Chapter 17
Chapter 17: Creak
A startled Ernst approached me, kneeling beside where I sat.
The hem of my dress had gotten a bit dirty.
I might get scolded for this.
“…Was it because I suddenly started running?”
“No, it’s just… I felt dizzy. Don’t worry about it. I’m usually fine.”
Ernst took the bag still in my hand and carried it. With one hand holding the bag, he used the other to help support me.
I wasn’t particularly fond of the gesture.
“…Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be?”
“I can at least walk you home.”
“I can manage on my own.”
Ernst didn’t respond, but he walked me to the front of my house anyway.
Unfortunately, we ran into Mother along the way.
“Oh my, Emily. And Ernst. You two seem to be getting along quite well.”
Ernst gave her a slight bow.
“What’s that you’re holding?”
“…Something I picked up outside,” I replied.
“Together?”
I gave Ernst a nudge to signal him to play along. He hesitated but managed an awkward smile and nodded.
“Your dress is quite dirty.”
“It’s my fault,” Ernst said immediately. “We were running around, and she fell because of me. I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie—I had fallen on my own—but I felt a twinge of guilt that Ernst might find it unpleasant to shoulder such an excuse.
We weren’t particularly close, but he was still my only friend.
A childhood companion, no less.
Of course, I wasn’t deluded enough to think that because our statuses were similar, Ernst and I were equals.
If a pauper and a wealthy man are friends, it’s only because the wealthy man chooses to befriend the pauper.
While exceptions might exist, I’ve never seen one with my own eyes.
Perhaps Mother found Ernst’s explanation satisfactory, as she smiled warmly and told us to have fun before walking off toward the neighboring house.
Seeing her in such a good mood, I felt relieved—at least I probably wouldn’t get hit today.
“…Thanks for playing along,” I said, exhaling a quiet sigh of relief.
After Ernst walked me to the gate, he glanced into the bag and asked cautiously, almost nervously, “Is this… all medicine?”
“Not all. There are some snacks in there too.”
“…….”
“Anyway, thanks for the help. Next time we meet, I’ll treat you to coffee. If I can afford it.”
“Sure.”
“You shouldn’t linger here. Hurry to your meeting.”
Ernst seemed annoyed at my dismissal and called out to me.
“Emily.”
“What?”
“If it’s really bad, you should say so and let someone stay with you. It seems even your mother doesn’t know.
I get it—every time I bring it up, you tell me not to worry, and that you’ve always managed fine. And yeah, I have nothing to argue against that, but…”
He scratched his head awkwardly before continuing.
“We’re friends, after all.
I don’t have many people to hang out with or joke around with either.”
His words seemed embarrassingly difficult for him to express.
Perhaps Ernst was the only person who genuinely cared about me.
Which was exactly why I needed to distance myself.
Mother would undoubtedly order me to exploit his goodwill, screaming at me to turn his kindness into romantic affection.
If I’d just told her I fell on my own, she would have slapped me, grabbed my collar, and yelled about how much the dress cost.
I didn’t want to lose anyone else around me.
“I’m really fine. It’s just that it’s been a while since I moved around like that. Normally, I just sit around—writing, drawing, and passing the time.”
I gave Ernst a gentle push to nudge him away.
“So don’t worry about me and just hurry to your meeting. What if you’re late?”
“…….”
Ernst looked dissatisfied but eventually started walking toward his meeting place.
After returning home, I shoved the medicine into a corner of my room.
There was too much of it, and it stood out.
Not that anyone here was particularly interested in my belongings.
I dusted off the dirtied dress, went to the bathroom, and washed up.
When I went to put on the fresh clothes I’d prepared, I realized…
I couldn’t find anything except my underwear.
In the end, I stepped into the hallway wearing just that.
Some of the maids glanced at me, but since they were all women, I didn’t mind much.
I hated the idea of becoming an object of someone else’s lust.
Even now, having become Emily, I still felt a subtle trace of the old me lingering.
Perhaps that’s why I didn’t crave Ernst’s love or affection the way Emily would have. I just wanted a simple friendship.
Maybe I was trying to hold on to some minimal part of myself.
Even as I endured, resisted Mother, and struggled desperately to survive, I always suppressed my emotions, keeping them in check.
“Oh my, Sister! I didn’t expect you to step out in just your underwear! I was about to bring your clothes over—just wait a second!”
