The Simpsons: Bart

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***

Arriving at the arena before my debut show, EMLL: Clash of the Multiverse, I couldn't fight the nerves, and a strong feeling that I wasn't ready for my debut at all, despite El Bandito's assurances.

- Hola, are you El Barto? I'm your opponent tonight, Le Bestia Morada. - greeted me in broken English, a short but fit man with white lenses and a purple mask that doesn't hide his lush long black hair.

- Um... What am I supposed to do? - Conquering my pride, I still turned to the clearly more experienced wrestler.

- Um, we're gonna have a defmatch, right? - WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DEATH MATCH?! - Don't worry too much and just go with the flow.

- But if I were to... Well. Like, a lot.

- AHAHA-HAHA-HAHA! Are you afraid of hurting me?! - followed by the Purple Beast, the whole locker room burst out laughing. - Well try it...

With a smile, my debut opponent, to whom I would lose the match, slammed me in the chest with such force that I collapsed on the bench and then walked away.

Speaking of my opponent, unlike me, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with an American flag, Le Bestia Morada, in addition to a rather nice-looking mask, had purple trousers with fur and a cloak a couple of shades lighter, also imitating wool. In general, next to me, he looks like a real wrestler....

- El Barto, your speech for today. - before the final pre-show prep, El Bandito entered the locker room.

- I'm supposed to read promos?! - Isn't that too much responsibility?!

- Ha-ha-ha, you could call it a promo! - El Bandito's laughter made me raise an eyebrow and lowered my gaze to the text written on the napkin.

- Fuck Mexico!!!

- Add more will, like you actually believe it, like you're talking about your dota partners!

- Coach, do you have any idea what you're talking about? - I got a slap on the wrist for my inappropriate question.

- Of course I do! You know how many promos I've read in my 30 years of performing?! - this is probably not a good time to say that I was actually asking about knowing what 'dota' is.....

.....

The music started playing. The announcer read out a welcome speech to a packed, two or three hundred people, nightclub audience.

It all passed me by, seemingly in a second. Just like the first two matches. It seemed like one brief blink from the opening song and the clap on my shoulder telling me to come out from backstage.

*♪ Slap ♪

Pulling myself together. I came out from backstage to the anthem of the United States of America. Naturally, the people in Mexico immediately greeted me with a disapproving 'boo.' I got a nervous smile on my face from the unaccustomed attention, with literally everyone's eyes on me and the cameras at the same time.

- Hmmm!

Realising that I wouldn't be able to get rid of it. I tried to feign smugness.

Walking down the stage, I climbed into the ring slowly. The audience took it as a gesture of arrogance and disrespect, when in reality I just didn't want to screw up by getting tangled or caught on the ropes or slipping off the edge of the ring.... Or God forbid slipping under it.

As I walked from side to side, smiling and slouching, I noticed the announcer pointing his eyes at the microphone in his hands to me...

- А!

I immediately walked over and pushed away a middle-aged man who immediately fell into the ropes and clutched his head and chest as if I had shot him several times with a gun.

- My name is Bart Simpson! And I have two words for you - FUCK MEXICO!

After reading the promo in one breath with all the hatred I could muster, it wasn't until it was over that I realised I'd screwed up and called myself by the wrong alias!

- Boo!!!

The audience didn't notice, though, and began to express their displeasure much louder. I had no choice but to pretend that it was just the way it was meant to be.

*♪ A copyrighted popular rock song ♪

- Yeah.

Until, to the cheers of the crowd, Le Bestia Morada jumped out from backstage. who ran into the ring with a chair in his hands.

Naturally, by the law of wrestling, when Morada slipped into the ring with a deft dive, I, being a hil or rudo, immediately climbed out of the ring between the ropes.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha!

- What, not so brave anymore!

- So much for the American pig!

And while Le Bestia Morada was hitting the ropes along the entire quadrangle with a chair, I was walking along the guardrail between the mats and the audience, listening to all sorts of unkind things directed in my direction, including some not limited to mats.

- Boo!

When the referee began to call me into the ring so he could strike the gong and announce the start of the bout, I began to refuse, cowardly pointing to the chair in Le Bestia's hands.

