I can't move on

Not this fuckwad again.

"Hi, Mrs. Is there a problem?" Ryder asked innocently.

Yes.

There's a fucking problem with her.

I am going to punch this racist bitch in the face.

She looked over at Ryder and then at me.

I put my hand on his lower back.

I felt protective over him.

I didn't want him to hear all of the shit she was saying. 

"I am glad to see your son is doing better," she shrugged her shoulders. "Still not surprised your wife is still not here."

I sighed. "I recall telling you that he is my fiance."

"Oh, did you; I don't remember that," she said, scrunching up her nose.

I watched Ryder turn his head and look at me.

I shook my head and smiled at him.

I looked back at her and sighed.

She was looking for something to say.

Looking for something rude and nasty to say.

But nothing came out.

Good. 

I watched as his hand grabbed my arm and then he held my hand.

He leaned towards me, his smile big and his eyes soft.

I felt my shoulders drop and a smile grew on my face.

Oh, love.

"Well, I hope you have a speedy recovery and I hope it doesn't hurt your sugar daddy's pockets too much." My face dropped again as she tried to push past us.

"Oh, I will!" Ryder said loudly, making her turn back around. He flipped her off with his ring finger. "I will make sure to invite you to the wedding."

She turned back around and quickly started to walk off.

"Wedding?" I raised my eyebrow.

He let go of my hand and shoved me with what little strength he had. "In your dreams, loser."

He continued his slow walk back to our room and I followed behind him with a smile on my face.

Holy fuck.

I feel guilty.

Guilty for looking at him like this.

For thinking like this.

He's recovering, he's insecure, and he's nervous about his journey and everything that is changing is life and here I am.

Here I am fucking ogling him.

I closed my eyes.

I can still see him.

I can't get his image out of my head.

I opened back up my eyes.

I.

I have never felt this way.

I am so infatuated with his personality.

His caring, selfless personality.

All of his interests.

Everything about it.

His hobbies.

I even love his family.

Besides his dad, my point still stands.

Everything beyond the superficial.

But oh god.

His body.

It's making me go crazy.

I want to lie to him and be the perfect fake fiance.

Tell him he looks the same.

But he doesn't.

It's only been a week or two but the medicine is taking a toll on his body.

His sexy fucking body.

His legs and ass are all I can look at right now.

His shorts aren't making it any better.

They are vibrant and random and bring out his ass so well.

I gulped.

Holy fuck.

"Mijo!" A voice yelled and my eyes shot up.

His family was outside waiting for us to return from our walk around the hallway.

He hugged all of them.

Wait, who is this fuck?

"I'm Bryan." Oh, I said that out loud.

"I play baseball with Brandon, and I am also." He looked over at Eliza. "Eliza's boyfriend."

Ryder's mouth dropped open and he quickly turned around to aggressively hit me.

"Watch out for your arm and why are you hitting me?" I asked, grabbing his arm to stop him from hitting me.

He turned back to his sister. "Why didn't you tell me you guys were dating?"

She shrugged. "It slipped my mind."

"Bull shit," Ryder said aggressively; he looked really happy.

"One second he was this stupid boy at school, then the next he was the teenager-tanner version of my fiance and now you guys are dating!! Why didn't you tell me?" He said, moving with excitement.

I let out a laugh.

He's cute.

"The tanner version of me?"

I looked at the kid.

"I don't see it," I said.

"Neither do I. Bryan is way hotter," Eliza said.

"Yeah, right," Ryder said.

I smiled again.

"I think we look kind of similar," Bryan said.

He sounded like a respectful kid.

"Exactly," Ryder said.

I put my hand on his waist, trying to make sure he doesn't fall backward.

I shrugged. "Whatever you say, mommy."

No one reacted besides Bryan, who gave me a look of approval and then focused his attention back on Eliza.

Ryder continued to be loud and grilled them about not telling him.

"Brandon, you knew?"

Brandon nodded.

"You fake fuck, all of you, I don't-."

"I can hear your voice from down the hall," a voice said.

I watched as Ryder's smile dropped and he started to bite his lips.

Bitch.

"Why don't we go inside and wait for the nurse?" I suggested and his family and Bryan filled in one by one.

I pulled Ryder as the door shut.

We were standing outside and his back was on the wall and he was looking at me.

I held his arms in my hands.

"Look at me," I mumbled.

We made eye contact.

"Say the fucking words, and I will punch your dad in the face."

