Dragon Ball: A Better Bulma

Oolong was tired. Having to disguise himself to terrorize a remote village to get a woman sounded like a good idea at first, well, he just wanted to pretend to be strong and big to impress the ladies, but the people started to misunderstand his intentions and gave him their daughters. 

To keep up his 'strong man' facade, he could only take the girls away and try to bring them back later, after all, what was a little girl compared to a beautiful grown woman? 

But who would have thought that when these girls discovered his secret, they would take over his house and send him to get their friends to hang out with them? 

Not only did they waste his money, but they treated him like a slave, making him cook, clean, and do laundry. He was supposed to find a woman to do these things for him while watching TV in his home. 

But it was the girls who could watch TV, not him! He didn't even know why he insisted on the facade, no, he didn't even know why he wanted a wife, technically he wasn't even a teenager yet, although he was a pervert. 

Who decided that teaching a pervert a transformation technique was a good idea? Luckily, he was expelled and only learned how to transform for five minutes, but that didn't change the fact that it was still a terrible idea. 

"I envy Puar," Oolong muttered as he walked down the dirt road towards the village. 

As he remembered, Puar had a friend who gave him a home and food. Of course, he ignored that they lived in a desert. At this point in his life, he would rather live in a dry place than in these lush forests. 

"Strange that that ugly dinosaur didn't come out to chase me," Oolong said, noticing the absence of his enemy. 

That dinosaur was always trying to eat him, and he had to waste a few seconds of his transformation into a bird to get rid of it, but now there was no sign of the creature. 

If Oolong had been a little more attentive, he would have noticed that the ground he stepped on was a little darker than usual, and if he wasn't used to the comforts of civilization, his animal instincts would have told him that something bad had happened here. 

He didn't smell the faint scent of blood in the air, nor did he notice the dinosaur tracks that had been partially erased if he had known, nor did he notice that the village he was approaching seemed more 'alive' than yesterday, with smoke rising from the chimneys and more people coming out of their houses. 

But he hid behind a tree before transforming into a ferocious monster, before thinking about the details and trying to keep his transformation coherent. 

However, he soon realized that no matter what form he took, the villagers were very afraid of him, so he didn't even bother to imagine a coherent form, he just added teeth, claws, and a huge size to his figure. 

The only bad thing is that his transformation not only took a long time, but it did not bring much strength to his being, it was just a facade. It is said that the headmaster of the school where he studied was so skilled that one of his hairs could replicate 100% of an organism for a long time.

Even though it was enough, his 'scary' appearance scared the villagers, but instead, they stared at the being with hatred and anger in their eyes, Oolong didn't notice those emotions, he was bad at noticing how uncomfortable he made people feel, how could he notice other people's negative emotions?

"Wife! I am looking for a wife for my castle! A worthy wife now!" the monster shouted, something to be commended was that he knew truly terrifying voices, but no one responded except for a remarkably childish and naive voice. 

"That's the monster? It looks like a malnourished dinosaur," Goku said, curiously approaching Oolong, who was spellbound by his words. 

"What did you say, you tail brat?" growled the transformed Oolong, but Goku just looked back to see Chi-Chi and Bulma.

"He doesn't even feel that strong. Bulma, you tricked me!" complained little Goku, pouting, but the boy wasn't slow, he already had his magic staff in his hands. 

"Kid, stop ignoring me," Oolong shouted before looking over to where Goku had been looking and noticing Bulma. 

"How beautiful you are, my dear! Will you be my wife? You will only have to cook, wash, clean the house, and buy the food, but you will live in a castle!" the monster was excited when he saw Bulma.

Not to be outdone, Bulma was beautiful at 16, but Oolong didn't notice the annoyed look on the blue-haired teenager's face, nor the disgusted look on Chi-Chi's face. He also didn't notice Goku's pout as he extended his staff and waved it at his head. 

"Don't bother my sister!" Goku shouted before he struck the monster's head, and if you were paying attention, you could hear a faint crunching sound aside from the sound of flesh being struck. 

Goku may or may not have used too much force and cracked Oolong's skull, but the Saiyan was angry. Something about Oolong's words made him uncomfortable and to say them to Bulma was a big no for him. 

"Auchs, you monkey bastard! Why are you hitting me? I just proposed to the pretty girl!" Oolong shouted, covering his head as his transformation lost its effect.

He didn't reach the time limit, but the terrible headache he felt made him lose his concentration. His chubby pig body, suspiciously styled clothes that we won't mention, and a head with a large cartoonish bump on it were revealed to everyone in the village. 

"He's just a pig boy..." someone said, pointing out Oolong's real age, and everyone in the village felt a great sense of absurdity. 

"Hey, piggy boy! Did you eat the girls you kidnapped?" an angry woman asked, but Oolong seemed to feel uncomfortable with the woman's words. 

"Piggy boy? THAT'S RACIST, OLD WITCH! Just because I am a pig, I do not eat children! I'm not an animal in a pigsty! And those girls? They took over my castle! They won't let me watch TV, they just want me to do chores around the house!

They're the ones who sent me to look for their friends! They say they're tired of living in a place where they have nothing to do but play with dirt, don't blame me for something I didn't do, you old fucking bastards, you should shove your fucking village up your..." Honoring his deepest self, Oolong began to rant. 

