I Have Returned, but I Cannot Lay down My Gun

〈 Chapter 13 〉 12 ­ RTB

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Curiosity.

The desire to learn about new and strange things, or to understand unknown facts.

That very emotion which distinguishes humans from beasts and has made the greatest contributions to subjugating the myriad forms of nature beneath humanity’s footsteps.

Fire arose from a dried tree struck by lightning that fell from the sky, and humanity, 1.42 million years ago, was curious about it.

Thus began the age of fire.

When a weak and wounded wolf was abandoned by its pack and left to die alone in a forest where no one would come, there was a person who discovered it by chance.

Thus began the first domestication.

Almost all of the countless discoveries that are impossible to enumerate stemmed from such curiosity.

And even in modern society, where one can search for countless pieces of information from a seated position and even confirm things that no one could have imagined decades ago, the emotion of curiosity still resided in a corner of everyone’s heart.

So,

“…Wow, wow….”

“…Are you satisfied?”

“Oh, ah! I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself!”

…I should think of this person who excessively immersed themselves in the sensor attached to my tail as a result of unavoidable curiosity.

Anyway, this kind of gaze was quite familiar. In some ways, it was much better than staring at my chest.

If you stay in the same tent with people you operate with, you naturally have to get used to it.

With a pleasant sound, a voice announced that the process was completed.

“Were you uncomfortable at all?”

“It felt like having a sticker on each of my claws.”

“Haha, you explain things so well.”

They might not know, but the comparison to claws was a very well-established explanation.

It proudly boasts a brilliant record of convincing everyone who asked what it felt like to touch my tail in a single go.

Anyway, it had been quite a busy day.

When I first arrived at the building, the sun was floating directly above my head, but now it was preparing to sink below the horizon.

Since it was the height of summer, it was still a long way until the sun completely set and darkness came, but even an hour from now, returning would become a hassle.

Looking at it this way, it was quite a headache.

It was especially worse because it was Yeouido, packed with office workers during rush hour.

“Is something wrong?”

“I was just thinking about how to get home later.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a bit troublesome if it overlaps with the time when a lot of people are using the subway.”

Swoosh.

With those words, I lightly waved my tail in front of me, and Han Seol-ah, who was recording the attachment positions of the small sensors I retrieved, tilted her head in confusion.

Anyway, what I meant was,

“It’s a bit inconsiderate to get on a crowded subway during rush hour and inconvenience the people behind me.”

“Ah, I see. I understand now.”

Just the presence of the tail firmly attached to my pelvis could cause trouble when boarding a packed subway.

Fortunately, when I came here today, it was around noon when there were relatively fewer people using the subway, so there was no problem.

“…Do you live far from here?”

“Not very far, but not close enough to call it nearby either.”

If it’s about 15 kilometers from Yeouido, it’s not close.

Reviving old memories, I thought about running through the city at high speed and added,

“By the way, will the discussion about the connector take long?”

“…I can’t give you a definitive answer. It depends on your funds and time availability, so we have to talk it over.”

“I see.”

While agreeing, I was also thinking about how to run back afterwards in my mind.

The device on my wrist would pop up the route, so it didn’t really matter.

Would it take about an hour of running to get home?

While organizing my thoughts here and there,

“…Or, we can check if there’s any vehicle availability and arrange it for you.”

“I’d appreciate that, but is it okay?”

“Our job today includes not only data measurement but also support, so it’s within the regulations.”

“Oh.”

That’s how it was.

I didn’t know much about corporate operations since all I ever did was form a team of about five or six and roam around, training in hood boxes or kill houses and being evaluated by instructors.

…Why is the name ICARUS?

It felt strangely familiar.

I didn’t know anything about it right now, but based on past experiences… many questions would be answered over time.

However, as for the curiosity I had about this part… I wondered.

Although sinking into thoughts was taboo, intentional compartmentalization of stress and thoughts was still not my specialty.

“…Customer?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, you were lost in thought. We’re about to make a vehicle reservation. When would be convenient for you?”

Focusing on it, a hologram popped up from the lens above my head.

It showed 5:16 PM and 5:16 PM, with BMNT and EENT kindly indicated next to them.

After a brief moment of contemplation, I spoke.

“I don’t mind when I go. I don’t have anything else to do right now.”

“How about 6:30?”

“Sure.”

I nodded slightly and answered.

The conversation beyond the phone proceeded smoothly, so there seemed to be no big problems.

And then.

“Okay, it’s confirmed. We’ll accompany you to the designated location 5 minutes before, and after boarding, if you input the location into the navigation, the vehicle will autonomously drive you to your home.”

