I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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Success comes at a cost.

I moved with a desperate heart.

I struggled with all my might to save a girl.

Returning to the past, I will shatter the world and break fate.

I knew from the beginning that this was no easy task.

I couldn’t truly deny that failure was a given, either.

Yet, I continued to hit back without giving up until the end. If I feared failure and didn’t move, not even the slightest possibility would open up.

Deceiving everyone.

Hurting others.

Betting everything on all the possibilities of the worldline.

But why?

Why did I try so hard to save you?

It was a simple question that didn’t require a lengthy response.

Was my desperate will finally being rewarded?

Despite being a seemingly impossible goal, hope began to glimmer just a bit.

Amidst the twisted instability of causality, I barely succeeded in holding onto the original flow.

I even transcended the barriers of time and space that seemed insurmountable.

Success was truly at my fingertips.

However, perhaps this was as far as I would go.

Success came at a cost.

The miracle used by an unauthorized person caused undeniable backlash.

To begin with, I shouldn’t have existed in this worldline.

No matter how much I used the holy relics, I couldn’t completely defy it.

My body gradually faded away.

The once translucent form ultimately left only a faint shimmer as time went on.

I was disappearing from this world.

Already, others no longer looked at me.

As if no one was standing there at all.

Just a little more, and even the self-consciousness I barely maintained would vanish.

At that moment, I would become an entirely nonexistent being. Forgotten by all, I would perish.

“······.”

Hana watched as the board of directors was handled in the academy’s basement.

She felt a gaze meet the miracle-formed Magi.

The boy looked at me with a sorrowful expression.

Did he realize that my existence was blurring?

But it wasn’t over yet.

I hadn’t disappeared, and I was clearly still here.

Soon, Hana collapsed due to the effects of the miracle, and the Black Goat appeared in the space.

He quickly assessed the situation and said flatly,

“I’m returning to the temple.”

Through the dragon’s magic, everyone present at the scene was transported to the temple.

I didn’t know why, but I was included in that group and moved along.

In any case, this was good for me.

Having come along without putting in the effort, there was only one thing left to do.

Then I suddenly realized something strange.

There was a difference between the scene in my memory and the recent event.

Clearly, at this moment ten years ago, Hana had not collapsed and was still conscious.

In contrast, the Red Dragon, which should have originally fallen, was moving about perfectly and using magic.

This shouldn’t be happening.

Everything had to flow as it was until Hana became a god.

Only then would the paradox arising from my return to the past not affect the story.

Why?

What went wrong?

If this affected the story, it would mean the failure of my plan.

“What are you?”

At that moment, a blunt voice echoed low.

The Black Goat was glaring at me with his crimson eyes.

Did he notice my existence?

“What an unusual presence. Are you a specter caught in the cracks of time?”

I pondered for a moment.

What would be the correct answer? Was the counterpart an enemy or an ally? Was it the right choice to hide my identity?

My instinct told me that if I stayed quiet, I would inevitably fail.

Then perhaps I should take a gamble.

Above all, the Black Goat was a time traveler who had used the crown before me.

“I’m Kim Shinwoo, who used the crown to come from the future ten years later.”

“…Indeed. That’s surprising. I never thought you’d find it.”

The Black Goat seemed genuinely impressed.

“Where is the crown?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t have told you either.”

Everyone else had left, leaving only the two of us here.

This might be the only chance.

“I’ll get to the point. Right now, I’m gathering three holy relics.”

“Hm. If you want them, isn’t it already possible?”

That was true.

Not to mention Longinus, the Holy Grail was also with my past self, so there was no major issue.

The most troublesome Thorn Crown was also perfectly located.

But the problem lay in when the holy relics needed to be used.

“My plan requires that Hana becomes a god. So the original narrative must absolutely remain unchanged.”

If Hana couldn’t become a god, she wouldn’t be able to read the Akashic Records, which meant the reincarnated personality with the memories of the original work, that is, the current Yu Hana, could not exist.

It was a kind of time paradox.

Because the past and future were intertwined, it couldn’t be ignored.

