I Became The Male Lead’s Female Friend

 My face, which looked healthy unlike earlier, and even Rudrick laying next to me, asleep without any blanket that covers our fragile body. Because my mother, who had seen us, was roughly aware of the situation and stared at us. But that was it. Surprisingly, my mother smiled and didn’t question me. Rather, she left the room quietly and said, “Let’s talk later.” Fortunately, after waking up from a long slumber. Rudrick didn’t seem to know that my mother came to my room. Beyond not knowing what happened, he also didn’t want to let my mother know that he cried. Even until he had breakfast with the Duchess, Rudrick couldn’t bear to raise his head and look busy covering his swollen eyes. But does he know? My mother and the Duchess who were watching us had been laughing since earlier. Obviously, my mother must have told everything to the Duchess, but for me who was stabbed, I had no choice but to pretend like I couldn’t see their stare, and stick my nose to the plate. And when those embarrassing situations somehow passed. “…Would you like to come play again?” I grabbed Rudrick, who was returning to their home earlier than usual, and finally asked. Although we reconciled, Rudrick had a history of hiding everything without telling me. I knew he wouldn’t do that anymore, but I couldn’t let go of Rudrick because I felt anxious… “Yes, I would definitely come again.” Rudrick, who said so, knew how to make a pretty reliable smile, so we ended up laughing at each other. And looking at the back of their wagon leaving our mansion, the hazy dust settled and the wagon disappeared into a small dot. Only then did I turn around and head towards the place I’ve been thinking about. ‘I have a lot to do.’ The place I headed for was the library. The reason I went straight to the library was simple. ‘Because we decided to get to know each other together.’ In the first place, from the time I made this appointment with Rudrick, I had no intention of focusing on my own preference. In fact, everyone would gradually learn about it in a little while. Rudrick was just inexperienced, and if he tried many things alone, he would soon realize it on his own. But not being able to say that was a different matter. The Rudrick I’ve seen won’t tell anyone no matter how much he liked anything. He would put more importance on my opinion and try to follow it first, as he always did. As if he was saying, ‘You don’t have to consider me at all.’ Was it because Rudrick has low self-esteem in making a choice, or maybe because he just lacks confidence in the first place? I’m not sure about everything either, but the only thing I was worried about was that if it stays like this, the same thing might happen again. So I thought I should learn about it before I try it with Rudrick. It’s okay to say what you think at any time, there’s nothing more important than your own opinion. You are more precious than you think. ‘Yes, let’s boost our confidence!’ But I ended up with a problem again. ‘But how?’ Which ‘method’ should we use to boost our confidence? If I knew it well in the first place, I wouldn’t have had this kind of trouble. However, I didn’t major in children’s education or study separately in my previous life, so I was at a loss. But I knew a place where I could fill that lack of knowledge. A place called ‘the cradle of knowledge’. It was the library at the Duke Averine, which was the famous equivalent of or after the Imperial Palace Library. ‘That’s the place where l could find the data I needed.’ There was a huge amount of books piled up to the point where someone would feel sick just by looking at them. So, I thought I could find a way to improve my confidence by searching the books. I entered the library in high spirits and rummaged through books for hours– “It seems too difficult, and it’s a little vague and…” …I was halfway dying. The librarian kept glancing at me with strange eyes while organizing books next to me. It was understandable. If I had gone to the library like this and studied for hours, the tutors would have jumped with joy. Until now, the library has been a good haven for me. I couldn’t sleep that well if I lied down on the bookshelf in the library under the pretext of reading books after lunch. And there was no way the librarian who was watching me couldn’t know who I was. But one day, he suddenly appeared and read a book with a serious face for a long time, he couldn’t be that unfamiliar with these books. He was looking for the books I asked for and slowly moving step by step, without erasing his quivering expression. That’s how most books piled up in front of me were like a tower. [10 principles that increase confidence] [From today on, I decided to love myself] [Courage to be hated] [Developing your own life] and so on… From self-improvement books to essays, and even great mind’s books. Each book had different contents and topics, but I couldn’t find what I wanted. Some books delve into theories of self-esteem, and others spend their lives astray. Later, ‘Did I only read books that are too similar?’, so I started looking for other types of books, and I even touched my parents’ books. [Don’t shout, don’t hit] [How to educate love for a child] [Mother’s Psychology Class] After reading until then… I finally felt ashamed and put the book down. “What the hell am I supposed to do…” Was it because I read too many books? All sorts of information came into my head and twisted, so I felt like my head turned blank. Sighing heavily while tearing my hair, I glanced at the librarian who had been looking at me for a while. And then asked a question out of the blue. “Mister.” “Yes?” “How could I improve my confidence?” “What?” “Oh, was that weird? How could I improve my confidence?” It was just a bleating without any expectation, but surprisingly, the man seemed to be taking it seriously. After thinking for a long time with his eyes closed, he soon came up with an answer. “I… I usually make plans.” “Planning?” Nodding his head, he soon went on to explain. “Yes, it’s a habit for me to wake up every morning and organize my tasks for the day… I became proud to do things one by one and erase them as I finish them, and my confidence increases… well… yes.” After finishing the explanation, he became worried and said, ‘Did I talk so much?’ However, as I was listening to his explanation, I felt like my head was cleared up in an instant. ‘It’s easy to understand.’ It was much easier to understand and concise than reading a book. In addition, it was based on other people’s experiences, so the effect would be clear, and even if it was a way that didn’t suit others, it was easy to practice, so it seemed worth a try. However, it wouldn’t be enough to only do what the librarian said. I don’t even know which method was right for Rudrick. ‘I’m asking around!’ And to know that, more methods were needed. Wouldn’t there be a good way I could find, if I listen and ask advice from others with experience and choose a good one? At last a solution popped in my head, so I got up from my seat. I covered the book that only made my head hurt for no reason, and smiled cheerfully at the man. “Thank you!” Then I ran out of the library with no regrets. Finally there were a lot of good people around and there wasn’t enough time to ask them all before Rudrick came back. I ran towards my destination with a flushed face. There were people who came to mind first when I decided to ask around. I opened the door of the mansion with all my might and shouted loudly. “Mom, Dad–!”  * * * Fortunately, the two were together. My father was relaxing on the sofa, and my mother was pouring tea into his cup. As expected, I came in a hurry because I thought he would be back by now, but the timing was amazing. Judging from the unpacked luggage and clothes, my father seemed to have just returned from a business trip. Although I hesitated, ‘Should I ask him later?’. My father’s face looked tired, but it was also him who unexpectedly brightened up when he saw me. Instead of pointing out my rude behavior of opening the door, my father jumped up and shouted with a more welcoming expression than I did. “Dahlia, are you okay?” ‘Was there anything I’m not okay with?’ On the contrary, I tilted my head, and my face stiffened for a moment. ‘Yes, I pretended to be sick…’ It was just yesterday, but I completely forgot because there was so much going on. Even my mother would have known that I was faking it yesterday. My father was seriously worried, perhaps my mother hadn’t told him about it yet.