Yes, It’s Me. The Obsessive Side Top

#013

The misunderstanding with Sun Woo and the leaked exam questions left my mind feeling foggy and gloomy. Unable to think clearly, I couldn’t drive and had started walking to and from school. That day, too, I was walking home when a sudden longing for grandmother washed over me. Just as I was yearning for the comfort of a warm embrace to soothe my lonely heart, I spotted a familiar figure from behind.

I immediately ran forward, calling out, “Ok-bun!”

“Jin-i?” 

Grandmother’s face lit up with delight, and seeing her smile made all my worries and anxieties melt away. It felt as if all the impurities clouding my heart were being washed away. Is this what purification feels like?

“I haven’t seen you lately,” she said.

“I’ve been busy,” I replied. “Exams are coming up soon.”

“Is that so? Oh my, then my grandchild must have exams too. I worry about them, you know. The poor thing comes home late, balancing school and work, and then studies until dawn. They barely get a few hours of sleep before heading out again.”

“That’s really impressive,” I said, genuinely in awe.

“I know,” she sighed. “They say they’re fine, but this grandmother’s heart aches.”

Unlike Ha Jin, who’s involved in the exam corruption, I thought to myself, feeling a pang of guilt. While I admired how hardworking her grandchild was, grandmother shared some unfortunate news.

“What to do?” she said. “We won’t be able to see our Jin-i anymore. I’m going down this weekend.”

“No way,” I protested. “I won’t let you leave, Ok-bun.”

“Oh dear, how can I leave my Jin-i behind?”

“Why are you leaving so soon?” I asked, my voice tinged with sadness. “Can’t you stay longer?”

“I don’t want to disturb my grandchild’s studies,” she explained. “They’re already having such a hard time, and taking care of me would only make it harder.”

“Oh, don’t say that,” I insisted. “I’m sure that’s not true. Your grandchild probably feels more energized having you around.”

“You little one, how do you know just what to say?” she said, her eyes twinkling. “You always know how to make this grandmother happy.”

“If you’re happy, how about getting coffee with me?” I suggested playfully.

“Oh my!” she gasped, amused.

“You said you’re leaving this weekend,” I added. “Before you go, please go on a date with me, Ok-bun.”

“You’re being quite the charmer!” she laughed.

Amused and touched, grandmother agreed with a smile. She pulled out her flip phone and pressed a few numbers, ready to call her grandchild.

“Hello, it’s me, dear. Yes, yes. I just wanted to hear your voice. Yes, that’s right. Have you eaten? No, I’m not tired. Making food for you is my happiness. Yes.”

Grandmother’s face glowed as she chatted with her grandchild, a radiant smile spreading across her features. She glanced at me and grinned even wider.

“I met him today. Jin-i,” she continued. “Yes, that pretty child I told you about. Jin-i wants to go for coffee. Oh, it’s fine. What do you mean ‘suspicious person’? Don’t you trust your grandmother? I have a better eye for people! Oh dear, you’re working now? No, no, if you join us, Jin-i might get jealous. Yes, yes. Okay, go ahead.”

When she hung up, she beamed at me.

“My grandchild gave permission for our date,” she said.

“Really? Then let’s go right now!” I exclaimed, then added, “But first, can I have your number, Ok-bun?”

“Oh my goodness,” she said, chuckling. “How can you be so cute and pretty? Your mother must adore you.”

She handed me her phone, and I eagerly saved my number under “Jin-i♥.” On my own phone, I saved her as “Lovely Ok-bun,” making her laugh joyfully once more.

I quickly searched for a nearby café and found a cozy one not too far away. We took a taxi there. The café was small and serene, with just a few tables scattered around, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Grandmother looked around with wide eyes, clearly delighted, as if she were visiting a café for the first time.

Her joy made me feel warm inside. I used to really enjoy being around people too. But somewhere along the way, being alone had become my norm. Spending time with Sun Woo had changed that, even if just a little, making me realize how wonderful it was to have someone close. But ever since he called me disgusting, those feelings of happiness had been crushed. Seeing Grandmother’s bright smile beside me now, I resolved to push away those dark thoughts and focus on our date.