“Are you saying that the savior becomes a god?”

“I’m going to conduct your descent plan through Hana.”

“…I see. Is that so?”

He nodded as if he had realized something, giving a meaningful response.

Hopeful, I asked,

“Please tell me. What should I do now?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“You also tried to change the world. A world without gods.”

“What I meant was that I had nothing to answer.”

“…But you went back to the past already. Then you must know how, right?”

I thought that I only needed to move a little further.

However, I couldn’t stop here. I couldn’t fail after coming this far.

“You’re misunderstanding something significant.”

“…What?”

“Before I returned to the past, the original me was nothing but a pathetic loser. The reason I went back was not for any grand ideals of saving the world, but due to my own selfish desires.”

It was a somewhat out-of-context, sudden confession.

But I quietly focused on his words.

“Change is natural and inevitable. The very fact that I am who I am now is merely the result created by my choices and the flow of the world, and trying to forcibly go against that is the truly pathetic action.”

“Are you telling me to accept fate readily?”

“Don’t you understand? Your efforts to oppose fate will produce change in their own right. The moment you returned to the past, a story could not repeat itself exactly the same way.”

I roughly understood what he meant.

But that wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear right now.

“The story must remain the same for Hana to live!”

“No. If it repeats the same, it will only fail the same way. How many times have you failed?”

“That is…”

Seventy-six failures.

In that round, I desperately fought to control every variable.

But ultimately, I failed, and the same regression repeated.

“And when you change, the world will change as well. When you change, Yu Hana, whom you want to save, will also change. Can you assert that the Yu Hana you originally wanted to save is the same as the current Yu Hana?”

“······.”

She’s the same. I couldn’t say that.

She had clearly changed. I had experienced new facets that I hadn’t known before.

Yu Hana, lost and relying on the science teacher during her first year at the academy.

Yu Hana, who couldn’t lean on anyone and relied on the science teacher.

Yu Hana, who was wary of the science teacher whom she believed to be a demon after losing her memories.

All were completely different sides of Hana that the original Kim Shinwoo would never have seen.

As you change, I change too.

We became different by influencing each other.

That very change was, even still, just another version of you loving her more.

“I will accept that my descent plan has changed completely from the original. What will you do?”

“······.”

“Repeat the same mistakes or accept the change.”

His red eyes reflected my image.

“The choice is in your will.”

*

I leaned against the window and gazed at the scenery outside.

Above the gently flowing sea, countless sparkling stars were embedded.

The galaxy sinking into darkness floated gracefully, and the bright full moon washed in water displayed its beauty.

The world just beyond the small window frame was beautiful.

Though it felt very familiar, the more I looked closely, the more different it became.

Perhaps life is the same too.

I struggled through pain and fell into despair, but I continued to live up to this day dreaming of a handful of happiness blooming within.

Knock, knock.

The sound of knocking broke the quiet silence.

The girl turned her gaze from the window to the door.

“Come in.”

As the door slowly opened, the long-awaited man finally revealed himself.

Hana greeted him with a gentle smile.

“You’re so late, Teacher.”

“No, Kim Shinwoo.”

Shinwoo sheepishly scratched his head and stepped inside.

Despite the countless difficulties that had hindered him from reaching here, his expression was incredibly bright.

“I’m sorry. Did you wait long?”

“It’s okay. I knew you’d come.”

A shooting star fell from the sky outside the window.

There was no sign of the boy in him.

A decade’s gap existed between the girl and him that could never be filled.

Yet still, they remained the closest childhood friends.

Gradually, Shinwoo’s form became blurry.

His flickering form was on the verge of disappearing.

Whoosh. As a strong wind blew, his figure vanished without a trace.

All that remained before the girl was just the crack of the open door, as if this were a mere hallucination.

Drop. A tear rolled down the girl’s cheek.

At that moment, the boy’s voice resonated in the air.

“It’s time to wake up from the dream.”

In this world, there are three types of beings.

Those that end everything.

Those that reverse everything.

Those that defeat everything.

When the three merge, they become one existence.

Therefore, all stories begin anew.