The Birth of the War Goddess

-Brother?- I put down my comb on the vanity table after seeing his reflection in the mirror from the open window -You startled me-

- I know well I didn't... You knew I was here since a while yet pretended not so notice me- he gulps down his liquor while being seated on the window, one foot resting on the windowsill and the other hanging outside mid-air

-Well...- I begin to talk

-I'm sorry for yelling before, but don't worry I won't tell anybody...

If only we could have you inside the Royal Guards-

-Pei'Ge... I wouldn't accept to get a role only thanks to your reputation, earned with your hardwork and not mine

Especially because they would just have me seat down somewhere doing nothing at all since I'm a woman and your sister...

Well, only if it was possible for a woman to be a Guard-

-Still better than... Ah nevermind- he throws the empty bottle away in the garden, I stare at it rolling on the stones before looking back at my brother.

-So... What about you? You seems to have took a liking on Hua'Ge.

I hope you know what his intentions are...-

-Umph- he chuckles -Don't worry Lai'Er, I know what he wants... But let's not talk about me now

Are you sure this is what you want? The consultant's son I mean.-

-It would actually be a fake marriage for both of us... I'm considering it-

-But what if one day you desire something that he's against? Even if just loving someone.

If nobody matters... Then let me introduce you to someone I trust won't cage you, an old friend from my training days-

I look at the moon seating now in front of him

-It's ok Ge.

He said he doesn't mind me living my life separately, he will support me as long as I keep being his wife to the public eye.

I can always make him sign a contract... But I don't plan in finding love Pei'Ge-

-Do you perhaps have different tastes, dear sister?-

-Hahaha no don't get me wrong... I just don't like the common idea of being married, as if all a woman need is a man owning her for her existence to be meaningful.

If I were to fall in love it's not a big deal actually, I just don't seek it or see it as such an achievement...

All I need is to be able to train and have as much freedom as I can get-

He follows my gaze, toward the dark sky, breathing deeply

-I'll be departing tomorrow, will you be able to stay here alone?- I nod

-Lai'Er, let's just pray to the gods... Your name means Free Future and they surely saw that this life is not enough for you... Who knows what will happen-

...

-Well it is time for me to go father... Till next time- my brother says his last goodbye, holding onto his horse's reins

-Lai'Er! Come here to wave off your dear brother...- I approach them holding onto a small bracelet I sewed during the morning

-A gift... It is not much but I hope you would wear it to remember us-

He wears it right away -I'll always keep it near, dear sister-

My father laughs passing an arm over each of us -Ahh my lovely children all grown up!

It is a pleasure to see how much you cherish eachother.

I have no fear for the future as long as you stay together- he smiles almost tearing up -Now go, my son... Duty is calling-

-What does that mean...?- I look first at my father then my brother

-Nothing much... A meeting has been called for the Guards, normal administration- he smiles hopping on his horse

-I hope to see you all soon-

Once he's gone I stay there a few minutes alone.

My father pat my shoulder, passing by me toward the house again

I miss my brother, every single day...

I clench my fists on the skirt's fabric

"Is there really a possibility for a different ending for me?"

It's not like I'm ungrateful, I know I have a really privileged life and peaceful parents...

I know that I am spoiled and adored

But it's just not for me, I'm tired of enduring this silly usless lifestyle for how much I enjoy art and beauty.

Brewing tea is good, makeup is an art I enjoy and makes me feel beautiful, poetry heals my mind, dresses are splendid and I like switching styles...

I do not mind being good toward everyone beacause that's how humans should always act.

But I don't want to marry and depend on someone else! Never having a to think about anything on my own!

I shouldn't have such thoughts...

Of all that happened yesterday what I enjoyed more was ruining that girl's face in front of everyone and also talking with that stranger...

Not the tons of men looking at me during the banquet with hunger in their eyes

I feel a weird sensation, like something is off so I push away that fog in my head to find a man looking intensely at me on the other side of the road

"Oh... My manners..." I release my skirt and greet the man who gets embarrassed having been spotted staring

-Oh Ehm... I'm sorry Miss-

I get closer -Oh I remember you, sorry for having troubled you last time...- It's the man I met by the river the other day

-I believe this is yours- I lend him his handkchief back

-You shouldn't have bothered Miss- he bends down

-It's no problem at all- I smile to him

-Miss if I may... You were looking troubled a moment ago, could I possibly help in some way?-

I shake my head -Don't worry, I was just missing my dear brother who left for his work as a Royal Guard-

-Oh is that so? I'm sorry for intruding- he moves to leave, swinging his light brown hair in the air

-What's your name?-

-...Chao...-

-Chao and...?- I say asking for the rest of his name

-I preferred to cut off my last name when I moved- he looks sad and frail even tho he's a tall and slightly muscular man

-It's... To not remember, my father hasn't been a really nice person so I don't want to associate myself with that family-

-Don't push yourself in remembering unpleasant things... Could I possibly offer you some gifts to help? Life must be hard for an outsider who rushed here with nothing but their clothes... Just wait here for me-

...

I come back with a box full of food and clothes

-I do not know much about your family so I lent you a couple of woman's clothes too- I say handing him the box

-Miss I cannot accept... I don't want to make charity from you...

My situation is not that bad either, please don't give that to me-

-Then take it as a payback for helping me the other day or share it with others in need- he receives the gift reluctantly

-I'll make sure to repay this debit-

-Don't worry too much, my family own more than what it needs- I see him off before going back indoors...

There are still a few hours of sun light lefts, maybe I should train a little bit...

So I go pack lighter clothes, ready to go test my breathing underwater once again...

And food, I shouldn't forget food again

...

Thanks to the bad mood around my house, nobody notice me sneaking out, even less do they notice my half wet hairs when I get back to have dinner alone...