- Get in the ring, American!

Naturally the referee took my opponent to the opposite corner. However, I continued to feign displeasure, pointing at the chair in my hands.

- It's time to take responsibility for your words!

To which Le Bestia Morada unfolded the chair and sat on it, beckoning me into the ring with his hands and shrugging his shoulders when I still refused under the pretext that he was still easily able to use the chair.

- Ha ha ha ha!...

Eventually, to the laughter of the crowd, Le Bestia Morada turned the chair in the opposite direction and shrugged his shoulders.

- Boo!

I, on the other hand, immediately pulled another chair out from under the ring and slipped between the bottom rope to the referee's gong...

*♪ Clap ♪

Slam the seat right into the forehead of my opponent, who stood up sharply but didn't expect it.

- One, two, three-- hold's broken!

The seat flew off. I immediately tried to hold on to Le Bestia, but he broke free at the last moment.

*Bang!

Several blows from the chair hit Morada's head, actually on the flooring next to his face.

- Boo!

To the negative chanting of the crowd, I lift my opponent up with a light movement for a suplex.

- BOO!

And with my free hand making an obscene gesture, I drop him into the ring.

* Bang *

Two punches to the referee while attempting a hold. Then I start kicking the mask.

I get out of the ring, get the table first. But because of the crowd's positive reaction, I drop it. And then I find a belt under the ring, which I use to--

- Aah! Aah!

I'm gonna pound Le Bestia with all my might. There's no tricks. Plus, bruises are good for the perception of the match.

*♪ Slap ♪

At some point, Le Bestia stopped villifying for me, feigning pain, and instead, with a blank stare and only a grin, started taking whipping slaps to the chest.

- Yeah!..!

To follow it up with a dropkick to get me down on the deck.

- Yeah!

Next came the shuting start with a run-up, backflip with a belly landing on the chest of the lying opponent.

- Morada! Morada!

To the chanting of the crowd, La Bestia inserted a chair in front of my face as I managed to crawl to the ring post after breaking two out of the hold.

- YEAH!!!

Well next, from the corner in a straight line across the face, a dropkick by La Bestia flew straight into the chair. That was pretty painful.

- Ouch!

Once again he broke out of the hold for two. To which Morada had already climbed out of the ring to retrieve from underneath him....

- Yeah!

Followed by a scattering of buttons across the ring....

- Boo!

When La Bestia tried to go for his finisher, the final move was the Animal Bomb, a move where you lift your opponent up onto your shoulders from behind, flipping him over to then drop him back down. Anyway, I counterattacked the attempt by bluntly throwing Morada over myself, who.....

- Ahhhh!

Ended up with his bare back on buttons that quickly dug in and bloodied his back.

- Boooo!

I immediately sealed La Bestia's face into the planking and began riding him on the buttons with a maniacal grin. While I was doing this, Morada's hand reached into the floor of my mask to....

- Awww!

As I lifted his head by his hair, rivulets of blood flowed from behind the mask, causing the crowd to catch their breath.

- BUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Lifting La Bestia to his feet, immediately laying him back on the buttons with a powerful lariat.

- Daaaaaaah!...

When I try to do it a second time, Morada dives under my arm and deftly leaps first onto my back and then onto my shoulders to stick his head straight into the floor, right into the buttons....

- Aaah!

I shielded my eyes and face with my arm out, which resulted in several buttons digging into my arm.

- Yaaaaaah!!!

While I held my sore arm sitting on my knees, Morada scattered into the ropes and came running in with a dropkick to the back of my head, actually the back of my back.

- We want tables! We want the tables!

After a failed hold, La Bestia crawled out of the ring where he picked up a table and brought it already in the ring.

- YEAH!

After walking on my back with a few punches. Morada went back outside the ring, and from underneath the ring he pulled out a second table, only wrapped in barbed wire.

- Boo!

I deflected an attempted Animal Bomb with a kick between the legs. Next, I corner La Bestia, lift her up for a Turnbuckle. Where...

- YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

- One-two-three!

After a few elbow answers, Morada gets me on his shoulders and throws me off the third rope straight into the barbed wire, where he holds me to three....

This is how my debut match came out, the consequences of which were.....