“The seat might be a bit uncomfortable, but you can adjust it to a bed form for a more comfortable ride.”

“Thank you.”

Once that was settled, they spoke to me again as if nothing had happened.

“Other than this, do you have any other concerns?”

“I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know if something comes up during the discussion.”

“Understood. If there’s anything we can help with, please let us know by 8 PM.”

“8 PM?”

“That’s our quitting time.”

Oh my.

Despite being a multinational company that proudly attached the word “International,” they were like this….

I was thinking that when the explanation continued.

“Of course, it’s not the official quitting time, but due to the nature of our department, we have a lot of work. We also live for paydays.”

“Sending press releases, monitoring articles, having meetings, creating content, managing official SNS, and monitoring at home… It’s even worse during eSports periods.”

“…You have a lot on your plate.”

“Exactly. And with the eSports qualifiers coming up, we’re already at our limit.”

Now that we had some familiarity, I even heard complaints.

Nodding with a bitter smile.

“…Somehow, we ended up talking about this. Now, the next thing… the meeting place is the café on the first floor. Is there anything you want to drink?”

“If I were to drink something….”

“Don’t worry. Employees get discounts, and it’s covered by the support funds, so it’s all included in business expenses.”

Business expenses.

…Wait a minute.

So, whatever I eat will be covered by business expenses?

With the feeling of a forcibly ignited sense that I had been trying to ignore, a void mixed with my exhalation spread through my esophagus, nasal cavity, and nose.

It was clear what this meant.

With a brief pause, Han Seol-ah looked back at my face, but my response was already decided.

I took a breath and added solemnly.

“By any chance.”

“Yes?”

“Can I use it for a meal?”

Why not?

I’m human too, let’s eat.

“I guess I’m not meant to diet in this life.”

Han Seol-ah grumbled as she twirled pasta into her mouth.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t empathize with that statement. If I ate like others, I’d lose weight rapidly because I had an extremely inefficient body.

Thankfully, it was easier to replenish calories in modern society.

There was no need to mention my special circumstances at this point, so I quietly stuffed pizza into my mouth.

“Is there any exercise that helps lose weight quickly? You have a great body line.”

“Combine dietary control with high-intensity interval training, rowing machine or burpee tests to burn fat….”

“…There’s really nothing easy in this world.”

But that didn’t mean that questions wouldn’t find their way to me. I could only give such fundamental answers.

From the start, I couldn’t offer much advice on diet since I burned twice as many calories as others just by breathing.

While she fell silent again, I was thinking of something else in my mind.

‘…The connector.’

The total price was quite substantial. It was roughly two to three times the price of a high-end computer.

Although the price varied depending on the model, it was a price difficult for adults to easily handle.

Of course, there was an alternative.

“…So most people rent the connector for a long time. It costs about 50,000 won per month, and you register in advance and go to a PC café to get into a box and play the game.”

“PC café?”

“The official name is the Private Control Room, but everyone calls it that. The box is a single-person capsule for privacy.”

A PC café.

I almost let out a deflated laugh at the familiar term.

“Except for eSports periods, a 1:3 time acceleration ratio is maintained, so playing the game for a long time shouldn’t greatly impact daily life.”

I nodded slightly, recalling the amount of available funds I had on hand.

It had been a double-digit number of days since my return, and time was always a solution to many problems.

Although it was still far from getting all the money that hadn’t been paid to me back,

­Total: $6,913.68

…It would

be burdensome to pay it all at once, but installment payments wouldn’t be a problem.

And based on personal preference, the machine had to be durable and offer the best possible performance.

So, even if it was the latest model, there was a chance it might not be the best.

While I was rechecking the device list they showed me,

“There are various payment methods, so please let us know after you check. Many streamers on our VR platform also use this method.”

“…I’ll think about it later.”

…It felt strange.

Even if I accepted that the world I came from had turned into a game, the reality of it still hit me hard.

Would my heart have felt lighter if I had settled everything before coming back?

I opened my mouth to forget the intrusive thoughts that kept popping up.

“I’ll go with this model. 12-month installment.”

“Oh, have you already decided?”

“I don’t like to think too long about things.”

Unless it was a battlefield where life and death hinged on every choice, if it didn’t matter much which one I chose, it was better to decide on a whim.

Seeing me decide so quickly seemed to surprise them more than me.

But as always, business continued.

After verifying the touchpad showing my pre-entered personal information, cross-checking, entering my account information, and linking the pad.

Naturally, I had no other option but to purchase.

