The Lord Just Wants to Have Fun

The moment Philip entered the hall, Viscount Armand de Mirabeau sneered.

With his bulky physique and overdeveloped muscles, the man resembled a muscle-bound pig, and his expression was full of contempt.

Philip noticed Terry tensing in anger, but he held up a hand to calm him down before speaking calmly.

“You’re aware that due to the ongoing famine, the monsters in the Prill Mountains have begun to stir.”

“And? Are you here to beg for military aid? Tsk tsk, the so-called Blacksmith Baron sure is a coward.”

Armand had a knack for irritating people, much like Robert.

Philip suppressed his urge to retaliate and continued.

“I’m not here to ask for troops. I simply wanted to discuss the necessity of cooperation. We might face a major battle soon, so shouldn’t we avoid unnecessary disputes?”

“Disputes? What are you talking about?”

“The fight between our shepherds at the border pastures.”

“Oh, that?”

Armand grinned mockingly and shrugged.

“The solution is simple. You bow your head and pay compensation, and it’s over.”

“Your shepherds illegally trespassed onto our land.”

“Trespassing? Ha! That land was always ours!”

“You must be mistaken. I have records proving it belongs to Brandel.”

Philip took out letters from past lords and official maps from the royal archives.

The letters clearly stated that the pasture in question belonged to Brandel, and the royal maps also marked it within Brandel’s borders.

But Armand simply tore the documents apart, shredding them into pieces.

“Ha! You think I’d accept some forged documents?”

“So you’re saying you refuse to acknowledge the truth?”

“That’s right! What are you going to do about it? Declare a territorial war?”

Philip had always known Armand was aggressive and greedy, but he hadn’t expected him to be this unreasonable.

After glaring at him in silence for a moment, Philip suddenly smiled—a sharp, cold smile.

“I’ll leave for today. But everything that happens next will be your responsibility, Viscount.”

“What did you just say, you little—?! A blacksmith’s brat dares to threaten me?!”

Ignoring Armand’s furious shouting, Philip turned and left the castle.

******

Upon hearing how Philip had been treated, Carpenter and the knights were outraged.

“That bastard is beyond shameless!”

“My lord, we must teach him a lesson—even if it means war!”

“That’s right! If we let this slide, they’ll continue to look down on us!”

Even Carpenter, instead of calming the others down, encouraged them.

Philip gave him a bewildered look.

“War? You want me to destroy my own territory?”

Mirabeau’s army was twice as large as theirs, and they had more knights as well.

Even if Brandel somehow won, the damage would be immense.

“So you’ll just let this go?”

“No, we’ll teach them a lesson.”

Carpenter looked confused.

“How exactly do you plan to do that?”

Philip smirked.

“Trust me. We don’t need a war to humiliate them.”

As he recalled Armand’s arrogant face, his smile turned ice-cold.

‘You started this, Viscount. Don’t regret it later.’

******

The next day, Philip gathered knights, soldiers, and the injured shepherds in the forest outside the castle.

Carpenter and Terry, still unaware of the plan, looked at him expectantly.

“My lord, how exactly are we going to humiliate the Mirabeau bastards?”

“Well, let me explain…”

As Philip detailed his plan, Terry’s face twisted in discomfort.

“That’s… dishonorable.”

Like many knights, Terry had been trained in chivalry—a strict moral code that valued honor over deceit.

But Carpenter was different.

“You fools! Who do you think is more dishonorable? The ones stealing our land or us for fighting back?”

“But Captain, we are knights. We should uphold our dignity.”

“Shut it! The lord has given his command. Now, take off your armor!”

Carpenter immediately removed his tunic, rolled in a mixture of soot and mud.

Nevertheless, when some knights hesitated, Carpenter scowled even more fiercely and barked,
“You bastards! Anyone who doesn’t want to do this, get lost! But from tomorrow onward, you’ll have to spar with me once a day!”
“I-I’ll do it!”

Sparring with Carpenter was less like training and more like a one-sided beating.
Startled, the knights immediately began taking off their armor.
The soldiers and shepherds had already been following Philip’s lead, stripping down and covering their bodies with mud.
The shepherds, whose livelihoods were directly threatened, were especially enthusiastic.

“We’ll obey even if the lord commands something harsher than this!”

Once everyone was ready, Philip climbed onto a nearby rock and began his speech.

“Thank you for following my unreasonable command. I, too, will forsake my humanity until this operation is complete, just as you all have. We must ensure its success.”

“Long live our lord!”
“For the Brandel territory!”

At Carpenter’s lead, everyone roared in response.
Philip shook his head at the sight.

“Did you not hear me? I said we are forsaking our humanity until this mission is complete. That means we are no longer human. Understood?”

“WOOOAAAHHHH—!”

Satisfied by the beastly roar, Philip took the lead and stepped into the forest.
In one hand, he held a golf club enhanced by the Might Skills Golden Hammer.

“Hey, Terry, how do you think this will go?”
“How should I know? We can only hope for the best.”

The knights, sighing quietly to themselves, donned masks made of tree bark and followed Philip into the darkness.

*****

Northeastern Pastures of the Brandel Territory

The shepherds of the Viscounty of Mirabeau leisurely herded their sheep across the border.

“The grass really is better here.”
“Those damn barony bastards barely even raise sheep, yet they’re so stingy.”
“Wouldn’t it be better if our lord just took over the barony already?”

Chuckling among themselves, the viscounty’s shepherds glanced around.
They expected the Brandel shepherds to show up and pick a fight like last time, but strangely, not a single one was in sight today.

“Something feels off.”
“Off, my ass. They probably got their asses handed to them last time and are too scared to come near us.”
“Hey, there’s a signpost over here.”

A white-painted sign stood tall, large, bold letters scrawled across it.

“What does it say?”
“Probably something like ‘This is our land, don’t trespass.’”
“Hah! Like that’s gonna stop us.”

Illiterate, the shepherds didn’t bother reading the sign. Instead, they kicked it over and led their flock deeper into the pasture.
The best grass was always further in.

Woof! Woof woof woof!

As they reached the lusher grazing area, the sheepdogs suddenly began barking furiously.
Thinking a wolf might be nearby, the shepherds glanced around—only to see figures rising from the undergrowth.

“Chhiiiieeeek!”
“WOOOAAAHHH—!”

A horde of figures, their bodies smeared black with mud, clad in crude rags made from tree bark and woven grass, emerged.
They wielded slings, spears, and clubs as they charged forward.

The shepherds’ eyes widened in terror.

“O-Orcs!”
“The orcs from the Prill Mountain Range are attacking!”

Panicked, the shepherds fumbled for their bows.
But before they could even notch an arrow, stones came hurtling toward them, and the oncoming ‘orcs’ struck them down with spears and clubs, knocking them off their horses.

Watching the shepherds crumble under the surprise attack, Orc Chief—no, Philip—grinned.

‘This is easier than I expected.’

He had been furious at Armand’s shamelessness and had personally devised and pushed forward this plan. But there was one thing that still nagged at him.

If the fight escalated, casualties could pile up.
Perhaps because of his Earth-born mentality as Kang Hyunsoo, he had no desire to see people die—not on his side, and not even on the enemy’s.