I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

29 – The Dullard Who Wanted To Be A Genius

The lich, Leozaak Balhard, reflected on his life amidst the pouring light.

It was a dying man’s flashback, arriving amidst the agony of his body dissolving and his existence fading from the world.

‘This is why I hate geniuses. The difference is just too vast, isn’t it.’

He had hated geniuses since he was young.

Leozaak had an older brother, a year his senior, with whom his parents constantly compared him.

He couldn’t help but develop a deep-seated inferiority complex, seeing his brother, who always moved forward, unlike himself, who lagged behind in everything.

Unlike his brother, whose talent always shone brilliantly, he had always lived in his shadow, chasing after him.

At first, aware of the difference, he had tried endlessly. He believed that innate talent could be overcome by hard work.

But,

‘What have I been doing all this time….’

The world is unfair, and for the most part, things don’t work out that way. When a dullard works hard, a genius isn’t just standing still.

‘…I just wanted to be a great mage like my brother.’

It was a belated regret.

Leozak saw Astal and his own brother overlap. If he had possessed talent, would he have been able to live without envying others?

No, that probably wouldn’t have been possible.

A meager talent was more like a curse, making people live buried in misguided hope.

Leozak’s brother had an innate talent for earth magic. He had so much talent that he could turn even a stray pebble on the street into gold dust.

Seeing his brother, he thought he, too, would have such talent. Bloodline played a big role in magic, and there were even prestigious families famous for their inherited magic.

But sadly, Leozak’s talent for magic was as small as an ant’s nail.

How much time had passed?

– I will also follow my brother to the Golden Magic Tower. Mother, Father.

He knew in his head that no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn’t work, but perhaps he was just being stubbornly unreasonable.

Maybe he just kept thinking that some great talent was hidden within him.

So Leozak followed his brother to the foot of the Golden Magic Tower, making endless efforts to become a great magician just like him.

– Leozak, I’m sorry to say, but this is another failing grade. With this level, you cannot keep up with the teachings of our magic tower.

All that came back were disappointing words that betrayed his expectations. The opposite reaction to his brother, who was even being considered for the next Golden Tower Master.

– Master, please, I beg you, let me become a magician.

Leozak knelt and begged with more desperation than anyone. He had given up so much to choose this path.

There were times when he risked his life collecting and selling monster materials, sweating blood to earn the registration fees, and the knowledge he had already studied and learned to become a magician was too precious to waste.

– I will give you more money. I’m sick and tired of being treated like a lesser human than my brother.

Since the Golden Magic Tower was the only place where people’s worth was judged by gold coins, he could replace his worth with money.

– Hmmm…. Then I’ll hold off a little longer. But this is only a temporary measure. If the Golden Tower Master finds out, he will surely throw you out of the tower.

Leozak handed a few silver coins to the magician he served as his master, and barely managed to survive in the tower without being expelled.

His parents’ expectations that he would be a genius like his brother.

The effort and experience he had built up until now.

And finally, the encouragement from his talented brother.

Leozak was a desperate man who couldn’t afford to fail.

If he was kicked out of here and couldn’t become a magician, he would have nothing left. His time, effort, and money would have all been wasted.

But even in that precarious tightrope walk, an anomaly had emerged.

– Leozak Balhard. Did you really think you could deceive my eyes? You’re very bold. Daring to bribe the magicians of the Golden Tower.

It was because the Golden Tower Master had noticed Leozak’s sluggishness.

– B-but… according to the rules of the Golden Magic Tower, one’s worth can be replaced with gold coins….

– It wasn’t about magic, but about increasing personal worth. Not about simply throwing money to deceive someone.

Leozark thought it meant crushing dissent with wealth, but the reality was quite the opposite.

– If I’m good at magic, that solves everything, right?

Leozark bit down hard on his molars, a first taste of venom forming.

It was infuriating that the world didn’t recognize his efforts, and that he had to accept that fact.

He began studying forbidden magic.

The kind that the mages of the Magic Tower called “Contravening Heaven,” a category that should never be researched.

Magic that reversed time,

magic that resurrected the dead,

magic that altered the very fabric of the world.

To get closer to these kinds of magic, one ultimately had to make deals with demons, becoming a black mage by mortgaging one’s soul.

This was different from the black mages the Black Tower stood for. It was merely a name for those who used only their life force as collateral, and were pure souls who swore allegiance to mana.

– I will become a mage so powerful that no one will ever mock me again.

Leozark, desperate to prove himself quickly, had no choice but to rely on shortcuts and luck.

He knew that achievements not attained through proper methods were all the more painful when they crumbled, but there was no other way.

– Leozark, your progress is growing by leaps and bounds lately. At this rate, you might actually challenge your brother’s fame.

– Amazing, forgive me for not recognizing you before!

At first, the daily increase in his magical power, and each word of praise from those around him, brought immense joy.

Even though he was now a black mage who stole the life force of others, amassing achievements with forbidden knowledge and methods.

But,

– Balhard. You’ve failed to surpass your brother again! What on earth are you doing that your mana is so impure and murky?

– Leozark. You’re not going around killing people, are you? There are rumors lately that children are disappearing from the orphanage.

Even after using all those means, giving his all, he still couldn’t defeat his genius brother. He still couldn’t escape his shadow.

He had failed, even after grinding up the abandoned children of the orphanage into fragments of life force, using them in his desperate attempt to become a mage stronger than anyone.

– Isn’t it rather suspicious that someone without magical talent would suddenly become so strong? It’s alright if I investigate you, isn’t it?

His brother, Leozark’s brother, who was the frontrunner to become the next Head of the Gold Tower, suspected he was up to no good.

– It wasn’t me! You must be mistaking me for someone else!

– I am the one being discussed as the next Head of the Gold Tower. Even if you’re my brother, I cannot overlook such evil deeds.