Back in my room, Ellie was sitting on my bed, swinging her legs.
She had on outdoor shoes instead of slippers, and there was a bit of dirt on them.
“…Give me back my clothes.”
Ellie tossed me my clean white clothes.
“I mean, I don’t particularly want to see you naked, so here!”
“I’m not naked. I’m half-dressed.”
I took the clothes and slowly put them on, my shoulders and neck feeling a bit stiff as I did so.
Ellie wandered around my room, touching my clothes, my notebook, my pen, and even the bag of medicine.
“By the way, Sister, did you deliver that letter?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you must have heard what Ernst said, right?”
Ellie got up from my bed, leaving a visible imprint on the cover where she’d been sitting.
The sight of it felt a little revolting—I decided I’d avoid stretching my legs in that direction when I slept.
“So why haven’t you told me anything about it?”
“Because he didn’t say anything.”
“Don’t lie, Sister.
Ernst is way too kind to someone like you, always talking to you and treating you well. There’s no way he didn’t say anything.”
Ellie stood and poked my chest repeatedly with her finger in this cramped room.
“Ah, you didn’t deliver it because you were worried Ernst might get closer to me instead, right?”
I didn’t bother answering.
If she was so suspicious, she could have delivered it herself or checked the response. Why was she harassing me over it?
“Sister, as if Ernst would ever care about someone like you.
Mother would probably prefer him being with me anyway.”
“What are you even saying…?”
“I’m saying Ernst would never like you.
Obviously, he’d prefer me—the prettier one, younger, and with a better figure than you.”
Why am I listening to this nonsense?
“He already has someone he likes.”
“…What?”
“You saw it at the ball, didn’t you?
Aria—the pretty girl he was dancing with all night.”
“…….”
“Ellie, know your place.
If you’re going to say things like that, direct them elsewhere.
I’m already painfully aware of mine, but with your limited brain, it might be too much for you to grasp.”
“Are you mocking me right now?”
“Mocking? Not at all. It’s just the truth.”
I grabbed Ellie’s wrist as she kept poking my chest.
She looked startled, as if she couldn’t believe I was saying such things.
Of course, she was surprised—I always let her get away with it.
Because she’s my little sister.
Because she’s supposed to be my lovable little sister.
Maybe that’s what Emily believed.
But to me, she was just an insufferable brat.
“You’re just pretty enough, just beautiful enough, and just stupid enough not to make a man question his intelligence.
Smart women are a pain, after all. Husbands must always stand above their wives.”
Ah, had Mother’s words rubbed off on me?
“Ellie, you’re the perfect bride material.
We all know that—I know it, Mother knows it, and even your dull brain knows it.
But we also know you’re not exactly a captivating woman, are you?”
“…Are you saying this to me!?”
“Yes. Haven’t I been saying so this whole time?
You were spoiled, poorly educated, and—ugh—you’re still acting like a child.”
Ellie trembled with rage.
It was a rare sight, one I hadn’t seen since a boy she liked had rejected her.
Had I really become someone capable of affecting her this much?
Or was it more like feeling indignant after being bitten by a dog you didn’t even raise yourself?
Well, if Mother raised the dog, it’s still a family dog, isn’t it?
“Please, just stop.
I’m tired of being your emotional trash can.
Honestly, you don’t even feel like my sister anymore….”
And like a dog that doesn’t obey, Ellie finally snapped.
She hit me hard across the face, tears streaming down her cheeks.
My head rang slightly.
“Is this enough now?
Feel better now that you’ve hit me?
Or would you rather drag me to the punishment room like Mother and really go at it?”
My legs gave out, and I collapsed backward onto the bed.
The soft mattress was unexpectedly comfortable.
“When I first walked in, I was in a good mood, Ellie. But just looking at your face makes me feel sick.”
I grabbed the nearest object and threw it at her, where she stood frozen in anger and shock.
“So stop with the hysterics and get out of my room. Unless you plan to hang yourself here, in which case, go ahead.”
At last, Ellie left my room.
I held my throbbing head and swallowed one of the old man’s pills without water.
A little time passed, and the pain began to subside.
Maybe it was because the medicine was working.
Or maybe it was just because Ellie was finally gone.
For some reason, I felt a little better, even knowing she’d probably go crying to Mother.
I picked up my notebook and began writing about running with Ernst today.
With a smile on my face, I wrote slowly and carefully.
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