"You can't."

"And why not?" I asked.

"Well," Ryder's voice died off. "He's my dad."

"I don't like the way he's fucking talking to you," I said.

He sighed and gave me this sad look.

"It's fine, Dominic; you don't have to do anything," Ryder said, talking to me in a small voice and trying to get my hands off of his arms.

"Well, I do respect your choices and I always will; this is the one time I won't, baby. I don't like the way that he is talking to you. It's pissing me off. You… you are mine and he has no right to talk to you like that."

"You don't own me."

"Neither does he," I said.

"Well, he's my dad and you are." He looked at me and then looked back down. "You're just."

"I'm just what?"

Nothing.

I sighed and let him go.

"Fine, do whatever you want then," I said.

I stepped back and opened the door for him. 

He didn't look at me and just walked in.

I followed after him and watched as he slowly walked towards the bed and sat down.

I stood by the door with my arms crossed.

His family continued to grill him with different questions about how he has been and how he has been recovering.

"You guys seem happy." I looked over at my doppelganger, who was also awkwardly sitting there.

"We try to be," I say. "That's all you can really do," he said and I nodded.

He looked overt at me. "Eliza's like that to."

"Like what?"

"I heard you guys outside. They were all too busy arguing to hear you guys but she's like that too. Of course it's different because we are 15 and 16 and you guys are adults, but she's her dad apologist too."

"I don't understand it. I mean, I kind of understand because my dad's like that but somehow worse, but I don't take shit from him. I don't understand why Ryder won't do the same."

"I guess all people are different. You can't force your experiences onto some and expect them to just change. My parents are the nicest people ever and I love them, so I know the difference between niceness and their dad's "niceness," so I guess it's their normal, but you can't just change someone over night," Bryan said.

I nodded. "That is actually really deep."

"I know. We have been dating for about a week and because I am friends with her brother, I have been with their family since whenever we became friends and their dad has always been like this. He's just an angry man. He likes to explode and he can't take it out on his wife so he takes it out on his kids. And Ryder is the oldest and has dealt with it the longest so I guess its so normalized for him and Brandon won't take shit from him, so he targets Ryder and Eliza and now that Ryder's gone, so is his scapegoat, so he's losing his mind," Bryan mumbled to me.

Scapegoat.

Older sibling syndrome.

Me too.

We have so much in common, my love.

So much.

More than I would ever know.

"I have been getting better, dad," Ryder said. His voice was soft but loud enough to pull me away from my conversations with Bryan.

His dad was looking for stuff to yell about.

He raked his body looking for something, anything.

He got closer and grabbed Ryder's wrist.

"Whats this?" I couldn't see what he was pointing at but it was somewhere on Ryder.

"What's what?"

"This? Why do you have bruises right here in…" his dad started to rage, pointing at his inner elbow.

"Dad."

He was saying illegible things. 

"Dad!"

He stopped looking down at Ryder and then turned his attention to me.

"He put his hands on you?" He asked Ryder and now everyone's attention was on me.

"No, dad, he didn't. We just…" ryder stopped and tried to grab his dad.

His dad started to walk towards me.

"You put your hands on my son?"

"I." smack.

Mother fucker.

"Dad!" Ryder yelled.

I turned my head slowly back to him as he started to point at me.

"You never put your hands on my son; do you hear me?"

"I."

Smack.

I rubbed my face.

"Do you hear me?"

Ryder quickly stumbled to his feet and slowly walked towards me. 

I blink slowly.

No one was moving besides him.

Everyone looked afraid.

That hurts.

Hurts more than anything.

More than any of this mafia shit.

More than those slaps.

Seeing the fear in his family's eyes.

My mouth now tastes like metal.

And I felt my nose bleeding.

I didn't even know you can bleed for being smacked.

"Daddy, stop it," Ryder said and he held onto my arm.

One last smack and I watched as some of my blood went on the wall.

Fuck.

"Daddy!" Ryder yelled.

"He didn't put his hands on me; it's from, it's from the shots they are giving me," Ryder said.

I sighed.

He was lying.

Lying to protect me.

I grabbed him to hard.

I wasn't paying attention.

Just trying to keep him safe and in the process I harmed him.

His dad rolled his eyes.

"Apolgize," Ryder said.

"For what?"

"For smacking him for no reason."

His dad shook his head.

"It's fine," I said.

"It's not."

"It is," I said.