– I said it wasn’t me…!

Eventually, he ended up killing his brother, who was closing in on the investigation. It looked like an accident, the result of a misfired mana blast from his old staff.

– *Kuh-huck….!*

– Bro, bro…!! Wake up!

The truth was, it was the work of a demon to whom Leozaek had given his soul. Back then, he didn’t know about such a shadowy plot and had fallen into despair.

His brother, who had been called a peerless genius, had died so futilely, a hole blasted through his chest with a single spell.

– Even a brother called a genius… couldn’t overcome black magic, I guess.

Was it from that moment?

Leozaek, feeling a chilling thrill, became curious as to what existed at the end of the magic he pursued.

And so, he poisoned the previous pope, entered the forbidden library to further explore taboo knowledge about magic.

He thought that the combination of holy and black magic that he achieved even going so far as to transform himself into a lich was the pinnacle of magic.

‘Was I wrong…?’

The combined magic that Astal and Victoria had just shown was more aligned with his ideal.

That’s why he hated geniuses. Because no matter how hard he tried, they were the beings that rendered his efforts useless.

Leozaek exhaled his last breath. He was already a skeletal frame; he had no lungs or heart, yet the sensation of life ending washed over his body.

“…Tell me your name one last time. Genius mage.”

All that Leozaek had wanted in life, Astal possessed, so, at least, he wanted to hear his name.

“Astal Kaisaros.”

“A family name famous for magic. Then from childhood you had the affluent support of your family…”

“…No, my mother ran away with my father, who was a butler, so I lived a poor life in the countryside.”

Astal said, candidly. He clearly had talent and skills comparable to a genius, but he absolutely hated being called that.

“…It seems like you’re talking about your parents for the first time.”

Victoria, standing next to Astal, spoke as if surprised. He was a person who never talked about his past.

“It’s not a particularly pleasant story.”

Astal, watching Leozaek vanish, lit a cigarette made from magic leaves. They had lived completely opposite lives, but ultimately reached a similar end of magic.

“If you are born a human in your next life, don’t rely on luck like that, try until you die. Then you might meet someone who will acknowledge you one day.”

The difference was that Leozaek had chosen to be alone.

“…Are you perhaps talking about someone like me?”

“Maybe I am.”

Astal had chosen a life of companionship.

“This Victoria is very glad to see her gruff boyfriend be a little honest for once.”

Victoria, fiddling with Astal’s hand that she was holding, felt his warmth and smiled.

“…That’s always been your problem.”

Watching her, Astal bit his lip slightly, a shift in her attitude hammering at his heart.

* * *

Seeing Leozaak turn to ash and disappear, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t so different after all.

If I hadn’t had my master or colleagues, I could have easily strayed down the path of dark magic, just like him.

“One last thing… I shall share something good with you, Astal Kaisaros.”

Just before he delivered his final blow, my fist stopped right in front of his nose.

“The side effects of the Saintess’s miracle… they have no fundamental solution.”

Leozaak spoke, gesturing with his one remaining arm towards the depths of the forbidden library. I froze at his words.

“So… there really is no way to save Victoria…”

“Listen to the end, the side effects of the Saintess’s miracle are a result of the gods adhering to the laws of causality.”

Leozaak emphasized words like “laws” and “fundamental”, as if giving me one last clue.

“A clever man like you will surely figure out the way.”

“…Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

I couldn’t shake the suspicion, seeing this attitude from the lich. Weren’t we just trying to kill each other moments ago?

I couldn’t believe everything that he had said.

“You are the only person to have shown me even a glimpse of the true end of magic, something I could only imagine.”

His voice was calm, as if he were seeing someone dear to him, and there was even a sense of peace on Leozaak’s face.

“…What end is that?”

“It wouldn’t be any fun just telling you straight, would it? Just like the gods have things they hide, we humans should also have some things that we keep secret until the end, shouldn’t we?”

Leozaak’s jaw clicked as he chuckled. Now, most of him was gone, with only a faint trace of his form remaining.

“I hope that we do not meet again in our next lives under unfortunate circumstances.”

Victoria knelt even to Leozaak, closed her eyes, and offered a respectful prayer.

“How pleasant. To receive blessings from both a Saintess and a mage.”

* * *

*CRUMBLE*

Immediately after, his ashes scattered in the wind, not even leaving a trace of the lich, the mage Leozaak, had vanished from the world.

* * *

How much time had passed since the matter was settled?

“Master Astal, I’ve been thinking this for a while, isn’t your smoking and heavy drinking caused by stress…?”

Victoria was quietly watching me smoke a magic leaf cigarette. Normally, I could have turned the leaves into flowers by now, but…

Something was off, different from usual. Her gaze was dripping honey, and she was writhing like she had something to say.

“……?”

“W-well, it’s just that, if you find a healthy way to relieve stress, you might stay away from cigarettes and alcohol, that’s what I’m saying.”

-I mean, I saw it in some questionable books, but it’s common sense too!

Victoria’s voice rose, maybe out of embarrassment. Her ears were as red as strawberries.

“How about, whenever you feel stressed, you… fondle my chest, your lover’s chest? I’m quite confident in my size and softness, you know…”

-I-if I do this, I can make it a done deal, right…? I’ve never allowed anyone else’s touch… but if it’s Astal…

Victoria was stammering, barely getting the words out.

Even though she knew Wilhelm was listening from the side, she was saying something no Saintess would ever say. Something huge.

“I think it would be best if I excused myself! Brother, I’ll wait for you upstairs!”

“…I’m not like that!! I don’t touch it!!”

As I watched Wilhelm salute me and prepare to head straight upstairs, I wanted to bite my tongue and die.

It wasn’t a healthy method to begin with, it was an unhealthy one.