I Became the Priest of Blasphemy of the Outer Gods

Chapter 63: Going Forward (2)

“Are you unsatisfied?”

Sevika spoke with a gentle smile.

“You were skilled enough to achieve remarkable feats even at 1st rank, but… you still must have felt an unbridgeable gap.”

I had won against Albeka and the Stigmas, but that was due to meticulous preparation and the effective use of the Chalice of the Crimson Ceremony. Most battles did not afford such opportunities. If Charlotte had ambushed me, I would have been easily defeated.

“Level 1 is something any priest chosen by the divine naturally ascends to. Therefore, it might have been difficult to feel any significant change.”

I nodded quietly.

“It usually takes a significant amount of time to ascend to 2nd rank, but I can immediately elevate you to 2nd rank.”

It was a sweet temptation. Besides…

“To utilize the ‘Scripture of the Eternal Flame’, wouldn’t being at the 2nd rank ensure safety?”

It was one of the essential steps for my plan. In truth, even the 2nd rank posed a dangerous challenge. Since there was no chance with the 1st rank, I intended to raise my rank by any means necessary.

“You know everything, don’t you?”

“Of course. I know it all.”

Sevika stepped aside as if words were no longer needed, and I approached the door behind her. As soon as I got close, the door, which had a mirror hanging on it, split into several facets and transformed into a three-dimensional multi-faced mirror.

“Well then, have a safe journey.”

I opened the door and entered. Just as in most dreams, I lost consciousness without realizing it.

* * *

*Crackle.*

An irritating noise.

A sizzling sound tickled my ears, reminiscent of backmasking. The moment I became aware, everything was rewinding.

*Crackle!*

Blood splattered, dripping from my cheek. Tentacles rose back into the sky.

‘This is…’

Charlotte, expressing her joy with a formal greeting. And everyone dying amidst the storm she conjured. Memories of that day were playing backward.

‘What is the purpose of showing these unpleasant images?’

Sevika had said this was a trial. If I overcame the trial in the mirror room, I would be granted the opportunity for awakening. Therefore, this wasn’t a mere replay of memories; it had to hold some meaning.

‘But… it’s too unpleasant to focus.’

Destroyed corpses. Only the fluttering hair hinted at its owner, but I didn’t need to guess. The crushed bodies were restored as time turned back anyway. However, the slow engraving of the process in my brain, clearly seeing how each child died, was unbearably unpleasant. Ultimately, I decided to focus on other aspects. Charlotte, offering her detestable greeting in the rewinding memory.

‘She has something concealed.’

Back then, I hadn’t noticed, but now I could see her subtly tucking something into her bosom. Perhaps a means to recharge her mana or a substitute for mana consumption.

* * *

*Tick.*

A large pendulum swung to the right…

* * *

‘The scene has changed.’

This time, it was a memory from when I fought against Albeka. Specifically…

‘The moment I saw the heads of the orphanage director and the child.’

Once again, time was slowly rewinding. Forcing me to recall a horrendous scene I didn’t want to remember, leaving me with a nauseating feeling.

‘Traces of torture, the damaged head…’

Even now, I could feel the grotesque pain etched on that head.

‘The eyelids were cut off, and one side of the face was caved in. That bastard…’

Boiling disgust. But I still couldn’t understand why such things were being shown. What exactly was this trial?

* * *

*Tick.*

A large pendulum swung to the left…

* * *

“…… Ah.”

A sigh escaped me unknowingly. I expected the turn of grotesque illusions shown by those residues, but… it wasn’t. Before me lay Dowol’s corpse.

‘What on earth happened to you, Dowol?’

Facing his horrific form head-on, I clenched my fist tightly. The outline was becoming clearer now.

Not merely horrific memories, but ones tied to the death of another.

Time was still reversing.

‘…… No.’

I didn’t want to see that again.

* * *

*Tick-tock.*

A large clock pendulum….

* * *

The sharp smell of disinfectant hit my nose.

Uncomfortable, rustling sheets.

This place….

“…… A hospital room?”

When I tried to rise, a tearing pain shot through my abdomen.

“Son, you’re awake?”

What stopped my thoughts was not the pain, but that voice.

“…… Mother.”

Yes, I remembered when this was.

For some reason, this memory wasn’t reversing.

Perhaps, until now, everything had been a dream, and I had just finally awakened?

‘…… Of course.’

I looked at the dice tattoo on the back of my hand and let out a bitter laugh.

“It’s not long after the surgery. You should still be lying down.”

“…….”

A cherished… oh, such a cherished voice.

And yet, I didn’t want to hear it.

“I’m so relieved. According to the doctor, the transplant surgery went very well.”

“That’s good to hear.”

I spoke as if exhaling a sigh.

These vividly repetitive memories.

The smells, the textures, even the dizziness from the painkillers were all the same.

‘…… Tsk.’

My eyes caught sight of the ring on Mother’s left ring finger.

She liked to think it was a diamond… but it was cubic zirconia.

“Son, why that expression? Isn’t this good news?”

“…… Yes, I suppose it is.”

“It’s not easy to find a matching donor like this, so it’s truly a blessing. The surgery went so well too.”

