HOGWARTS IN DETECTIVE COMICS

[ Volume I: "HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY YR. 3" ]

[ Chapter I (1): "FELIX HARP" ]

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[ JUNE 29, 2006 ] [ WIZARDRY WORLD, HOGWARTS CASTLE ]

Felix Harp had always known that the multiverse existed. He watched theories about it. He read literature relating to it. He even created books, fictional ones about those said plausible universes.

Romance. Horror. Thriller. You named it, some even adaptation of already written literature — and coincidentally it so happens to be about Detective Comics. Usually called DC for short.

The boy had been living in this said universe for about 3 years now, and he could confirm with his own mouth, that yes it does exist.

[ "Minerva, please, can we not do this here?" ] Felix could feel a headache already coming into him as he looks up from his desk, at the brunette woman who is currently ranting at him. [ "Absolutely..." ]

His green dull eyes shined a bit for a slight second in hearing that.

The usual stern, strict, and unfair Minerva McGonagall is really, really, really listening to me? Oh, wow, what a miracle, a one in the million. I will praise your eternal beauty and rejoice in this chance you hav- [ "not." ] Oh... Damn it.

[ "Felix, are you even taking this seriously?! I worry for the sake of our future students, the others do too." ] Here she goes again, on her crusade. But thankfully much softer, and calmed than usual. [ "So for merlin's sake, please focus." ] I hate her when she does that to me... Fine.

[ "Fine. Continue on your... crusade then." ] Felix grumbled under his breath, one arm under his chin as he tries his best not to fall asleep under her lecture — about the required improvement of Hogwarts, and about her mostly complaining about him.

Fix your clothing. Appear more dignified. The Hogwarts Headmaster shouldn't be live like this! Think of the children. Clean up your damn office, Felix! Fuck.

Felix watch on-and-on, and tried his best to listen to his childhood friend's complaints. And before they know it, it was already night time.

[ "We need to increase the size of Hogwarts to accommodate the 221 soon-to-be first-years..." ]

[ "Assign subject Professors to the new course for third-years..." ]

[ "-and improve dormitory living conditions, dear merlin knows that we need to do that..." ]

McGonagall, the attentive, always listening, always improving Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts listed down topics that Felix — as the Headmaster needs to improve upon.

Under the dismayed eyes of Felix. Who is cursed to have his bottom stuck on his wooden chair, inside his office, listening to her, and agreeing to her. If not, he'll forever be stuck here.

[ "Fine, fine!" ] Felix stomped his feet under the mischievous yet grinning face of McGonagall, both hands behind his head in defeat.

[ "You win. List down everything that Hogwarts needs to improve, and give it to me later befor-" ] McGonagall didn't wait for Felix to finish, as she instead pulled out a thick parchment that easily reached the floor.

What the fuck?! Felix watched silently, wide-eyed at how his Deputy Headmistress came up with a new plan to torture him... Slowly.

Under her scrutinizing gaze, Felix reluctantly reached out to grab the list of problems he have to fix. Looking at it, he noticed how even the tiniest problem is listed, not just heavy duty ones.

[ "Okay, wait, Minerva why do I have to clean Owl pellets?!" ] In another translation, Owl poop. [ "Minerva...?" ] He looked at her face which is usually stoic, but now has a subtle grin into it.

Felix looked again at the parchment and immediately noticed her handwriting seems to be little, so little that the list listed could easily reach up to 100. But that's not the problem. [ "What the hell is this?!" ]

Clean the Owl's poop, that isn't good but Felix didn't dare to complain to her so openly. But the other task... Is not so easy and as bearable as the previous.

McGonagall grinned, satisfied in finally seeing her good for nothing Headmaster who only hangs out by the Office 90% of the day, suffer.

And that she, McGonagall doesn't have to do the minial tasks that Felix, her, oh-dear of an Headmaster is supposed to, and not to do.

Like for instance, back-breaking labor of feeding the newly created Thestrals. Increasing the size of the Hogwarts Express. More carriage. Expansion of Hogwarts... etc.

All normally impossible tasks for even a normal Wizard, of Witch to do. One that could take days, weeks, or even months. But, she doesn't care, Felix Harp is anything but normal — she doesn't have to worry. [ "I'll be in my office if you need me." ]

She walked out of the room, confident with a slight jump in her steps that was barely noticeable. But to Felix who had known her for 12 years and counting, it was obvious.

Turning around as if remembering something, McGonagall grinned at her, one finger under her cheek. [ "The spell will expire after an hour. So, please, dear Headmaster, read my requests before going out." ]

[ "Minerva!" ] Damn you woman. Felix watches as the door of his office closed automatically without human intervention, his ass still glued to the chair under.

So is the life of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Fuck.

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[ WRITTEN: 01/04/2025 ]

[ POSTED: 01/04/2025 ]