HOGWARTS IN DETECTIVE COMICS

[ Volume I: "HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY YR. 1" ]

[ Chapter I (1): "FELIX HARP" ]

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[ JUNE 16, 2006 ] [ WIZARDRY WORLD, HOGWARTS ]

[ "I'm screwed." ] Felix stood up abruptly, looking at the list of names which the renowned Book of Admittance is showing him. All the while the Quill of Acceptance is joyfully poking the side of his neck.

Felix couldn't even let himself feel the tickling as he swallowed a huge dry lump of saliva under his throat, his green usually shrewed eyes, now only wide as his knees slightly weaken. [ "I am definitely screwed." ]

[ ... ]

[ Bruce Thomas Wayne: Wayne Manor, 224 Park Drive, Gotham City ]

[ Lois Joanne Lane: 922 Oak Hill, Metropolis ]

[ Clark Joseph Kent: 321 Maple Street, Smallville, Kansas ]

[ ... ]

Boss what the hell is this? Why in my supposedly first-year of establishing Hogwarts, in my first-year of being the Headmaster, in my first-year of wanting to expand my influence throughout earth did this happen.

Fuck me. Boss, isn't this pretty stack for my training level?! Where's the exit menu.

Felix touched his left chest and could feel his heart beating ever-so-loudly from the stressed he knows he'll experience. He is gonna teach the future Batman, the future Superman, and the future renowned reporter of Metropolis about MAGIC! Holy shit, I quit.

Screw the system it ain't worth dime, it doesn't respond, has temper tandrum-like abilities, and non-useful other than the occasional guide on how to sew sweaters and socks.

Take my hat, I don't like it, it's heavy. Take my robes, I'll just walk around naked. Take my damn office, fuck it's small in the first place. I-I mean, even take my damn Hogwarts, it's a hundred- no, thousand times smaller than the OG Hogwarts, I don't care, I'll just live in Hagrid's Hut.

Take everyth- no, wait. Felix looked on the small booklet like book he is holding, 10 rows for 10 names and addresses. x2 that'll be 20 students, in those 20 only 3 are remarkable. Who even are this dick, harry, tom, and mikes?

No, wait, this could actually work. Felix imagines himself teaching the young said Wizards and Witches about wandlore, about the magic of alchemy, about charms, about herbs and spices. And gently though to himself, this could actually work.

His long time dream of being a teacher, of not just toddlers, but actual students who listens and yearns knowledge. It can be fulfilled right here, right now, all thanks to 3 months of back breaking labor, and to the system who have been working him like a slave.

The headmaster position is just a bonus at this point, he doesn't care. The system points is just a bonus, he doesn't care. And he himself who lived 19 years as a Muggle — a person without any magical affinity — can finally learn true MAGIC!

Yes, absolutely this can wor--- shit, I quit. A gentle breeze of air entered the decrepit office he is in, and moved the Book of Admittance's page to the other. His eyes landing on the other bigshots name on the next page.

[ Alexanded Joseph Luthor: Luthor Mansion, Smallville, Kansas ]

[ ... ]

[ Harold Jordan: 22 Sea View, Coast City, California ]

[ Arthur Thomas Curry: Curry Lighthouse Amnesty Bay, Maine ]

[ Barbara Joan Gordon: 359 Dozier Terrace, Gotham City ]

[ ... ]

The big bad, billionaire heir of the Lux Corp. The future green lantern, and most famous green lantern of all. The literal son and heir of atlantis. And batgirl. Holy fuck, no, no, I'm not teaching them. I am not teaching them Wizardry!

Felix threw the book to this side, gently as to not damage it. The Book and the Quill floated to the side, looking at him confused as if seemingly asking, "what happened to the previous enthusiasm you showed, Professor?" But Felix couldn't talk to them right now, he is currently busy hyperventilating.

Worrying about the future, and how he'll manage his school. Which is very far off compared to the original Hogwarts. For starters, this place doesn't have that type of magic yet.

No moving stairs. No alive paintings. No ghost roaming the halls, or Peeves. No, no, no Sorting Hat as of yet. No teaching staff other than him and 3 others. No nothing, not a single thing sir. And now this?!

The Universe wants him to teach heirs! Literal heirs, gods, demons, heroes, and villains. Holy fuck. Felix would have had a stroke if you told him that 3 months ago. He thought the job would be easy, easy side hustle.

In the Detective Comics Universe, yes, which to him still feels like a dream. A fictional world, and yet here he is fully alive, inside his own world, about to start the first-year of Hogwarts. Yes, everything feels like a dream.

But, nonetheless because of his dream of wanting to teach, of wanting to see the joys of students actively learning. He embarked on this journey, not knowing what the future has in-store for him.

He couldn't give up, he don't want to give up. So he forced himself to look. Gently grabbing the book which was floating by the air, [ "Sorry for throwing you, I'm just stressed out." ] apologizing to the alive book, which let it be read in response.

Felix green-calculative eyes kept darting on the well-known names he knows that will be problems. Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Hal Jordan, Lex Luthor, Barbara Gordon, Lois Lane. Big names, big problems, and that is only two pages of it. 40 names. He has 60 more to see.

[ Oliver Jonas Queen: 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Star City ]

[ Selina Kyle: 184 Theatre District, Gotham City ]

[ ... ]

[ John Rupert Quinton Constantine: House of Mysteries, Liverpool, England ]

[ ... ]

Felix flipped the pages for any signs of any well-known figure in the DC Universe, or any that he can recognize. Out of the 60 remaining names, thankfully he only noticed 3 well-known figures.

The superhero named Green Arrow, a close friend of the speedster Flash — which is thankfully, and unfortunately not his student as of yet. The Catwoman, the on and off again love interest of Batman, a well-known thief by night. And finally the crazy John Constantine, an occult detective.

Felix isn't stupid. Fate is playing tricks with him, testing him, giving him challenges head-on in the beginning to strengthen him, and to give him opportunities to grow.

And to Felix, he isn't quite sure how to handle it yet, thankfully he has 2 and a half months left to strengthen himself before the school starts. And to of course, develop the severely underdeveloped School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

He would definitely lose face if 100 students, especially well-known ones we're to step foot into his school at it's shabby states. So, as the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Professor of Alchemy and Charms, House Head for Slytherin, he needs to make Hogwarts worthy of it's name as the legendary School for Magic.

Especially before the well-known problems arise. Darkseid, Anti-Monitor, Brainiac, Doomsday. Ughh, his head felt a pain a little in trying to remember the well-known enemies inside the Detective Comic's Universe. Batman-Who-Laugh, Parallax, Trigon, Nekron.

Fuck all of you, I'm the bloody Felix Harp. Headmaster of Hogwarts, come and get me, and I'll be ready by then. Hogwarts will be ready for you pricks!

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[ Fun Fact (DC-Lore): "Wonder Woman Was Originally Named Suprema, this was later dropped because it sounded too similar to Superman. And also, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern was supposed to date in the comics, supposed to be a power couple, thankfully it didn't happen." ]

[ WRITTEN: 01/03/2024 ]

[ POSTED: 01/03/2024 ]