire—it was clear he had already mastered all five transformations at this point.

However, it was evident that he favored wind jutsu above the rest.

Jiraiya countered with a mix of earth and fire-style techniques, holding his ground admirably.

Both were seasoned Kage-level ninjas who knew each other well, making for a fascinating spectacle.

However, Jiraiya didn't manage to activate his Sage Mode. The setup time was too long, and Orochimaru wasn't foolish enough to give him that opportunity.

To prevent Jiraiya from activating his Sage Mode, he escalated to forbidden jutsu.

In the shinobi world, forbidden jutsu was a dynamic concept. Not every technique labeled as forbidden was necessarily extraordinary.

In each ninja village, the definition varied.

In Konoha, any technique that consumed vast amounts of chakra to the point of endangering the user's life or posed significant danger to others was considered forbidden. This classification was intended to maintain peace in the village and discourage reckless pursuit of power.

But such restrictions were meaningless to Orochimaru. Most forbidden techniques didn't affect his modified body, turning them into ordinary techniques for him.

So, he gleefully unleashed a slew of forbidden jutsu, effectively thwarting Jiraiya's attempts to activate Sage Mode.

Masashi estimated that most of Orochimaru's techniques could be countered with his skills, while a few troublesome ones could be nullified with the Flying Thunder God.

However, these techniques were unlikely to be Orochimaru's trump cards.

After all, neither Orochimaru nor Jiraiya intended to kill the other. One wanted to leave, while the other kept reaching out—just like the cycle that might repeat years later with Naruto and Sasuke.

In the end, it was Jiraiya who fell. The two exchanged a "Friendship-breaking Punch," chakra crackling around their fists as they met in mid-air. While Orochimaru shrugged it off thanks to his modifications, Jiraiya rolled his eyes and passed out.

Cool and composed, Orochimaru returned to his usual nonchalant demeanor. He exuded the aura of a true master, leaving onlookers convinced that even in defeat, he hadn't truly lost.

After briefly observing Jiraiya, he turned and left without finishing him off.

In the distance, Manda and Gamabunta's summoning time expired. Unlike their bonded summoners, these two creatures couldn't stand each other, hurling insults and threats before reluctantly disappearing.

"Next time, toad, I'll make a wallet out of you," Manda hissed.

"Try it, you overgrown garden hose," Gamabunta retorted before both vanished in clouds of smoke.

Their relationship was genuinely terrible.

Leaping down from the tree, Masashi approached Jiraiya.

Hoisting the Sannin onto his shoulder, he teleported away using Flying Raijin.

In mere moments, he returned to the village walls, now bustling with activity.

At the forefront was Koharu, seemingly waiting for his return.

In the original timeline, two Konoha elders played pivotal roles in orchestrating the Uchiha massacre: Danzō and Koharu.

Danzō, of course, took center stage. Koharu, less so.

As a child, she had been mischievous, often napping during ninja Academy lessons.

Now, though…

Seeing Masashi carrying Jiraiya, she quickly stepped forward.

"What happened to Jiraiya?"

"He's unconscious," Masashi replied, setting Jiraiya on the ground.

A group of ANBU rushed over and placed the Sannin on a stretcher. After directing the ANBU to take him away, Koharu turned back to Masashi.

"I thought someone of your caliber could've seized the chance to kill Orochimaru," she said casually.

"Killing Orochimaru? Only the Third Hokage could manage that," Masashi said bluntly. "Does the Third know about this incident?"

"Of course," Koharu replied with a nod. "Thank you for your efforts, Masashi. You should go rest now."

With a nod, Masashi said nothing more and teleported away.

Koharu silently stared at the spot where he had stood, her aged eyes narrowing slightly in thought.

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14/200 reached for bonus chapter.

[email protected]/Malphegor

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