I deserved it.

Every single one.

I deserved it.

I watched as the nurse came in to descalate everything. 

She was talking but I was just looking at the bruises that I caused.

That showed up immediately because I was pressing down so hard.

Because I was so mad.

Next thing I knew, his family was leaving and so we were.

Or we are going to.

Ryder finally got the okay for us to go home and I could never be more happy.

I zoned out as they all left, leaving me and Ryder alone. 

"I'm sorry… for uh holding you too hard," I said, looking at the bruises my fingers had left.

Had left on his precious skin.

"It's fine."

"It's not and I am sorry," I said.

He pulled my arm gently and pushed me down so I sat in a chair.

"You're bleeding."

"I deserve it," I said, smiling at him.

He reached over and grabbed a few tissues and began to wipe my nose.

"Don't say that emo," he said.

"I do, though. I should have never put my hands on you," I said and I watched as he threw the tissues towards the trash can.

It didn't make it in.

I stood up and he pushed me back down.

He forced me to look at him.

Oh, look at that gorgeous face.

"Thank you for being worried about me, but I can handle it."

I shook my head slightly. "You can't, though. I'm worried for you and your family. I saw the way they were all looking at me. Frozen in fear. I know that if he came onto you, hitting you like he did me, you can't handle it. And that's makes me really fucking worried, baby."

He just sighed and let go of my chin.

He sat down on my lap, facing me.

"I know, but I know he wouldn't do anything to my mom and Eliza. Brandon can fight him off. It's just me," Ryder said and I rubbed his back.

He kissed the side of my face and I smiled.

"Thank you for being here," he mumbled.

"And I'm sorry for putting my hands on you," I said and he pecked my lips.

"No need to be sorry." I did the same.

"No need to thank me," I said.

He smiled and we continued with little kisses.

"You have nice lips," I said.

"And your lips are dry."

"Is that why you are kissing them?"

"Yes, so I can put some vaseline on them," Ryder said and he continued to kiss me.

I felt my hands slowly start to travel towards his ass.

I squeezed it as our pecks slowly turned into a make-out session.

Ryder pulled back.

"The nurse is going to come back," he said, giving me a flushed look.

I started to kiss and sucked on his neck. "Let her see."

"You are a freak," Ryder mumbled as he started to moan quietly in my ear.

I pulled back. "You are lucky you are so fucking sexy."

I continued to suck on his neck as he put his hands in my hair and started to pull.

"The nurse," he said, trying to push me off.

"Its okay," I mumbled into his neck, sliding my hands down his pants slowly.

I heard the door shut. "Is it okay?"

I reluctantly pulled my hands out of Ryder's pants and turned my attention to the nurse, who was now looking at us.

Ryder started to aggressively stamper.

"I didn't see anything."

Ryder's shoulders relaxed.

"Only somebody's hands where they should be," she said and I smiled.

Ryder lightly smacked me and started to scold me. "I told you."

She started to do her normal routine. "I was just quickly checking in with the doctor and he said yes for your departure but there's some rules."

"Listen, baby," I said, turning him around so his back was facing me but he was still on my lap.

"No, YOU listen," she said and Ryder started to laugh.

Oh! 

"Starting off with no sex until Ryder can walk on his own, I guess up and down the stairs and around is a good test, so once he can do that, then you guys are free to do… whatever you were doing. I thought this wouldn't be a problem because of the fake fiance and all that, but seeing what I just walked in, I see that I have to say that now."

"You told her?" I asked.

"She asked and thought you were trafficking me across the country."

"What?" I asked with my eyes wide.

"Hey, I was just making sure! The situation was suspicious!" the nurse said and she and Ryder started laughing.

What the hell?

"Okay, continuing with rules. Medicine. I know it's taking a toll on your body physically but trust me, it's making you better. It seems like…somebody doesn't have a problem with it." Shots fired apparently. "And I know Ryder change is hard, but it is good change and no matter what happens, as long as you are still you, that's all that matters."

That was actually very deep.

"Okay," he mumbled.

"Also still sponge baths until you are able to stand in the shower for long enough to take a shower and we will do some checkups. I don't know the frequency but I will ask your doctor and send it out. As of right now everything is good and Dominic, you can go pay the bill at the front desk; I can take you there."

"Uh, can you stay here with Ryder, and then I just go?"

"Yeah sure," she said and I smiled.

I lifted him off me slowly and sat him nicely on the bed.