Mother shed tears.

A kidney transplant.

I remembered who matched with me.

“Pastor Baek still needs more rest, they say.”

“…… I see.”

Even after remarrying, you still call him Pastor Baek.

Then again, that remarriage wasn’t truly legitimate.

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit… tired.”

“Alright, let’s just offer a prayer of thanks together.”

A prayer of thanks, how zealous.

“Our Father in heaven…….”

“…….”

I didn’t join in the prayer.

“Thank you for ensuring my son’s kidney was safely given to Pastor Baek.”

Why should I pray for something like this?

“Thank you, thank you. Thank you for allowing the Lord’s servant to stay with us longer, and for granting my son this noble role.”

“…… Ha.”

Unable to hold back, I sighed.

“It wasn’t like this.”

Whether this was a real trial or just meant to torment me, I wasn’t sure.

What was clear was that, unlike before, there were discrepancies from my actual memories.

“It wasn’t like this in reality.”

Mother’s form began to blur.

She never came to me, speaking about how grateful she was that my organ was transferred safely to Pastor Baek.

“You never came.”

She was too busy praying in that Pastor Baek’s hospital room.

The moment I recognized that fact, even her blurred form disappeared entirely.

Yes, this lonely and quiet hospital room was the original memory.

“Argh…….”

I lifted myself up.

Just the act of rising caused the surgical area to tear apart.

Originally, it hadn’t been sutured so weakly… but who knows.

Back then, I had just lain there as if dead.

“…… It hurts like hell.”

I opened the door to the hospital room and stepped out.

* * *

*Tick.*

A large…….

* * *

A new scenery came into view.

“Jungsoo, are you upset?”

I raised my head at the voice that seemed to read my mind, and there was my mother, looking slightly younger than when I last saw her in the hospital.

“This is all for you.”

When was this again?

“Grow up. You’re a high school student now.”

As I looked at the offering envelope on the floor, memories began to return.

“Thinking it’s wasted is wrong. This money goes towards the construction of God’s temple, and that’s something to be thankful for.”

I didn’t want to hear it.

“You should pray a bit too, okay? Let’s go on Sunday and give this offering together.”

Three million won.

I remembered it as the prize money I’d won from some singing contest.

“Yes, that’s the right way to think. You’re making the offering yourself, my son is all grown up now.”

When I eventually put all the money in the envelope, my mother was overjoyed, but… this wasn’t right either.

“A part of my memory is distorted.”

As I recognized the distorted part, my mother’s form dissolved into dust again.

In reality, it didn’t end warmly like this.

When I said I wanted to take just thirty thousand won to buy a soccer ball, I was slapped.

“My goodness, what strange memories.”

I grabbed and opened any door I saw.

* * *

*Tick.*

* * *

*Tick-tick.*

The loud ticking of a clock.

In our house, the ticking of the clock was unusually loud.

The sound was regular, but listening to it made me feel uncomfortable.

“My son.”

It wasn’t my mother’s voice.

“Look at this. Isn’t everything moving precisely and regularly?”

Was this… my father?

I was sitting on a man’s knee, looking down at a table.

“Isn’t it such a sophisticated and refined movement? For perfection, people have strived to advance technology.”

The man’s hand held a magnifying glass up to my eyes.

Through it, I saw scratches on the metal parts of a clock as they magnified.

“But wear and tear occurs. As this wear accumulates, errors happen. Rules seem sophisticated but are inherently unstable and prone to collapse.”

When did we have such a conversation?

Was it from when I was very young?

“I can’t quite tell what’s distorted.”

Since I couldn’t recall much originally, it was confusing if a distortion even existed.

“Everything’s like that. At first, it’s not too profound. It’s full of errors, so it’s unstable and useless. Still, the reason technology could develop to this point.”

The man turned the clock’s cogwheel.

“It’s repetition. Improvement through repeated repetition. Understand?”

Ah… I understood.

“I initially have no memory of seeing my father.”

So the issue was with the memory itself where my father was present.

Even when I was very young, my father was absent.

“Son, you are such a special child.”

… Yet the illusion didn’t stop.

Despite recognizing the distortion, the memory continued.

“Son, don’t ever forget. Your father is always watching over you. I will witness your growth.”

“What is this? It’s neither a distortion nor an early memory I recall? To begin with, my father….”

I never knew my father’s face in my life.

It was only then that I realized I had been staring at the table the entire time and tried to turn around.

“Ugh!”

But as soon as I turned, I was blinded by a brilliant light that I couldn’t open my eyes to.

An overwhelming white light that felt blinding.

Amidst it was a black figure.

*Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick.*

The black pendulum swung back and forth.

Looking more closely, one could see it wasn’t just swinging side to side.

It was swinging in multiple, more chaotic directions.

This large pendulum wasn’t a pendulum at all.

“…… Mother.”

The last image I remembered of my mother.

Using a belt, hanging from a lamp.

When I came home that day, that enormous pendulum was still swinging.

TL’s Corner:
Wait, wtf is happening?
I hate the MC’s mother. She’s a fanatic.
And the pendulum at the end, we all know what it is.
Fuck.