This World is too Cruel to Men

‘As expected…’

He doesn’t notice.

I figured as much, but actually seeing it happen left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yet, a part of me was also relieved.

That’s why I was confused.

I wished Dokgun knew how I felt.

Maybe then, this frustration would ease somewhat.

But what if he rejects me after knowing?

I wished things could just… stay as they were.

My heart was constantly in a tug-of-war, making it difficult to even discern what I truly desired.

It was even harder because I had to maintain my usual expression amidst this inner turmoil.

That’s why I was grateful for this situation, borrowing Dokgun’s scarf.

What if I didn’t have it?

He would have definitely noticed my drooping lips and dejected expression.

“So… I’ll head in then?”

“…Yeah.”

So this is it for today.

‘Stupid girl…’

If I was going to be brave, I should have gone all the way.

Instead, I chickened out at the last minute, awkwardly covering the writing on the side of the Pepero box with my finger.

Self-loathing and frustration bubbled up inside me, prompting me to turn away quickly.

If my expression was distorted because of it, I’d definitely look pathetic.

I didn’t want to show Dokgun my distorted face when I should only be showing him my best side.

Even though I turned abruptly, my steps were slow.

This was because of a faint, almost negligible flicker of hope that began echoing in my heart: ‘What if…’

What if, just what if?

I didn’t want to rush and miss an opportunity.

So I deliberately walked slowly… and perhaps the heavens heard my desperate prayer.

Dokgun’s footsteps, which had been following behind me, suddenly stopped—

“Ah, right. Hey.”

His voice called out to me.

It was no different from his usual tone, yet the moment it reached my ears, my heart began to pound rapidly.

The timing was just too perfect.

Why did he call me? What did he want to say?

I wanted to urge him to speak, but I held back.

What if, just what if?

I couldn’t let my impatience ruin things.

So… I waited for Dokgun to speak at his own pace.

I waited—

“The, uh, scarf…”

Ah.

So that was it.

He didn’t call me for any other reason but that.

The moment I realized my anticipation was nothing more than wishful thinking, the inflated expectation deflated.

It couldn’t be helped.

Since he brought up the scarf, what he would say next was obvious.

He’d probably ask me to take it off and return it.

“Ah, sorry. I forgot.”

I had anticipated that, so I unwrapped the scarf from my neck and offered it to him… but I guess it’s true that you should listen to someone until the very end.

“No, that’s not what I meant… If you like that style, I could buy you one?”

“Huh?”

I was expecting him to ask for it back, but his unexpected offer to buy me a scarf left me flustered.

That was the sole reason for my reaction, but Dokgun seemed to interpret it differently.

He scratched his cheek with an embarrassed expression and continued.

“Well… you don’t usually wear scarves and stuff because they’re too stuffy.”

That… was true.

Scarves, thick padded jackets… I found them constricting and heavy, so I didn’t like wearing them.

But I wasn’t particularly resistant to the cold either, so I always shivered in the winter.

When I was younger, I had a weak throat, so whenever I went out in the winter, my throat would swell up the next day, and I’d be sick in bed.

And every time that happened, Dokgun would help my dad take care of me.

He’d nag me endlessly, telling me to wear a scarf even if it was stuffy.

At the time, with my throat already killing me, his nagging only annoyed me.

But now, thinking back, it was a happy memory that made my lips twitch into a smile.

“But you seem to be wearing it well today.”

“…You said you didn’t have money?”

“Come on, I received such a precious gift. I can at least get you a scarf.”

He pulled the Pepero box I had given him out of his bag, waving it around as if showing it off.

It was cute, but also bittersweet.

From his angle, he couldn’t see it, but the words ‘I like you’ written on the side of the box kept flashing before my eyes.

“So, can we go to the department store’s luxury brand section?”

“Uh… the luxury brand section might be a little… much, don’t you think?”

“Why? You said you could get me anything.”

“No, it’s not about the money…”

“Then?”