For half an hour, he insulted everyone in the village in a way that no one would have expected, never repeating himself at any point, even resorting to more elaborate insults and even using other obsolete languages. 

"Bulma, what is a... hmmmmm?" Bulma covered Goku's mouth, she did not know what the boy was going to say, but she did not want to have to explain anything Oolong said. 

Bulma looked at Chi-Chi, who seemed to be fuming out of her ears, blushing from all the really ugly things Oolong said. But through his talk, they found out the true situation regarding the monster and the stray girls. 

"So, are our daughters all right?" asked a man, the same one who had wounded and healed Bulma not long ago. 

"For the love of Zhu Bajie, yes! What do you take me for, you old son of a...?" And Oolong insulted the man again, emphasizing a point that people seemed to overlook: He was only a human pig, not a pig!

He didn't do anything to those girls because he just wanted a wife, although it seems like he wanted a mother, he didn't want anything else. He was a pervert, yes, but he insisted that he was a 'man of culture', not a dark, delusional type. 

He even went to therapy after he was expelled from school for making a joke that got out of hand and was misinterpreted. Now it seemed that things had gotten out of hand in the village as well, and aside from his insults, Oolong looked shaky, as if the whole situation made him uncomfortable. 

"I'll have to call Dr. Wong again, looks like I need those common-sense lessons," the pig muttered before looking at Bulma one last time before leaving the village, but when he saw that no one was following him, he turned and yelled.

"Don't you want your pesky daughters? Come and get them!" Oolong continued on his way, this time with many people behind him. 

"What a rude guy, Goku, don't learn anything from him, okay?" Chi-Chi looked at Goku, who had been freed by Bulma and no longer tried to repeat those strange words. 

"Okay, but I don't understand, why does he want a woman? He can do those things by himself," Goku tilted his head a little and asked Chi-Chi.

"You know Goku, women don't just do those things, he-he-he-he..." Chi-Chi lowered her head with a red face and Bulma gave her a sideways glance and made a mental note. 

'Taking Chi-Chi to meet Kami-Sama and having him give her life advice sounds like a better option every time than leaving her here, she's too precocious,' Bulma thought before turning to the old woman who was holding an orange ball in her hands. 

"Thank you for your help, young lady! Although it all seems to be a misunderstanding, the poor pig child did not turn out to be a child-eating monster or a pervert, who would have known?" the old woman laughed a little at this situation and even rolled her eyes at Bulma's amusement.

"I guess sometimes you have to know the whole story and not judge at first glance," Bulma felt like she was in a strange childish fable with the musings and the whole thing, so she quickly brought the subject back to what she wanted. 

"Madam, I need the orb in your hand as a reward, can I have it?" asked Bulma, causing the old woman to look at the shiny object in her hands before handing it to Bulma. 

"My granddaughter brought this a few days ago before I started this whole thing, it seems the lack of entertainment here has caused a lot of problems, maybe I should move to the city. 

Poor Maron, I never thought she would act like a little delinquent out of boredom," the old woman's words made Bulma stop for a moment and look at the woman in front of her. 

Although full of gray hair, some of the woman's hair was visibly blue, a lighter shade than Bulma's hair, perhaps because of this, the old woman was kinder to her than usual, reminding her not only of her youth but also of her granddaughter. 

"Educate your granddaughter better and set her on a good path, the city is not a good environment for many children, but a good school can make her future better, just make her aware of the dangers of seeking luxury," Bulma advised before taking her leave and heading to where part of the village had left with Oolong. 

"Bulma, why are we going to where that pig lives?" Chi-Chi asked curiously. 

"I want to make sure the pig doesn't do anything stupid, plus we need a secluded place to deal with the approaching threat. Fortunately, my father was able to replicate the technology in the armor that Goku came to Earth with," Bulma replied, waving a capsule in her hand. 

"Cool! These clothes feel comfortable and sturdy," Goku praised as he caught the capsule in Bulma's hand and played with it. 

"Don't open it here, wait until we get there," the blue-haired girl warned before she looked at the Dragon Radar installed in the car and watched as the two remaining Dragon Balls approached them, in a few minutes they would see who possessed them. 

A battle that would determine the fate of many people for many years to come. 

"King Pilaf, the five Dragon Balls are together and moving at a constant speed," said a male voice in a dimly lit hall. 

Sitting on a huge white throne, the small figure of Pilaf gazed with fascination at the two Dragon Balls in his hands. 

"Well, tell me when it is time to fight for them again. Yamcha," Pilaf replied quietly, not looking at the young man standing next to him. 

The tiny wings of the wild butterfly that is Bulma caused her first hurricane in the 'normal' course of history, but this was never a normal story. What else has changed in this alternate Dragon Ball universe?

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AN: Sorry for the late update... LATAM and blackouts are holding hands.

I changed somethings about Oolong, Pilaf, Yamcha and other characters, remeber that this Dragon Ball Universe isn't the canon one. About Oolong, I wrote him as a pig-boy with lack of common senses, he wants a wife and he transform himself in a 'strong' being, but just scaried the people, lol.