I ordered a coffee suited to Grandmother’s taste. She mentioned she loved sweet things, so she held the cup in both hands, taking gentle, careful sips. She looked so cute, trying not to burn herself on the hot drink.

“Is the coffee okay? Sweet enough?” I asked.

“It’s very sweet,” she said, her eyes lighting up.

“Really?” I teased. “Then let me get you something else—”

Grandmother playfully swatted my hand away before I could reach for the cup. 

“I like it sweet, just as it is,” she said with a big smile, clutching the cup close.

In Ha Jin’s body, I couldn’t even enjoy sweet things myself. Watching Grandmother savor her coffee felt like I was living vicariously through her, and it filled my heart with warmth.

“Jin-i, you seem to have such a pure soul. That’s why I like being around you,” Grandmother said warmly.

“That’s the first time anyone has said that about me,” I replied, surprised.

“Oh my, then everyone else must not have mouths if they’ve never said such things,” she teased.

While I’d grown used to hearing only harsh words and insults, Grandmother’s compliment felt soothing, like the gentle warmth of steaming egg custard spreading through my heart.

“I’m so envious of your grandchild,” I said. “Ok-bun, can’t you just be my grandmother? I’d spend time with you like this every day.”

“Alright then,” she agreed with a laugh. “Jin-i, be my grandchild.”

Smiling, I lowered my head to the table, rubbing my cheek against her hand, which was holding mine. It was the first time since being alone that I felt comfortable enough to be so affectionate with someone.

“My, how sweet and affectionate you are,” she said, amused.

“When you go back,” I asked, “will we never see each other again? You’ll come back to Seoul, right?”

Grandmother didn’t answer right away. She just gave me a soft smile, but it made something twist uneasily in my chest. I waited for her to promise she’d return, even if it was just to reassure me, but she stayed silent. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes, and my nose started to sting. When she saw me about to cry, she seemed startled and reached out to gently stroke my face. I leaned into her warm, comforting touch.

“Jin-i, why are you about to cry?” she asked tenderly.

“I don’t want to part with you, Ok-bun,” I whispered.

“Oh dear, a grown person about to cry? Our Jin-i may be tall, but you’re still a baby, a baby,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Then since I’m a baby,” I murmured, “please don’t leave.”

“…”

Grandmother fell silent again, and my heart sank even deeper. I didn’t know why, but my parents came to mind in that moment, as if the vulnerability I’d felt from recent events had made me more fragile.

“I hate it when precious people leave,” I confessed, my voice breaking.

I wasn’t sure why I was saying such things when she was simply returning to the countryside. But something in her gentle, yet bittersweet expression gave me a sense that our paths might not cross again.

“Oh, Jin-i,” she said softly. “Grandmother is just going back to the countryside. Why are you so sad?”

“Because you haven’t promised to come back,” I replied, feeling a tear slip down my cheek.

Grandmother patted my hand gently, trying to comfort me. But suddenly, words began to spill out of me uncontrollably, as if the dam holding back all my fears and sadness had burst.

“Someone precious to me left without saying goodbye,” I began, my voice trembling. “After having so much fun together, they went deep into the ocean without any warning, leaving me alone in the vast sea. If they were going to do that, they should have taken me…”

“Oh no, don’t say such terrible things,” Grandmother gently interjected.

“They could have at least let me say goodbye,” I continued, tears welling up. “Then I could have prepared my heart. Why did they leave without a word? How are those left behind supposed to keep living? My heart still hurts so much. I should have been better to them, should have told them I loved them more. Why didn’t they let me do even that before they left? How could they just disappear?”

Grandmother silently patted my hand for a long time, her gentle presence offering comfort. Speaking these words out loud made me feel exposed, and a flush of embarrassment washed over me. Why had I suddenly opened up to her like this? I had never confided in anyone before, but something about Grandmother made me feel safe, as if my broken pieces could be held gently without judgment. She responded in her soothing, calming voice.

“If they say goodbye before leaving, your heart aches until the very moment they go, doesn’t it?” she murmured. “They probably left suddenly so Jin-i wouldn’t feel that pain.”