“It’s all for your sake, think about it, what if your favorite Hero had been decked out in luxury brands since childhood?”

“I’d think they really like that brand.”

I knew what kind of answer he wanted, but I didn’t want to give it to him straight.

So I twisted it a bit, and he seemed to be at a loss for words, letting out a small, “Uh, um…” He looked… cute.

He was at least 10cm taller than me, yet he acted like that.

“But thinking about it, asking for a luxury item as payback for a single Pepero box is a bit much.”

“Right? Right?”

He had been flustered just a moment ago, but now he was nodding vigorously in agreement as if waiting for me to change my mind.

That was cute too.

Anyway… we decided to buy a scarf when we went to get our school uniforms.

“But do they sell them at the same store?”

“Huh? Of course they don’t sell them at the uniform store.”

“No, I’m talking about our uniforms.”

“…Ah.”

“We live in the same neighborhood, but I’m not sure if they sell them at the same place…”

As Dokgun said, Whispering Willow High School and the school he got into were in the same neighborhood.

The problem was that they were about four bus stops apart.

Hearing him talk made it sink in.

After graduating middle school, we’d be going to different high schools.

Until now, we just went to the same place and got our uniforms together… just going to different schools created such a difference.

The one good thing was that we’d be taking the bus in the same direction.

So, even if it was a little complicated and bothersome in the morning, we could still leave home together and go to school like we always did.

Of course… I’d have to wake up a little earlier to match Dokgun’s schedule… but it wasn’t like I couldn’t do that.

“So, when are we going to get our uniforms?”

“Well… I guess we’ll have to think about it after the closing ceremony, right?”

He glanced at me, grinning mischievously, clearly ready to tease me.

“You never know. We might get them early and then something unfortunate might happen, like someone suddenly outgrowing their uniform.”

“…Do you want to die? Don’t you see all the snow piled up around here?”

“Come on… who said it was you? I’m just saying.”

He was still bringing up what happened during winter break in our first year of middle school, almost two years ago.

“Anyway, we’re going after the closing ceremony, right? Should I tell Dad beforehand?”

“Yeah.”

I said that, but… Dad wouldn’t be coming with us to get our uniforms.

I’d tell him not to.

It would be more convenient to have an adult with us, but this was a rare chance to hang out just the two of us.

I couldn’t let Dad ruin it by tagging along.

It might be hard to find time together once we started high school, so I couldn’t miss this opportunity.

I didn’t hear the words I was hoping for, but I secured a chance to hang out with Dokgun alone.

I waited patiently, yet anxiously, for that day to arrive.

Finally, the long-awaited closing ceremony arrived.

As soon as the morning ceremony ended, I grabbed the card I had gotten from Dad earlier and headed towards Dokgun.

Was he saying goodbye to his friends since he wouldn’t need to come to school anymore?

I would have liked to wait, but I didn’t have much time.

The principal’s speech had gone on for almost 30 minutes, so it would soon be noon.

I wanted to spend the whole night with Dokgun, but my parents wouldn’t allow it, so I needed to move quickly.

I figured I’d start getting calls from Mom or Dad around eight o’clock.

So I rushed towards Dokgun… thankfully, none of his friends were clueless.

“Hey, let’s go.”

“Huh? Right now?”

“Things like this need to be done right away.”

“Well, yeah, but… what about your dad?”

“Dad? I asked him this morning, and he said he has something to do today and can’t come.”

“Oh… too bad.”

I wasn’t disappointed at all, but I made sure to agree with him.

“I know, right? It would be so much easier if we could take Dad’s car.”

“It can’t be helped. He has work.”

“The problem is he’s always free, and then he has work at times like this.”

“Hey… I bet he wanted to come too.”

…That was true.

He had gotten uncharacteristically excited when I told him we were going to get our uniforms.

Anyway… I think I’d given enough justification for us to be alone, so it was time to actually move.

So…

“Let’s go. Hurry.”