NOVEL NEXT WORLD Chapter 32
I stared blankly ahead.
Thoughts did not arise. My brain had silently ceased to function, holding its breath quietly.
So, I just looked ahead. That was all I could do.
“Head Priest.”
Someone called out to me. I turned around.
Blonde hair, eyes shining like emeralds. However, it was not Helena.
…It was not Helena.
“…Sofia Sub-priest.”
Sofia Sub-priest looked at me with a bitter smile. I subtly shifted my gaze.
“I’m sorry about earlier.”
“……”
“I truly mean it. I’m really sorry.”
“Head Priest.”
Sofia Sub-priest’s tone was a bit cold. Was she disappointed in me?
It would only make sense. It was rather strange if she wasn’t disappointed. I had suddenly clung to an outsider man, dragging her into a suffocating situation all the way to the dormitory.
Above all, the part that would have disappointed her the most was probably that I had completely ruined today’s outing.
Like well-ripened grain, my head naturally bent down. I found it hard to bear the weight of my heavy thoughts.
“Hah….”
The sound of Sofia Sub-priest’s sigh filled the air. Soon, I felt a presence beside me on the sofa. Sofia Sub-priest had sat down next to me.
“First, have a cup of black tea.”
“…Thank you.”
I hesitated for a moment and then sipped the warm black tea she had handed me. The bitter taste of the cheap black tea I always drank filled my mouth.
“Hey, Head Priest.”
Her tone rose slightly at the end. It seemed that Sofia Sub-priest was really angry.
The person known as the Head Priest. The person who was supposed to be her superior.
To run away in such a disgraceful manner during a rare weekend outing? It was natural for her to be disappointed.
While I was caught up in various thoughts, Sofia Sub-priest continued speaking.
“That sound earlier. It was the sound of a fruit vendor dropping a crate of fruit.”
Thud. Was that the sound I heard? Something falling?
“…Ah.”
As I mulled over Sofia Sub-priest’s words, the sound I had heard came back to me in a slightly different light.
What a foolish thought. Hearing the identity of the loud noise I had perceived, I felt utterly ridiculous for having fled in panic. I muttered while further bowing my head.
“I’m sorry, Sofia Sub-priest.”
“Hey, Head Priest.”
“…Yes.”
“Lift your head.”
I remained still. It was hard for me to look at her expression. If she was making a disappointed face, I might just want to die right here.
“Lift your head, I said.”
Sofia Sub-priest’s voice was firm. Reluctantly, I raised my head.
There was no expression on Sofia Sub-priest’s face. Yet, that made me all the more afraid. I did not know what that blank expression signified.
“I’m sorry, Sofia Sub-priest.”
As I apologized again, I noticed her eyebrows twitch.
“From now on, let’s prohibit apologies. We can’t have a conversation like this.”
“I understand. I’m sorry.”
“Apologies are now prohibited! Prohibited!”
“…Yes.”
I nodded weakly. Sofia Sub-priest stared at me intently for a moment and then lifted her tea cup.
“Hey, Head Priest.”
“Yes.”
“Are you… alright now?”
She was asking if the earlier episode had settled down. I bit my lip for a moment and then nodded with difficulty.
“Thanks to you, I feel a little better. Thank you, Sofia Sub-priest.”
Sofia Sub-priest didn’t respond. She simply looked at me silently for a while and then got up, walking toward the entrance.
“Now, get some rest. I had a good time today.”
“Sofia Sub-priest, is there….”
“Yes?”
As Sofia Sub-priest opened the front door to leave, she turned back to me. I flinched at her gaze.
Gulp.
“Are you… angry?”
“…….”
Sofia Sub-priest stopped abruptly. I asked her once more.
“Is it because I showed you such a pathetic side… that you are angry?”
“Head Priest.”
“I’m sorry, Sofia Sub-priest. Next time….”
“Head Priest Antoinneri!”
Thud. Thud.
Sofia Sub-priest turned away from the door and then approached me with a determined stride. I looked at her in slight surprise.
Sofia Sub-priest, now right in front of me, gazed at me with jewel-like, sparkling eyes and began to speak.
“I’ll tell you just once, so listen carefully.”
I nodded slightly without a word. There was something in her fierce demeanor that was impossible to refuse.
“I’m not angry; I’m upset.”
The green sparkling jewels. The circular emeralds shone even brighter, filled with transparent liquid. Tears filled Sofia Sub-priest’s eyes, as if she had been holding back all this time.
“Because you keep showing me such a side of yourself… it upsets me a lot…”
As Sofia Sub-priest continued to speak, her eyes glistened with tears resembling Helena’s.
Just imagining how painful this would feel for me was indescribable. My heart throbbed. Wouldn’t it be less painful to just carve out my own heart?
In the end, a clear tear trickled down Sofia Sub-priest’s beautiful cheek. I instinctively turned my gaze away.
I felt it would truly be difficult to keep looking into those eyes any longer.
“Head Priest. I don’t care what happens to today’s weekend outing. But….”
“……”
“Isn’t it time for you to trust me at least once…?”
Sofia Sub-priest bowed her head deeply. Her clear, pure tears, more beautiful than anything, fell like droplets onto the sofa.
“I know that you participated in the Great War. When I met Priest Peter, who didn’t notice your sharp reaction, how could I not know?”
“About that…”
“So, I also know that you carry wounds so deep they’re beyond measure. I can understand that you don’t share them with me to a certain extent. But… but…”
Sofia Sub-priest lifted her face. Watching her tears flow like streams was like tearing my heart apart.
“Don’t you think about how I feel, watching you like this?”
I was at a loss for words. My tongue stood awkwardly, frozen in place, unable to move. I could not respond.
– It’s about time you thought of me when you lost me.
Because that one phrase was so strikingly similar to the private grievances I had poured out toward Helena. Just because of those words.
My chest felt unbearably tight. I suddenly wanted to scream. I knew that it wouldn’t solve anything, yet I wanted to scream. I barely managed to hold it in.
This frustration. The pain in my heart was unbearable. I felt like I was sinking into it slowly, sinking into a very deep sea of sorrow. To a place where no light penetrated.
I thought I was sinking alone, but I realized I was sinking with a ship. The crew aboard the vessel called my responsibility was not just me.
The selfish thought that I only needed to endure alone had hurt Sofia Sub-priest.
I looked at Sofia Sub-priest. She seemed about to say something but then fell silent again.
“…Head Priest.”
I looked at her silently. My deep sea eyes were turned toward Sofia Sub-priest, and her clear, transparent green eyes met mine.
“I… don’t want to see you suffering from unhappiness… like that.”
Sofia Sub-priest wiped her tears and stood up. I could only gaze at her in silence.
“…I’m sorry. I’ve rambled on about useless things.”
“……”
“Please take a good rest, Head Priest. I’ll see you tomorrow at the worship service.”
Sofia Sub-priest’s footsteps again headed toward the entrance. I could sense it.
If I let her leave now, I would have to hold onto this throbbing pain in my chest for a long time.
Thus, it was…
“Sofia Sub-priest.”
Perhaps, it was an act close to insanity. A futile hope for change.
“…I’ll… tell you everything that has happened until now.”
I took it upon myself to become the captain of the sinking ship.