“I’d rather have felt the pain in those moments,” I confessed. “The sadness afterward is so much worse. It’s almost unbearable… If they’re going to leave, they should tell us and give us time to prepare for the farewell. When they just disappear, those left behind live with a knife in their heart. The memories that surface out of nowhere keep tearing us apart.”

Grandmother gazed into my eyes, her expression even sadder than before. Her gentle, searching question followed.

“Jin-i, does parting really need time?” she asked quietly.

“Yes,” I replied. “Time to prepare for goodbye is absolutely necessary. Not giving that time only makes it easier for the one leaving. They can just walk away, but for those left behind… How do we endure the emptiness?”

“Ah, I see,” she said softly. “Our Jin-i is giving this grandmother some wise advice.”

Her face seemed more serene than I’d ever seen it, and my earlier anxiety dissipated, replaced by an unexpected sense of relief. We continued to chat about various topics, and eventually, she opened up about her grandchild. 

Her daughter had come to Seoul to study when she was young. One day, she returned home pregnant, but she never revealed the father’s identity, a secret she took to her grave. After giving birth alone, her health, already fragile, declined rapidly, and she passed away, leaving Grandmother to raise the child by herself. Despite the difficulties, Grandmother raised her grandchild, who had been a prodigy from a young age, excelling in school. She had to persuade the child to go to university instead of working to support them both, and eventually, they were accepted into A University in Seoul.

Listening to her story made me admire Grandmother even more. She had endured so much and raised both her daughter and grandchild alone.

“You’re sad again, our Jin-i?” she teased, noticing my tearful eyes. I quickly shook my head, denying it.

“But your eyes are red,” she said with a knowing smile.

“I’m not crying,” I protested.

“Right, you’re not,” she said playfully. “You’re holding up well, aren’t you, our Jin-i?”

“I’m not crying. I haven’t cried in over ten years,” I insisted. “No matter how hard things got.”

Grandmother’s expression softened, and she looked at me with deep sadness. “Was there no one by your side to catch your tears?” she asked quietly.

At that, the dam I had been holding back broke, and the tears I’d kept hidden for so long burst forth. ‘Ah, Grandmother, why are you making me cry? I was barely holding it together,’ I thought, embarrassed as my tears streamed down both cheeks.

“Stop!” Grandmother said firmly, as if scolding a child. Then her handkerchief, full of her comforting scent, gently dabbed my tears.

Though my eyes remained shut, I was sure Grandmother wore her warm, familiar smile. But I kept my eyes closed, too afraid that seeing her face would make me cry even harder.

* * *

On our way back, Grandmother paused to examine the t-shirts displayed outside a clothing store. She picked one up and asked me curiously, “How much would this cost?”

It was a simple white short-sleeved t-shirt with a small sea turtle embroidered on the chest. Since it was on sale, it cost less than 20,000 won.

“Less than 20,000 won,” I told her.

“Does it look pretty?” she asked.

“Are you going to wear it, Ok-bun?” I joked, smiling.

“No, it’s for my grandchild,” she replied.

“How tall is your grandchild?” I asked, imagining a petite young woman.

“About your height,” she said, surprising me.

I tilted my head in confusion. I’m 185 cm tall—unusually tall for a woman. Could her grandchild really be that tall?

“Then should we get my size?” I offered.

Grandmother looked at me with a playful glint in her eyes. “Do you like it?” she asked.

“Pardon?” I replied, confused.

“My grandchild’s shirt,” she said, poking me gently. A smile broke across my face, and I couldn’t help but nod.

“I love it,” I said, feeling warmth spread through my chest.

“Then I’ll buy it for you,” she declared.

“No, let me buy it,” I insisted, but she waved me off.

“I want to buy something for my grandchild,” she said firmly.

I watched with a soft heart as Grandmother walked into the store. A few moments later, she emerged holding a shopping bag with the t-shirt inside. She handed it to me with a warm smile. “You’ll look so handsome in this,” she said.

“Ok-bun,” I began, “can I visit you during summer vacation?”

“Of course,” she replied. “Who would stop my grandchild from coming?”

Her words made my heart flutter, filling me with a sense of belonging, as if I had gained a real family. One good thing had come from becoming Ha Jin: meeting our Grandmother Ok-bun. It made everything worth it.