"I'll be back, honey," I said, lightly smacking his ass before he fully sat down.

"No smacking his ass either."

I walked out of the door with my hands up as the two of them started laughing.

I started to walk down the hallway.

I can never be too sure.

I just need to make sure that he is safe.

People were looking at me as I walked.

Maybe its because I am 6'5, but still, I was wary.

I finally made my way to the front desk.

"Hello, uh, I am here to pay the bill for room 402, patient Ryder Callahan, because it takes too long to send it," I said and the lady nodded.

She handed me the bill. 

"Do you have insurance?" I nodded.

"Does the patient have insurance?"

"I don't know, but can I use mine? He is my fiance," I said and the lady looked at me and then back at the bill.

"She's judging you," a lady nummbled.

I turned and looked at her.

She was lingering about Ryder's room as well.

Weird.

I turned back to the front desk lady.

I mean, I was in just a t-shirt and sweatpants, but I can pay for it, I swear.

"I am going to need the patient to be with you as well."

She took the bill back.

Bruh, just let me pay for it.

"Okay, give me a second," I said and walked back to the room.

"Same thing happened with me and my partner when I tried to pay for them; they had me doing so much," the lady said as she followed me.

"Haha, that's nice," I mumbled, not giving her the time of day.

Who even was she?

I pushed open the door and their Ryder and the nurse were.

"Mommy, they need you there; do you have any form of ID on you?"

"I have my passport card."

"Cool, let's go," I said, turning around, and the lady was gone.

Weird.

I turned back around and helped Ryder to his feet.

"I'll stay here and help clean up."

"Thank you," I said and I picked up Ryder in a princess carry and made my way to the front desk.

"I know you need to practice walking but I don't want to delay anything right now," I said and he nodded.

We made it to the front desk and I put him down.

"Here, Ryder, my fiance, honey, give them your ID," I said and he nodded, pulling it out of the back of his phone and handing it to the lady.

"Here are my drivers licenses and insurance cards," I said and she nodded.

Checking them both.

"W1234567. Expires in 2028. Last name: Caurso. First name: Dominic. Wheres your middle name?" Not only is she airing my private information, she thinks my driver's license is wrong.

"I don't have one."

The lady raised her eyebrow. "Why are your addresses different?"

"Because we just moved in together," Ryder interjected and I started to rub his back.

"Sex: male. Hair: black. Eyes: brown eyes. Height: 6'5". Weight: 265 pouds. Okay, and are your guys parents us citizens?"

Bruh, what kind of question is that?

"Is that relevant?"

She nodded. "Trying to make sure everything is correct."

It doesn't even say that anywhere.

"Both my parents are permanent residences, but I and my 4 siblings are citizens."

"Do you have dual citizenship?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked. 

"Answer the question."

"Yes. In both Italy and Korea," I said.

She nodded.

She flipped her attention to Ryder. "Are your parents citizens?"

"My dad is, my mom is a permanent residence and no, I don't have dual citizenship," Ryder snapped and I laughed.

"Do you guys have any kids?"

"My daughter and she's 12."

"You had her together?"

"No, we are both men," I said. 

That's what she gets for airing our personal information.

"And last question and then I will give you the bill. How long have you guys been engaged?"

Mother fucker.

"We have been together for 3 years and engaged for 1," Ryder lied and I nodded.

"And you were 18, when you got together?"

"You said that was your last question," Ryder said with a smile and she rolled her eyes.

"Just answer it, kid; she's making sure you are safe." It was the lady from earlier who followed me to Ryder's room.

Shut up.

"He doesn't have to answer shit," I said with a smile. "Can we have the bill, please?" I asked.

She handed it to me reluctantly and then handed me our IDs back and my insurance.

"Holy fuck!" Ryder said and I started to laugh.

"Without insurance, it is $200,000 for your visit. Theres a breakdown on the paper."

ICU 6 days. 8,000 per day, so 48,000 for that.

Testing. 15k to 25k

Medications: 5k to 10k

Postcoma therapy. 5k to 10k, with a 2k monthly.

Medinice after 1k to 1.5k

Er transport. 3k to 5k.

Additional procedures. 10k to 30k.

Estimate cost for other 150-300.

And some more additional shit with whatever.

"With insurance out of pocket is 30,000, can you afford that?"

Ryder looked at the lady and then back at me.

"Can you afford that?" he asked me with these big eyes and I watched as his hand started to travel down my torso

"Yeah," I said.

