Squidward's Daily Life At The Krusty Krab

Episode 2: The Krabby Patty Heist

Chapter 1: A Normal Day? Not a Chance.

The Krusty Krab had just opened, and already, Squidward was considering quitting. Again. The cash register was cold against his tentacles as he leaned on it, eyes half-lidded, sighing deeply. Another day of flipping patties, serving grease-loving morons, and enduring SpongeBob's eternal optimism.

The bell above the entrance jingled. The first customer.

"Welcome to the Krusty Krab," Squidward droned, not even looking up.

"SQUIDWAAAAAARD!"

His whole body tensed. He didn't need to look. He already knew. SpongeBob bounced toward him, grinning as if someone had wired his face like that permanently.

"Guess what?!"

"You're moving to another ocean?" Squidward deadpanned.

SpongeBob giggled. "No, silly! I—"

A loud BANG interrupted him. The kitchen door swung open, slamming into the wall. Mr. Krabs stormed out, his big meaty claws gripping something important—his money.

"Listen up, boys!" he barked. "I've got a feelin'—a strong feelin'—that somethin' fishy's gonna happen today."

Squidward groaned. "Something fishy happens here every day. It's called the menu."

"No, no, no!" Mr. Krabs stomped his foot. "I mean I smell trouble! And ye know what that means…"

"Extra security?" SpongeBob gasped.

"Raisin' prices?" Squidward guessed.

Mr. Krabs' eyes gleamed. "Both."

The front door swung open again. In walked a customer Squidward had never seen before. A tall, shady-looking fish with dark sunglasses, a trench coat two sizes too big, and a slow, deliberate walk. He took a seat in the corner booth, barely moving, barely blinking.

Squidward squinted. Something about this guy seemed... off. But then again, everyone who came in here was off in some way.

Mr. Krabs' voice lowered. "That guy ain't orderin' no food. He's watchin'. I know it. Keep an eye on 'im."

Squidward rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. I'll just drop everything and be a full-time spy. Sounds like a great use of my talents."

SpongeBob gasped. "You have talents?!"

Before Squidward could respond with a devastating insult, something weird happened.

The lights flickered.

The air felt… different.

Then—BAM! The back door slammed shut by itself.

Every customer turned to look.

The shady fish didn't flinch.

Mr. Krabs narrowed his eyes. "I knew it. This ain't a normal day. This is a setup!"

"A setup for what?" Squidward asked, unimpressed.

Mr. Krabs leaned in. "A heist, lad. Someone's plannin' to steal me Krabby Patties!"

SpongeBob gasped so hard he nearly passed out. "A Krabby Patty heist!?"

Squidward sighed. "Oh please, who in their right mind would steal—"

Before he could finish, the lights cut out completely.

Darkness.

A loud crash from the kitchen.

Then silence.

And then—

Someone screamed.

The Krusty Krab was drenched in darkness. Somewhere in the pitch-black restaurant, someone had screamed. Squidward, arms crossed, sighed.

"Let me guess," he said dryly. "SpongeBob?"

A trembling voice answered. "M-maybe."

Of course.

The sound of frantic shuffling echoed through the restaurant. A few customers muttered in confusion. Someone knocked over a chair.

"Alright, everybody stay calm!" Mr. Krabs' voice rang out. "Nothin's gettin' stolen on me watch!"

There was a loud clang from the kitchen. Mr. Krabs gasped.

"The grill!"

SpongeBob shrieked. "Not the Krabby Patties!"

The lights flickered back on for half a second—just enough time for Squidward to see Mr. Krabs sprinting toward the kitchen, SpongeBob flailing behind him like an inflatable tube man. Then, total darkness again.

Squidward groaned. "Why am I even here?"

"To experience the thrill of life?" SpongeBob offered.

"No, to suffer," Squidward deadpanned.

More scrambling. More whispers. A deep voice muttered, "This is exactly why I don't eat out anymore."

Another loud BANG from the kitchen. A clatter of metal. Then—footsteps. Fast, hurried. Someone—or something—was moving back there.

Mr. Krabs' voice bellowed. "HEY! WHO GOES THERE?!"

Silence.

Then, the lights flickered back on.

Squidward blinked, eyes adjusting. The Krusty Krab looked exactly the same, except for one major detail.

The kitchen door was wide open.

Inside, the place was a mess—pans knocked over, the fryer bubbling over with grease, and in the middle of it all…

SpongeBob knelt dramatically over the empty grill, shaking. His pupils were tiny dots. His lips quivered. His hands trembled like they were about to collapse under the weight of pure tragedy.

"The patties…" SpongeBob whispered, voice barely audible.

Squidward raised an eyebrow. "Oh no. Anyway."

SpongeBob snapped his head up. "They're gone! The Krabby Patties are gone!"

Gasps filled the room.

Mr. Krabs staggered back, clutching his chest like he'd just been stabbed. "Sweet mother of pearls! Me beautiful, greasy treasures!"

Squidward tapped his chin. "Wow, a real mystery. Who could possibly want to steal greasy, overhyped sandwiches from a fast-food joint?"

Mr. Krabs whirled around. "That guy!" He pointed straight at the shady fish in the trench coat.

The entire restaurant turned.

The fish sat perfectly still. Unblinking. Completely unfazed.

SpongeBob, however, was very fazed. "HE STOLE THEM! HE'S A KRABBY PATTY THIEF!"

"Hold on," Squidward cut in, arms crossed. "Before we go jumping to ridiculous conclusions, let's use some logic." He turned to the fish. "Sir, did you steal the Krabby Patties?"

The fish slowly lowered his sunglasses.

"No."

Squidward shrugged. "Well, that settles that—"

"HE'S LYING!" SpongeBob wailed.

"HE'S GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT!" Mr. Krabs yelled.

The fish sighed, adjusting his coat. "I didn't steal your burgers."

"Then why are ye here?!" Mr. Krabs demanded.

The fish reached into his coat.

The entire restaurant gasped.

SpongeBob ducked behind Squidward. "OH NO! HE'S GONNA PULL OUT A—"

The fish pulled out…

…A notepad.

Squidward squinted. "…Seriously?"

The fish flipped it open. "I'm Detective Gill Finley, Bikini Bottom Private Investigator." He flashed a badge. "I was actually hired to look into potential food theft at this establishment. Seems my client was right."

Silence.

Then—

Mr. Krabs blinked. "…Wait. Someone hired ye?"

Finley nodded. "An anonymous client. Apparently, they suspected Krabby Patties were going missing long before today. They wanted proof." He closed the notebook. "And I think I just got it."

SpongeBob gasped. "You mean… this wasn't the first time?!"

Finley smirked. "Bingo."

The room tensed.

Squidward sighed. "Oh great. So now we have a serial burger burglar."

"Not just any burglar," Finley corrected. He adjusted his sunglasses. "Whoever did this knows exactly what they're doing. And if we don't catch them fast…"

He glanced at the empty grill.

"They'll be back for more."