MHA : Spider-Man

"Quite the selfless way to look at it, Parker." The man commented, typing on his keyboard for a bit before eyeing him again. "Still, while caring about others is good, you should always know that your health and your mental wellbeing should be the number 1 priority in your mind."

Peter let out a small breath, unconsciously tapping his finger on his knee to a random rhythm he made up.

...

"Yeah, I guess that's just the way I was raised." Peter laughed a bit, the sound being a bit more sardonic than he wanted it to be. "My uh, my aunt and uncle were really big on the whole 'Caring about others' thing, guess I gotta thank them for that little quirk of mine."

Hound Dog hummed, typing a bit more before putting his hands on the desk and turning to him fully. "Ben and May Parker, yes? They sound like good people." He commented, probably trying to get him to open up a bit more.

Honestly, Peter kinda rathered the way Hound Dog was doing things right now, simply talking to him while slowly moving to what was always the most important thing in his life, whether he liked it or not.

Spider-Man.

Peter kinda thought the guy would say something like 'So your uncle died, huh?'

"May and Ben? They're the best- Ben was the best." Peter looked away, looking back up after a second. "Yeah, they're the best."

Peter feels weird when he talks about Ben sometimes, honestly.

It's just… Every time he tries to do it, old guilt and shame and anger bubble up, and it always feels too soon to talk about it.

Like he hasn't let it hang in the air for long enough or like it still wasn't the right time to bring him up in conversation with anyone without it making him feel like showing up to his grave and asking for signs that he forgave him.

Ben's been gone for over a year, and it still feels too soon.

He wondered when that'd change.

He wondered if he'd change whenever that'll happen.

Hound Dog nodded, switching topics smoothly but not too far from the previous conversation.

"Did you live with your aunt and uncle all your life, Parker? Sounds like you're incredibly close to them." He asked, idly rearranging some things around his desk while Peter ran a hand through his hair.

"I-I didn't really know my parents, like my actual mom and dad, they kinda handed me off to Ben and May when I was like, 6 or something? I don't really remember what they were like, or what they looked like, honestly. They died in a plane crash or something by the end of the week." A bit of bitterness bubbled up, Peter pushed it down. "Ben told me a lot about my dad, to fill the void or something. I think he was a government agent or a scientist or something? Ben wasn't sure, but he did always say he was a good man and that he had good morals."

Peter trailed off for a bit, wondering how long it had been since the last time he even talked about his parents. It was probably 2 or 3 years, honestly.

"It didn't make me feel less… angry? Abandoned? I don't know, but Ben didn't know why he left so he kinda just focused on painting the picture of a guy who wasn't there so I'd at least have the memory of a memory of him." Hound Dog nodded, Peter rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes. 

"Ben told me my dad had this… this thing he'd say, you know? About how past his frustrations with the world and the pressure of his work, my dad said that 'I get to watch Peter Parker grow up, so how bad can my day be? All this stuff doesn't matter, all that mattered was Peter. Him and his mom.' I guess it didn't matter enough for them to stick around."

He huffed, Hound Dog's eyes became a bit more understanding as he nodded.

"I… I like to think they had a good reason to disappear, you know? I don't know if that's denial or a coping thing or-or what, but the guy that Ben always talked about wouldn't just… leave. And Ben wasn't good at lying, so I think I would've known if he was just trying to soften the blow or whatever, but I like to think my mom and dad actually loved me in the end… It doesn't really affect me now, honestly, but I just… I just wish I-I had something to know they cared ."

"My… My father left when I was young, too, Parker. I still had people who cared for me like my mom and her family, but it didn't help me feel less left behind than I was. But from the way you said your uncle talked about him, I believe he would be proud of you."

A tightness appeared in Peter's chest, he found himself chastising himself for getting emotional over a therapist telling him his dad would like him.

Because Peter wasn't a child, he- He didn't need people telling him stuff like that.

"I don't think he'd like a lot of the choices I've made, honestly." Peter gave a small bitter and tired laugh, leaning his head back on the armchair. "Ben is- was basically my dad, him being my uncle won't change that, but I don't think even he would like how I turned out."

Hound Dog frowned, but not the type of condescending expression Peter expected. "Why would you think that, Parker? From your actions and from how you act, you seem like a young man people would be proud of. Don't tell him I said this, but Aizawa seems proud of how you're turning out."

Peter raised an eyebrow at that, filing that away for later thought or no thought at all, one of the 2.

"Uh… thanks, but I gotta say that before being a vigilante and all that stuff? I was… Kind of a dick. Back then, I was just… angry and bitter and stuff, you know? Like, those bad emotions that kinda settle on your shoulders and just… hold you down until it feels like you can't breathe ." Peter inwardly frowned at the weird explanation he gave, but looking at Hound Dog, Peter found only understanding in his face.

He… wasn't used to that.

"Do you think those feelings sprouted off from your feelings about your parents, Parker? Or were there different factors you think contributed to you feeling like that?"

"Did they have to do with my parents? Maybe, probably, I was pretty angry about it, but then so much more stuff came piling up on top of it and-and- I don't know. There was just… so much for me to want to lash out about it kinda became a pile of anger and bitterness that just followed me around."

"Would you mind telling what some of those things would be, Parker?" Hound Dog's voice was even, Peter found it oddly comforting.

And still, Peter backtracked.

"Are- I'm not sure what exactly this counseling session thing is supposed to, like… be? But I don't know if it should just be me whining."

Oddly enough, Hound Dog actually chuckled a bit at that, with Peter thinking the man was giving a reassuring smile behind the muzzle.

"Talking about your emotions and the things that make you feel them is not 'Whining', Peter. We are here to talk about you and to figure out how you can become an even better version of yourself. If you have something on your mind, you can say it." The man reassured, Peter found himself sighing and looking down.

"I guess… I was picked on sometimes, nothing bad but still to the point that it made me mad. Ben and May had a lot of financial problems because they weren't really prepared to take on a kid, so it made me angry that they had to go through that because of me and that I couldn't help. 

My parents just abandoned me, it doesn't matter what reason me and Ben came up with to explain it, and I was angry that I basically never got to meet them for reasons I'll never know…" Peter ranted, bouncing his leg unconsciously.

He paused, taking a breath because they were finally onto the main topic of the evening.

"Then even more stuff happened, and things just got so much more different and complicated and kinda worse…"

"And what would that be, Parker? Remember, you can say whatever's on your mind."

"And then I randomly got my quirk." Peter sent Hound Dog an exhausted look, his shoulders fell. "Then I was Spider-Man."

Before Hound Dog could even ask about whatever that meant, Peter kept going.

Because now that he was going, he couldn't exactly stop until he burned himself out a little bit more.

"I was Spider-Man, and I was different, right? I could stand up for myself now and lift trucks like nothing, I had all these crazy abilities and I could just… And this probably makes me sound like a-a horrible person or whatever? I was just- so angry from all the stuff from before and just way too glad I could hit people back." He runs a hand through his hair again. 

"So I was just the same guy, but this time I was able to do good things and just didn't because I was selfish and mad at too many things at once."

...

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