I don't know what he is getting at right now. 

I gave her my card.

"That's a lot of money," Ryder said as he continued to feel me up in the hospital waiting room.

"It's all worth it if it means you are safe," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Here's your card back," she said.

"Who just has $30k in their account?"

"Me," I said.

"Rich people shit?"

"Mega rich people shit," I said and the two of us started laughing.

I felt myself stop laughing as he squeezed my clothed dick.

"What are you doing?" I mouthed and he just smiled at me and then looked back at the front desk lady. 

"Is there anything else ma'am?" Ryder asked.

The lady at the front desk was looking at the lady who was still standing there. 

"Nothing else; have a good day, sir," the lady said and I nodded.

We started walking back.

"Put your hand on my ass," Ryder mummbled as he slowly walked.

"Why?" I asked. "I mean, I am not complaining but why?"

"So that lady doesn't call someone on you," Ryder mumbled.

I laughed and I rested my hand on his ass.

"Is that why you were feeling me up?"

He nodded. "Don't think you are getting lucky tonight."

"I didn't; I am hard now though and you are going to have to explain that to the nurse," I said, holding the door open for him.

"Horny ass," Ryder said. "Always."

The room was perfectly clean and everything was packed up.

I smiled at our nurse.

"Thank you for everything," I said and she smiled.

"Just doing my job."

I pulled out my wallet. "I know you aren't allowed to accept tips, but please take this."

"Sir, it's fine."

"I genuinely insist, you have been so kind to us." I pulled all the cash out of my wallet. "I only have 500 with me, but i will have my men send you and the hospital staff some gifts."

I said and pushed the money toward her.

"You are too kind; thank you," she said and I nodded.

After a little while—by a little while, I mean 3 hours—we were finally home.

Finally.

It has been a really long time.

Ryder was grilling Leo about his cooking and I was just checking everything.

It feels like a really big step.

Leaving the safety of the hospital back into mafia life.

With a target on my fucking back.

Oh, and Matteo is in my home.

"Who let you in?" I mumbled, getting closer to him.

"Leo," he said, sitting up.

His nails were painted pink and he had on a black wife beater with some jeans.

"Isabella did them," Matteo said.

"I had to make sure he wasn't going anywhere," Isabella said and I hugged her.

"Hello, my sweet girl," I said, kissing her head.

And just like that, she left to go harass Ryder.

"Victor attacked, I think twice, when you were gone, so I have just been here and he's stopped," Matteo said.

"Thanks, I guess."

"And also, we had sex in your bed."

"YOU WHAT?"

I watched as everyone turned around to look at us.

"I am fucking joking clam down; Leo won't even have sex with me."

"Yeah, I wouldn't either, I said."

Yeah, no, this is weird as fuck.

"This is understandably weird because we have been enemies forever; I kind of have no reason to be your enemy anymore."

"So you were doing this all for Leo?"

"Yep," Matteo said, shrugging simply.

"Really?" he nodded. "Thats a sad ass way to go down as a villain. Oh you have dedicated all this time to someone and have been their enemy for so long and now you freeload in their house because you want to fuck their best friend and finally "have" him. That's just sad," I said.

"I can kill you right now, if that's what you wanted." Matteo said, pulling out a gun and pointing it at me.

"I'd rather you not," I said.

"Matteo, gun."

He put it down. "Sorry, princess," he said, turning around and then looking back at me.

Weird as fuck.

"Where are you sleeping?"

"On the couch."

"Like a guard dog."

"For my love, yes."

"Okay," I said, shaking my head, trying to make sense of this fucking shit. 

Now we were all sitting down at my dining table.

Like a big happy family.

A big, twisted, weird family.

A big, twisted, weird, mediocrely happy family with this fuck wad. 

Ryder was sitting next to me, Isabella was next to Leo, and the Matteo was somehow next to me and next to Leo.

Either way, I hated it.

"I am so happy you are home, Ryder; we have been dying with Leo's terrible cooking," Isabella said and I watched as a small smile grew on his face. 

"I am happy to be home as well, even though things are different," Ryder said, staring at Matteo.

He raised his hand. "Hey, consider me a guard dog!"

"Okay, dogs don't eat at the table," Ryder snapped at him.

I started to laugh.

I watched as Ryder's smile dropped and I looked over at him.

He looked uncomfortable. 

I patted his thighs and looked at him.

