Selling Devil Fruits in the Marvel Universe

"Pfft!"

Deadpool barely took a bite before spitting it out instantly.

"You've got to be kidding me! This tastes like a mix of garbage and, well, something even worse!" Deadpool shouted at Rosh, unable to contain his disgust.

He swore he'd never tasted anything so vile in his life.

However, this only made Deadpool more convinced. After all, if someone were trying to pull a scam, why would they make it taste this horrendous?

"Sir, there's an old saying from my homeland: 'Good advice is harsh to the ear, and effective medicine often tastes bitter,'" Rosh said, straight-faced.

"Sorry, what did you just say? The taste is so mind-blowingly awful that I choked and didn't hear a thing," Deadpool replied, looking at Rosh with an innocent expression.

Rosh: "..."

"Forget it, I'll hear it later," Deadpool waved it off.

Then, plugging his nose, he stuffed the rest of the fruit into his mouth, chewed furiously, and swallowed.

"I must be insane for believing your nonsense… Shit! What's happening? Why do I feel all tingly?"

The moment Deadpool swallowed the fruit, he regretted it, chastising himself for being so impulsive. Surely, no fruit in the world could be this magical. But before he could finish that thought, he felt a strange, mysterious force working its way over his skin.

Deadpool touched his face in surprise. The rough, scarred texture was rapidly smoothing out. Before he knew it, the scars had completely vanished. His skin felt incredibly smooth to the touch.

"Shit, no way!" Deadpool's eyes widened in disbelief. He quickly ripped off his mask.

A completely refreshed face appeared before Rosh.

Deadpool took a deep breath, pulled out his phone, switched the camera to selfie mode, and held it up.

"Holy shit!"

He screamed so loudly he nearly dropped his phone. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The face that once looked like it had been trampled by a herd of horses had miraculously healed!

It was truly healed!

"Shit, how is this possible? My face… it's actually fixed?" Deadpool was still in shock.

"As you can see, your skin is now incredibly smooth. I wasn't lying to you, was I?" Rosh said with a smug smile, watching Deadpool's reaction.

Once a customer sampled the Devil Fruit, the chances of closing the deal were extremely high, especially for someone like Deadpool, who had major flaws that Rosh's Devil Fruit could perfectly address.

The odds of making a sale just went up even more.

"This isn't just smooth! Even the skin of the goddesses I fantasize about before bed isn't this good! Hell, even women would lose sleep over how flawless my skin looks now!" Deadpool was so excited he nearly jumped for joy.

"Sir, it seems you're quite satisfied with our Devil Fruit, right?" Rosh asked at just the right moment.

"Satisfied? Man, 'satisfied' doesn't even begin to cover it! I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now! Excited, thrilled, totally blown away…" Seeing the intense excitement in Deadpool's eyes, Rosh knew he was telling the truth.

"Your satisfaction is my greatest reward. But, sir, what you just ate was merely a sample, and the effects will only last for five minutes."

"But don't worry. Once you buy the full version of the Smooth-Smooth Fruit, you'll keep that godlike face forever," Rosh said, seamlessly transitioning into sales mode.

Finally, Deadpool understood why Rosh let him try such an overpowered fruit for free. It was just a five-minute trial, nothing more. 

But thinking about it, it made sense. Who in their right mind would give away something so miraculous for free?

"You sneaky bastard! You knew that after the trial, I'd be itching to buy it, right? Well, I've got to hand it to you—I'm sold! I'll take the fruit!" Deadpool said grandly, waving his hand.

"During our grand opening, all fruits are 30% off. The original price of the Smooth-Smooth Fruit is one million dollars, but with the discount, it's only seven hundred thousand."

"Not bad, a discount on something this magical… Wait, what did you say the price was?" The grin on Deadpool's face froze as he processed the number, suspecting he might have misheard.

"One million dollars for a piece of fruit? Isn't that a bit much?" His voice shot up a few octaves.

"Sir, let me repeat: you can buy it for only seven hundred thousand right now. But honestly, do you really think that's expensive?"

"Let's be real, sir. That face of yours—no amount of seven million could fix it, right?"

"Also, in the near future, my shop will no longer accept U.S. dollars and will switch to gold transactions. By then, your cost will go up significantly." Rosh said confidently, "And sir, improving your skin's appearance is just a side effect. The real power of the Smooth-Smooth Fruit is to make your skin frictionless! Do you understand why I keep emphasizing the word 'smooth'?"

"What's the difference?" Deadpool asked, confused. "Smooth just meant looking good, didn't it?"

"Of course, it's more than just appearance! If it was purely cosmetic, it'd be called the Beauty-Beauty Fruit, right? But it's the Smooth-Smooth Fruit because it makes your skin completely frictionless!"

"Zero friction means your body won't experience any resistance. For example, if someone throws a punch at you, their fist will simply slide right off!" Rosh continued explaining.

"Zero friction? That's ridiculous. You've got to be kidding me! You think I'd fall for that?"

*Slap!*

Without warning, Deadpool slapped himself across the face.

Classic Deadpool—always unpredictable.

"It really slid off! My slap just slipped right away, like I was hitting ice!" Deadpool exclaimed in disbelief.

Granted, with Deadpool's exaggerated self-healing abilities, this might seem unnecessary, but that wasn't the point. Even though he could heal, the pain was still pain.

"Sir, you can also try taking off your shoes. As long as there's a slightest incline on the ground, you'll slide like you're skating." Before Rosh could finish, Deadpool had already tossed his shoes aside.

Sure enough, he began sliding sideways across the room. After all, perfectly flat surfaces don't exist in the real world.

"Cool! This is just too cool! I can't even wrap my head around it!" Deadpool shouted gleefully, sliding around the shop.