The Degeneracy of Shinigami [R-18]

Nel quickly scrambled up and put on an 'I'm-disgusted-with-you-and-you-smell-like-shit-oh-yeah-BANKAI' look on her face. "I must be an arrogant prick, my pride demands it," the arrancar intoned in a fair approximation of the Kuchiki lord. They all burst out laughing.

"That is sooooo Byakuya," Yoruichi said, clutching her sides.

Nel changed expressions again, dropping her voice a couple octaves, "Lie on your back. I must enter you. My pride demands it." They all laughed again. "I can't even imagine him having sex. He probably has noble, aristocratic, missionary position sex. Don't even think about changing positions…pleasure and excitement is not allowed."

"Yea, I'm pretty sure he's unseducable. I mean… I've never seen his facial expression change…like ever. It's gonna be pretty hard to seduce him while he's scowling at you like that." Rangiku paused to sip her drink then continued. "If you pull this off you'll go down in the seductress hall of fame or something."

The other women nodded in agreement and promptly began concocting a plan to subdue and ultimately rape Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi, leaving Nel alone to figure out how to simply seduce the Noble Captain Kuchiki.

Day 2

Byakuya eyed each member of the committee he'd been placed in charge of. His lieutenant sat to his left, the only other sane person there, while to his left, the brute Kenpachi Zaraki loomed. Lieutenant Odelschwanck the former third Espada was next to her demon cat of a captain, Yoruichi Shihoin. Beside Yoruchi sat Coyote Starrk, the lazy Ninth Squad lieutenant and former Primera Espada.

That idiotic genius Kisuke Urahara and Ichigo Kurosaki the former substitute shinigami, saviors of the Soul Society, were present, as well as the leader of the Visoreds, Shinji Hirako. Head Captain Yamamoto had become paranoid in the months following the war. Any sign of hollow activity and he wanted it investigated.

Better safe than sorry, Byakuya supposed, but he was really in no mood for the group's foolishness. They all knew they were only meeting to put the Head Captain's mind at ease. Captain Urahara and Lieutenant Kurosaki had already gone to the human world and determined there was no threat. Though he had to admit that they would be a formidable group should any real peril present itself.

"It's so boring around here lately I'm gonna lose my mind if nothing happens soon," Ichigo said, resting his chin on his fist. "I was praying we found something when we went to the human world the other day."

"You'd rather fight a hollow than me? What kind of pussy shit is that!" Kenpachi grumbled.

Byakuya was about to point out to Captain Zaraki that there were ladies present just as Yoruichi pulled a bottle of saké out of her robe. At the same time, Nel produced cups from her cleavage, enough for everyone.

"Do you have a cabinet in there?" Kisuke quipped.

"Feel free to rummage around in my junk, Captain" she shot back.

'Ladies indeed,' Byakuya thought.

They would have to be there no less than an hour for it to appear they'd had a meeting of any importance. Byakuya rolled his eyes and checked the time. Only fifteen minutes had passed.

This would be the longest hour of his life. He watched as Lieutenant Schiffer put his hand over his cup and shook his head, and almost smirked when Yoruichi poured the drink all over the top of his hand. Byakuya decided he would not make the same mistake. He simply wouldn't drink whatever was given to him. After everyone's cup was filled Ichigo continued arguing with Kenpachi.

"I'm sick of fighting you. You almost kill me every time we fight. What kind of psycho shit is that…we're on the same side! You can't possibly tell me you're not tired of trying to murder me, Ikkaku and Grimm."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch!" Kenpachi shrugged and downed his drink in one gulp. "I've got better things to do than play around with you little shits anyway," he said as Yoruichi gave him a refill.

"I bet you do," Nel mumbled, sharing a knowing smirk with Yoruichi.

"What was that?" Kisuke leaned forward to look at Nel.

"Huh…nothing," she said, attempting to look innocent and failing miserably.

Byakuya was almost managing to tune out the foolish chatter around him when he felt someone's foot touch his. He was about to dismiss it as a mistake, but then said foot traveled halfway up his shin. Who was responsible for this outrage? He pulled his leg back and studied every face at the round table through slitted eyes.

Except for his lieutenant they all seemed to be more interested in staring at Starrk sleep than rubbing his foot. He peeked under the table and Ulquiorra gave him a questioning glance, but before he could say anything a loud bang grabbed their attention.

Yoruichi had knocked Starrk's arm, which he'd been using as a pillow, from under his chin, sending his head crashing onto the table. The Primera glared sleepily at her, rubbing his head, then slid his chair closer to Kisuke and began using his shoulder as a head cushion. The glare he received from Ichigo and Shinji did not go unnoticed by Yoruichi.

Byakuya was just about to turn to his lieutenant and comment on how looking at Shinji' s teeth made him want to give him a bale of hay when he felt it again. The foot…it made circles on the top of his own then moved up towards his knee.

His body stiffened and he looked around at the group. It was Kisuke. He was sure of it. The blonde man was staring directly at him with a lazy smirk on his face. Well, at least he thought he was looking directly at him. He couldn't see his eyes under that damned hat, but Byakuya felt certain he had found his target. He watched as Kisuke took a drink from his cup and continued looking in his direction.

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