I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

I returned home with the doctor.

He said he brought food, so I was expecting a nice meal.

But the doctor had mixed drugs into the food.

I noticed it while eating, but there was nothing I could do.

I was hungry.

“-In four days, the Academy graduation ceremony will take place. For Han Si-Hoo, it could also be called a promotion ceremony. It’s the perfect time to join the Academy.”

After the meal, the doctor spoke.

“Is that so?”

“Do you feel more motivated now?”

“Yes. What kind of drug is this? I feel strange.”

There was a sauce on the meat, and I think something was mixed into the sauce.

The taste was unique.

“It’s a drug that amplifies certain emotions. There’s an Awakener who’s good at this kind of thing, so I asked them to make it.”

Amplification of emotions.

That seems to be the case.

All sorts of deeply buried emotions were swirling inside me.

Inferiority, fear, a thirst for revenge, pain, emptiness, and more.

Yet, strangely enough, I didn’t feel the urge to die.

It was fascinating that I could feel such a variety of emotions while the drug was still working.

“But why would you give me something like this?”

“The drug Miss Seo-Ah normally takes dulls her emotions.”

“So why now?”

“I thought this would motivate you better if you could feel your emotions more strongly.”

Motivate me?

I’m feeling a wide range of emotions.

It’s different from what I feel when the effects of the drug wear off.

I don’t feel like I want to die.

Rather, if anything, I’d kill someone instead.

“I’m starting to feel homicidal though.”

“That’s normal. It’s actually something the military used illegally.”

“Ah… really?”

Did he just feed me that?

As motivation?

I don’t know what kind of motivation he’s talking about, but it’s been a while since I’ve reflected on my emotions like this.

“So, can you think of that Academy boy from earlier? How do you feel? Do you want revenge?”

“Hmm, I want to get back at him.”

“I see. Could you check if you have a bruise on your stomach?”

Ah, the spot where I got hit earlier?

I lifted my shirt to check.

“Oh, there’s a bruise…”

A dark blue bruise had formed on my stomach.

At least my bones weren’t broken.

It should hurt just to move, but thanks to the drug, it wasn’t that painful.

“The injury seems worse than I thought. Now, how do you feel when you think of that boy again?”

“Well, now I want to kill him.”

“That’s how it should be.”

I want to kill him.

No, even if I got hit hard enough to bruise, wanting to kill him is a bit much.

It didn’t seem like something I should feel such intense anger over.

It feels like something is forcibly stimulating my brain.

“Ah…”

I feel both good and bad.

I feel pleasant but also unpleasant.

My head feels like it’s overheating from these two conflicting emotions.

“So now, do you feel like killing Han Si-Hoo?”

“…Si-Hoo?”

That question again?

It wasn’t just a casual question.

It didn’t feel the same as when I heard it in the middle of the night.

Sure, my thinking is probably strange right now because of the drug…

“I asked you this question before, but this time I’m offering you better conditions.”

“Better conditions?”

“I’ll make sure you get the drug whenever and wherever you need it. I’ll even provide you with food, shelter, and clothing. Of course, that’s all under the condition that you kill Han Si-Hoo.”

Food, shelter, and clothing along with the drug.

It’s certainly a better option than just the drug.

“So…”

Is he saying I’ll be rewarded after I kill Han Si-Hoo, or rewarded while I try to kill him? I can’t tell.

“You seem to be hesitating, so let me help you a bit.”

“No…”

“Do you remember what you said to Han Si-Hoo last time? When you harshly pushed him away?”

“……”

I was about to ask some questions about the conditions, but he didn’t give me the chance to speak.

Anyway, since he asked if I remember what I said to Han Si-Hoo, let me think about it carefully.

I should filter out some of the insults Yoo Seo-Ah hurled at him.

“Are you happy to escape to the Academy? Enjoying yourself alone?”

“Why do you keep coming back and deceiving me?”

“I feel like I would’ve lived a better life if it weren’t for you.”

“It must feel great to be an Awakener and succeed all by yourself.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Just get lost. Don’t ever show up in front of me again.”

…

That’s a lot.

Look at the effort I put into driving Han Si-Hoo away as his childhood friend.

Why did I do such a pointless thing?

“I feel like crying.”

Yoo Seo-Ah’s emotions resurfaced.

A tear was about to fall.

Regret and sorrow were tangled together.

And a bit of inferiority, anger.

After saying all those things, I had the nerve to go borrow money from him, so I must have had a thick face.

Now I understand how much the drug dulls emotions.

“So now, think about how Han Si-Hoo treated Miss Seo-Ah.”

How the protagonist treated me?

How did he treat me?

I recalled the conversation I had with him when I visited the Academy last time.

“I don’t understand. You’ve never had an issue with the cost of the drugs before.”

“You’ve really hit rock bottom, huh?”

“Let’s not get involved with each other again.”

That’s what I heard after walking from home to the Academy.

I struggled to walk for three hours…

Now that I think about it, it makes me angry.

Why is the protagonist always happy?

Why did I have to become someone like Yoo Seo-Ah and suffer?

Some people struggle through life and gain nothing, while others easily obtain everything.

The world has always been unfair.

I should direct that anger at the protagonist too.

He stands alone, benefiting from inequality.

Han Si-Hoo can do anything because he’s the protagonist.

The protagonist of my life should be me, but Han Si-Hoo is the protagonist.

If not the protagonist, at least give me another decent role.

Why does it have to be a childhood friend who is a drug addict…?

A drug addict?

No, no.

That can’t be me, right?

I’ve always only taken the proper dosage.

Besides, this isn’t even a drug, it’s just medicine.