"Everything okay, baby? I asked and he nodded slightly.

"I just need to slow down; I was eating to fast."

I could tell that was a lie.

"Don't lie to me," I mumbled.

He looked at me through his glasses with an irritated look on his face.

"Don't look at me like that; I am just trying to help," I said in a softer tone of voice.

"Well, you aren't helping," he snapped.

I took my hand off his thigh and continued eating. "Fine, talk to me when you need to then."

The rest of the night was pretty much like that.

He kept snapping at me and I decided it would be best if I just shut up and left him alone.

He suggested that Leo give him a sponge bath tonight and here me and Matteo are sitting in bed together waiting for them.

Was I tweaking?

Very much so, but I respect Ryder's decisions and I know Leo doesn't see him like that.

"Did you set this up to spite me?" Matteo asked and I turned over to him. "Why on earth would I do that? Especially with Ryder."

Matteo shurgged.

We sat in silence for longer. 

"He's on a lot of medicine so he's overwhelmed as fuck, so I am just going to step back because I think that's better than stressing him out even more," I said.

"That's actually really mature."

"Is it? Because it feels like I am running away from my problems," I said, letting out a small laugh.

"Running away for your problems is staging a whole enemy thing just so you could get glimpses of them because you were scared that they hated you."

Oh.

"I guess that's a dramatic case, but I think you are doing the right thing," Matteo said.

At least someone does.

After a while, Ryder came out in a towel and I gave him a small smile. 

He looked at me and then at Matteo. "I have clothes for you. You can either wear yours or mine, whatever you are feeling."

He nodded.

"Lets go, Matteo," Leo said, walking out without a shirt on.

Matteo got up and followed him like he was a dog.

Is this how I look with Ryder?

Ryder grabbed my shirt and I watched him drop the towel.

He looks great, holy fuck.

He put my shirt on and then some boxers.

We decided that the stairs are a thing for another day and because of that, we are in the guest bedroom.

He stumbled over to the bed and got under the covers.

"You going to bed already, baby boy?" new nickname out of nowhere.

I started to rub his hair lightly as he gave me this weird look.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know; I like it when you do it to me so I thought I would do it to you," i said and he nodded, turning over so he was now cuddled into my side.

I rubbed him slowly. 

"I like when you call me baby boy."

"Okay, I will keep the nickname then," I mumbled. 

"Good," he said sheepishly.

I continued to stroke his hair, waiting for him to tell me to go turn off the lights.

But it never came; we just continued to sit in silence.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" I asked him.

"Snapping at you."

"It's fine; you have every right to snap and be irritated; you are healing," I said.

He grumbled something. 

"I'm just…I'm just really overwhelmed right now and I'm not really," he stopped and I watched the tears start to fall down his cheeks.

"Hey baby, it's okay to cry and be overwhelmed."

"I know it's just. I am just physically exhausted and tired. And also emotionally. I just feel really self-conscious and bloated and I don't know, just in pain," he said in between tears.

It hurts to see him this way.

It hurts that there is nothing more that I can really do but be there for him.

"I feel stiff and sore and I am dreading everything right now. Dreading eating, dreading physical therapy more and more."

"But it will help."

"I know, but it hurts a lot. That's all I can think about—how much it is going to hurt. And, and I also don't feel safe." He was outright bawling now. "I don't feel safe and I feel scared. I am becoming unrecognizable to even myself. I am irritable but also really clingy and I just want to be with you all the time but I know I can't. I know your world doesn't revolve around me but I am scared that if you are going to leave me that Matteo's men will come and get me."

He looked up at the ceiling.

"That he is going to come and get me."

Oh, my baby. 

"Victor?" He nodded slowly.

"I can promise you that Matteo's men will not harm you anymore," I said. "I can't promise anything with Victor, but I can promise you that he has to get through the top mafia boss in the country first and whatever Matteo is, because I am not letting you out of my sight."

He smiled and then it dropped.

"What's wrong?" I asked and the tears continued again.

"Why am I having crazy mood swings? I don't know. I." He started to break down again. "I feel like a burden, a fucking burden, because I am losing my independence and it is genuinely crushing me so fucking much right now. I don't know what to do," he said and his breathing picked up as his chest heaved.

"I feel damaged. Like a worthless fucking slut, a worthless piece of shit," he said in between snifs. "I just, I know you said it doesn't bother you but I know it does. It has to; you have to notice it. Notice me and just."

