Mash-Up: I'm Not A Substitute

2:00 PM

When Takashi arrived at his usual fishing spot with his dog, Kuro, he found an old man already seated there, fishing.

"Catch anything?" Takashi asked as he walked over.

The old man wore an off-white bucket hat. He was thin but full of energy, his sharp eyes radiating wisdom despite the deep wrinkles that time had etched into his face.

"No fish, but I did reel in a corpse," the old man muttered, clearly displeased.

It was hard to tell if he was more upset about catching a body or about not catching any fish.

But knowing the old man as well as he did, Takashi figured it was probably the latter.

"Damn, you really can catch everything but fish," Takashi teased.

This wasn't the first time—the old man had fished up shoes, model kits, inflatable dolls, snakes, and now, a corpse.

"Get lost," the old man grumbled.

"As if you could actually catch a fish yourself."

Takashi snorted coolly. "I checked my horoscope this morning—it's my lucky day. I even made sure to wear my sea-blue earrings."

The old man immediately pulled out his phone to check his own horoscope.

"Unlucky?"

Bullshit!

Horoscopes were nonsense—no sane person believed in them.

Still, he quietly considered whether he should buy something in his lucky color for peace of mind.

Takashi sat down, set up his 5+3 fishing line with a size 10 Isezumi hook, made a few casts, adjusted the float, and started mixing bait in a bucket.

"Hey, Kitahara, my friend—just a friend, really—gave me a new fishing rod today. I don't know much about these things. Mind taking a look?" 

The old man, with nothing better to do, proudly showed off his new rod.

Takashi barely glanced at it before recognizing the silver-gray and blue-purple rod with tiger-stripe patterns.

A Daiwa Strike Future—said to be unbeatable for bighead and silver carp.

"The brand name is literally engraved on the rod. What are you even pretending for?" Takashi rolled his eyes.

He knew exactly what the old man was doing—he just wanted to make him jealous.

Tch, as if!

Takashi finished preparing his bait and was about to cast when the old man suddenly spoke up again.

"Getting ready to bait the spot? Here, I've got a bait boat!"

He launched into an enthusiastic pitch: "Large-capacity bait compartment, holds up to four pounds of bait, one-touch precision cruise, fully automated—"

Takashi, annoyed by the nonstop talking, cut him off. "How many fish have you caught so far?"

The old man fell silent.

At this rate, you're gonna end up friendless, Takashi thought.

The old man, who had been bragging happily, instantly deflated.

And that made Takashi very happy.

But his happiness didn't last long.

"What the hell? I'm actually fishing here!"

An hour later, Takashi stared at his completely motionless fishing rod, then at the fish right in front of him, lazily blowing bubbles just within arm's reach. He snapped.

"Can you at least show me some respect?!"

The fish, oblivious to his outburst, kept spitting bubbles like a dimwitted idiot.

Takashi was livid.

In the end, it was Kuro who finally lost patience. With a quick move, the dog snatched up the fish and tossed it in front of Takashi.

"Hah! Even a dog can catch a fish, and you can't?!"

The old man cackled, baring his teeth in laughter.

Takashi turned and snapped, "What are you laughing at? You didn't catch anything either!"

"Spent thousands on a fancy rod, and for what? Just another loser with expensive gear."

That hit the old man right in the gut. His face turned red, nostrils flaring like a bull's.

Defensive mode: activated.

How could he just say the truth like that?!

Everyone knows lies don't hurt—truth cuts like a knife.

Takashi, having vented his frustration, picked up the fish and gave it a couple of smacks.

As he slapped it, he yelled, "Spitting bubbles, huh? Try that again, I dare you!"

"Let me slap it too."

The old man, frustrated after a whole night of fishing without catching a single shrimp, had had enough.

"Here."

Takashi tossed him the fish.

The old man smacked it twice, and when the fish opened its mouth, he hooked up a thick wad of phlegm and spat it right in.

Then, with a final, vengeful glare, he hurled the fish back into the water.

Takashi and Kuro stared, utterly dumbfounded.

Did he just…

Spit in the fish's mouth and throw it back?!

What the hell was that?

A ritual offering?!

Is this even legal?!

"This sucks. I'm heading home."

Suddenly, Takashi had no interest in fishing anymore.

He packed up his gear, planning to take a nice bath and then go find Eriri.

"I'll give you a ride," the old man offered.

It wasn't like fishing alone was any fun anyway.

Definitely not because he couldn't catch anything.

"This reservoir has bad feng shui," he muttered as he packed up his gear.

"Otherwise, with our skill level, how could we not catch anything?"

Takashi nodded in agreement. "Exactly."

"What a garbage fishing spot. I'm not coming back."

"I found a new place recently—tons of fish there."

"For real?"

"Would I lie to you? When have I ever led you astray?"

Kuro, watching the two men shoulder their gear and shift the blame onto the fishing spot, could not look more unimpressed.

So when humans suck at something, they just blame the environment?

As they were leaving, they noticed a girl in a baseball cap also fishing nearby.

They instinctively glanced at her fishing rod—

A toy rod.

Both of them burst out laughing.

The old man shook his head. "No way she's catching anything with that."

Takashi chuckled. "She's probably just playing around. Look, she doesn't even have a bucket."

"I want to try the Strike Sakura next."

"My take? It's not as good as the Guangwei Dragon Cloud."

Before they could take a few more steps, a sudden splash erupted from the water.

Takashi and the old man turned their heads sharply, disbelief plastered all over their faces.

Kuro glanced at the girl, then at his owner, saying nothing but understanding everything.

When the girl, using nothing but a toy rod, actually pulled up not one but two fish, Takashi and the old man were speechless.

(〃ﾟAﾟ) (´ﾟдﾟ`)

They looked at their own expensive rods, then at her toy rod.

The silence was deafening.

No way. Why?!

"Yes!"

The girl raised her snow-white arms and did a small victory fist pump, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet in a cheerful rhythm.

She pulled a plastic bag from her pocket, stuffed the two fish inside, and prepared to carry them home for her brother to cook for their dad.

Then, as she turned her head—

Her gaze met Takashi's.

She froze.

And just stood there, staring at him, wide-eyed and motionless.

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Check out the other translations too: [Mash-Up: Anything For Money]

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