Anyway, the fact that there’s a protagonist in this world is the problem.

This is all happening because of the protagonist’s tragic past.

If Han Si-Hoo hadn’t existed, Yoo Seo-Ah wouldn’t have ended up like this either.

Really.

Even the reason Yoo Seo-Ah ended up taking these awful drugs is because of the protagonist.

Not that Han Si-Hoo knows that.

“Now that I think about it, everything is Han Si-Hoo’s fault.”

Yes, it’s all the protagonist’s fault.

Why?

Because… it’s the protagonist’s fault.

“Do you want to kill him?”

“Yes.”

“Good. It’s nice to see you motivated. Even I wouldn’t want to make someone fight without a clear purpose.”

“Fight?”

“I told you before, even regular people can become Awakeners. All they need is a bit of help from drugs.”

“So I take that drug and fight Han Si-Hoo?”

“Not at all. You just need to meet with Si-Hoo and talk to him. It’s more of a conversation than a fight.”

A conversation?

Didn’t you tell me to kill him earlier?

The scene where Yoo Seo-Ah and Han Si-Hoo met in the novel came to mind.

Yoo Seo-Ah, who had tried to attack Han Si-Hoo with her weakened body.

It didn’t really feel like a fight since one side was clearly holding back.

Things are different from the novel now.

I’m healthier than Yoo Seo-Ah was.

I’ve never overused the drugs, not once.

My body is in good condition.

Judging by how I feel no pain, it’s certain.

The situation is much better than it was for Yoo Seo-Ah in the novel.

No matter how angry I get, I won’t recklessly charge at Han Si-Hoo.

There shouldn’t be any big problems, right?

“Anyway, as I mentioned, the Academy graduation ceremony is in four days… I’ll give you the drug to help you Awaken then. You don’t need any more drugs until then, since you already had plenty with your meal.”

“Okay.”

Honestly, I want to go to Han Si-Hoo right now.

I want to spill out all the emotions inside me.

He wasn’t kidding about the emotional amplification.

The effects are incredible.

“Oh, and this. It seems like you’re almost out of the drug you’ve been using, so I brought more.”

The doctor took out a bottle of drug filled with blue liquid from his bag.

“-It’s a new drug.”

I glanced at the remaining time.

It’s just about time for another shot.

“…A new drug?”

“It’s to help heal any internal injuries you might have sustained when you were punched earlier. It speeds up the recovery process. It’ll also boost your overall recovery in the long term. It’ll be useful for you going forward.”

“I see.”

“It’s a bit more addictive than the previous one, but I’m sure that won’t be a problem. I trust you’ll use it wisely. The dosage remains the same as before.”

“How much does this one cost then…”

“You don’t have to pay for it. Just the fact that you agreed to kill Han Si-Hoo is enough payment.”

“Wow.”

Free drugs for life!

But… it’ll be tough to kill the protagonist anyway, so is this really okay?

No matter how angry I get, I won’t seriously try to kill the protagonist.

Even if I go all out, I won’t be able to kill him.

I’ve never hated someone so much that I wanted to burn my life to take theirs.

And I never will.

I shouldn’t.

Life is precious, after all.

“I’ll leave the food here, so feel free to eat when you’re hungry. I’ll come to pick you up later… and it’s best if you stay at home until then. It’d be troublesome if you collapsed outside again.”

“Okay, take care.”

I slightly bowed my head as I saw the doctor out the door.

I didn’t really need to be so polite, though.

For some reason, I don’t feel much emotion towards the doctor.

He’s a suspicious guy feeding me strange drugs, so you’d think I’d have some resentment toward him.

I glanced at the remaining time again.

[17 minutes].

“Ah, time.”

I snapped out of my daze after standing blankly for a while.

Lately, I’ve gotten into the habit of zoning out at random times.

I reached out for the bottle to use the new drug I received.

The blue liquid swirled inside.

Unlike the previous drug, this one has color, which makes it feel even more unsettling.

I measured the amount of the drug to inject.

What does he mean by it being more addictive?

I guess there’s only one way to find out.

I positioned the syringe.

I pierced the needle into my skin.

“Ugh…”

That familiar unpleasant sensation of the drug entering my body washed over me.

[6 hours, 32 minutes]

The remaining time has increased.

It didn’t extend as much as before, which used to be 8 hours.

Does this drug have additional functions that reduce the time?

“Hmm…”

I gradually began to feel better.

If the old drug just made me want to lie in bed, this one feels like soaking in a hot spring, letting all my muscles relax.

I can’t imagine anything else feeling better than this, no matter what I do at home.

I’m very satisfied.

The downside is that the effects only last for about six hours.

“Is this really healing me, though…”

My stomach’s bruised, but it doesn’t hurt when I touch it.

It’s probably because of the drug.

It’ll heal on its own, I guess?

Hmm.

Suddenly, I feel like I want to find that Academy student… Ethan, was it?

I want to go and kill him.

Ah, the fact that my emotions keep intensifying is scary.

I need to be careful.

I have to avoid an ending where I recklessly charge at the protagonist and end up dead.

Of course, this is all Han Si-Hoo’s fault.

The protagonist is to blame.

But still, Han Si-Hoo doesn’t feel like a lifelong nemesis or someone I need to risk my life to eliminate.

It’d be nice if we could all just reconcile and live well.

I stared blankly at the ceiling again, lost in random thoughts.

***

On the fourth day, I had to congratulate myself for not overdosing.

The addiction to the drug was no joke.

I had to fight off the urge to inject it every hour.

But I held out.

Of course I did.

There’s no way I’d get addicted to some drug.