"Shh, baby boy, it's okay; you are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I know no matter what I say, you will still have this image but just listen to me. I don't care what happened in the past; it's over now and you are mine, okay?" I whispered in his ear.

"Say okay."

"Okay," he mumbled.

"Good. I am here to support you every step of the way and I am not going to force you to do stuff that you do not want to do. I want you to heal as fast as possible but if it is hurting, we can always do it another day; I just want what is best for you."

I kissed his head and started to rub his back.

"Do you want sweet Dom or real Dom?" I asked him.

"Real," he mumbled.

"You are gaining weight; who gives a shit? I told you this at first and I will tell you again. I'm noticing it and I am going to notice it. I saw it now when you were naked. Your stomach, your legs, your ass, everything. And you only care because I care. If you weren't with me 24/7, would you care?"

"I mean yes."

"Tell me the truth, would you care if you gained a couple of pounds, maybe even 100? Would you care?"

He shook his head. "No."

"So you care because I care, right?"

"Yes."

"And I don't care. I don't care how much weight you gain as long as you are healthy; do you hear me?" I asked.

He stared at the door.

I grabbed his jaw lightly and forced him to look at me. "Do you hear me?" I asked again.

He nodded. "Yes, yes, I do."

"Good. And who gives a fuck if you had sex with other guys? I don't. All I know is that I want you. Real, fake, whatever, I want you. I want all of you. The knitter, the chain smoker, the snappy fuck, the nice one, the one who gets nervous when we have sex, the kind one, the selfless one, the everything, the every single thing. You and this body—this body that has me in a constant state of horniness. I want it all," i said and I kissed his face and let go of his jaw.

He looked flushed and smiled at me.

"Even though I am always horny, I love you more than your body; I hope you know that," I said.

"I know."

"Good," I blinked slowly at him. "Now, if this was another circumstance, I would," he kissed me.

He smiled at me and kissed me again.

He pushed the cover off of us bother and he sat down on my lap.

"Baby," I said and he kissed me.

"Yes?" he teased and he kissed me again.

"I would fuck you if this was under any other circumstances, but the nurse said no," I explained and he kissed me again.

I watched as he started to grind on me.

"But it will make me feel better," he whined.

Talk about mood swings.

And I'm already hard.

I closed my eyes.

"Honey, please," I said and I put my hands on his waist to stop him from grinding.

He took off his shirt.

Which I guess was technically mine.

"Don't you want me," he mumbled.

"I do, honey, but I don't want to hurt you," I said and he hugged my head and brought me closer to him.

He felt very warm and very nice.

He was luring me in right now.

I looked up at him and he looked down at me.

"Suck," he said.

I started to kiss his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Baby."

He shushed me as he let out little moans in my ear.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I pushed him back and looked at him.

"You and your nipples are perfect, but the nurse said no," i said and he gave me this sad look.

He's making things very hard right now.

He took the pillows from behind me, so I was sitting up without support now.

I watched as his eyes started to prick and the tears started to come down.

I sighed. "Honey."

"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" he mummbled.

I hugged him and kissed him. "You aren't."

Mother fucker. He pushed me down so I was fully on my back.

He got closer to my head and he trapped my arms with his legs.

I started laughing.

"You bitch."

"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" He mocked me as he started to rub me out with one hand and hand the other hand on my chest. 

I just got played.

"Honey, I am going to ask you one more time; please listen to the nurse and get off," I said and I felt his hand slip under my pants as his pace sped up.

He put his other hand torwards his mouth and started to suck on his fingers.

"Don't you want a blowjob?" He said it with his fingers in his mouth.

Holy fuck.

God, he is a dream.

I took a deep breath.

"Well, I do; I want you to feel better first, last time, honey, please," I said.

Fine.

I grabbed him off of me, being mindful of his arm and I slammed him down next to me.

I put the cover back on us and I fixed my boxers and ignored my hard on.

"Now sleep," I said, pointing at him, and he pouted.

"Fucking brat, holy shit," I said, looking up at the ceiling.

"You love it."

"I sadly do and now I have to be in denial about my hard on until I get to sleep," i said and he cuddled up to me.

"I can help you," he said in a singsong voice.

"No, you sleep, and so will too," I said and rubbed his back.

"Fine."

Holy fuck.

Talk about person I don't recognize.

I felt myself panting slowly.

Holy fuck.

He is hot as fuck.