“…Yes, confirmed. The device will be shipped to your home, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Also, it takes about three days for the physical engine to be applied in-game, so the shipping will start around then.”

“Is there any other method besides delivery?”

“If you don’t want to wait, you can come and pick it up yourself. Just let us know if that’s more convenient.”

“That sounds better.”

“Then we’ll note that down.”

That was the end of it.

Afterwards, there were questions and answers about the game.

I could learn about the game’s internal systems through actual play, so what caught my attention the most was something else.

“…Judging by the frequent mention of eSports, there must be a lot of tournaments.”

“Oh, you have an interest in that field.”

It wasn’t just out of simple curiosity; it was mixed with personal emotions related to my past… but what did it matter? The fact that I was interested remained the same.

Let’s hear about it.

“There are many tournaments, but the most famous is the Dark Zone World Championship League. As the name suggests, the main attraction is the competition between teams selected through local championships.”

“Competition is a major interest.”

“Exactly.”

By now, the meal was almost finished, but the conversation on this topic was just beginning.

“Countries familiar with firearms would have an advantage.”

“Yes. Since the game was released, the US has never come down from first place. Below that, Europe, Korea, Japan, and Russia are in constant competition.”

Of course.

The US is truly a gun paradise. Plus, no one can beat them in terms of infrastructure.

Reinforcing my perception, the explanation continued with a distant look in their eyes.

“It’s still difficult to catch up to the US in both individual and squad divisions.”

“There’s even talk that actual US military personnel are playing.”

“…Can current ninjas or grunts play too?”

“Pardon?”

“Oh, I misspoke.”

Damn slang. Talking with the operations officer or the commander all the time, such terms come out naturally.

I quickly corrected myself.

“Wouldn’t it be unfair if current SOF members or soldiers could also log in?”

“I don’t know what SOF is, but of course, there are restrictions. Servers are allocated separately, so unless they’re retired, they can’t match up with each other.”

“That part is managed well.”

“It wouldn’t be balanced if real-life physical skills intruded into the game.”

It was a reasonable plan.

But that didn’t end my curiosity, and instead, another question arose.

“Conversely, is there a case where accumulated experience in the game affects reality?”

“I can’t say there isn’t, but there are measures in place.”

“It could distort perception.”

“Exactly.”

They added while sipping coffee, which came out as a dessert.

“To prevent accidents and terrorism, hardcore play is restricted, and all variables in-game are reproduced differently from reality.”

“Thus, all interactions in-game are adjusted quite differently from reality. That’s why a good shooter in the game can’t become a sharpshooter in reality.”

“There’s a lot to it.”

“Due to Dark Zone’s global impact, it’s operated this way, even if it’s a bit complicated.”

…It’s getting longer than I expected.

I started to get confused about whether I came to play the game or attend a lecture. Fortunately, it was wrapping up.

“Every action involving firearms, movement, interaction, etc., is subject to the same restrictions. The customization freedom in Dark Zone is also to mislead senses.”

“Though this information is in the platform’s terms and conditions, most people skip over it.”

“Terms and conditions are usually like that.”

But skipping all terms could lead to trouble later.

Anyway, I organized the information in my mind.

First, current special forces members can’t match with regular players, only retired ones can.

Second, sensory variables are adjusted to prevent confusion from muscle memory, to avoid real-world chaos.

Are these two of the safety measures in this game?

Since this was my first time encountering such a system, I wasn’t sure if it was systematic, but it seemed not to be my concern as it operated without much noise.

Thus, the meal was finished.

It was insufficient to meet the necessary calories for the day, but it was enough to cover the minimum.

I decided to make up for the remaining calories at home, and we chatted about various topics until we reached the parking lot.

An empty vehicle. The back seat was converted into a bed for comfort, and the navigation screen was centrally mounted.

I wasn’t sure if I’d see it again, but I waved goodbye through the rising window to the blurry figures of the male and female PR team members.

It was farewell.

“Thank you for your hard work today.”

“No worries. Be careful on your way.”

“Great job!”

The car skillfully exited the parking lot without any vibration or noise, and the sun was already setting below the horizon.

The sun, which had been too bright to look at until just a moment ago, had now become a glowing red orb, surrendering the world to darkness.

While crossing Mapo Bridge and smoothly entering Gangbyeonbuk-ro, it wouldn’t take much time to reach home, but the road was filled with the lights of vehicles returning from work, trying to fill the void left by the sun.

Using those lights as mood lighting, I lay down on the bed-formed back seat.

It was soft and cozy.

It had been a very long day.

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