I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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I can only survive if I commit suicide.

At first glance, it sounds like utter nonsense.

But it’s true.

The reason for this conclusion is because of the girl named Yu Hana, into whom I’ve been reincarnated.

If you look closely, she’s quite a pitiful character.

In the beginning, she had no distinguishing features aside from being the childhood friend of the protagonist—a total airhead heroine.

In the middle of the story, she’s all alone suffering in misery.

Eventually, she meets a tragic end and is used as a stepping stone for the protagonist’s awakening, then exits the scene.

“Right now, that’s the problem—I am her.”

Yu Hana goes through unimaginable hardships throughout the story.

For starters, she was the only incompetent person at the academy.

To be more precise, she was a Senseless Person.

She received a judgment that she had potential but, in reality, she never awakened.

The conditions for awakening vary for each person.

Most awaken naturally, but some require fulfilling certain postnatal conditions.

Yu Hana’s condition for awakening is simply death.

In other words, she must die once in order to gain her abilities.

Thanks to that, Yu Hana acquires her powers only in the mid to late stages of the story.

And it’s through giving up her life and committing suicide.

What could drive Yu Hana to such an end?

Is it because she has no abilities?

This unfortunate character didn’t just commit suicide for that one reason.

While that is a large part of it, we could say most of her suffering stems from various sources.

Just listing them makes my eyes well up.

First. Feelings of inferiority and defeat due to lack of abilities.

Second. Bullying at the academy.

Third. Congenital weakness and chronic illness.

Fourth. Brainwashing and hypnosis at the hands of villains, among other atrocities.

Fifth. The protagonist’s indifference.

Overwhelmed by all of this, Yu Hana’s spirit breaks, leading her to commit suicide.

Her mind died before her body.

Ah, it’s making me teary-eyed.

Not out of sadness, but out of fear.

After all, now I have to endure all of this.

Right now, the third reason is already tormenting me.

The exact cause of the chronic illness hasn’t been revealed, and therefore, there’s no cure.

In fact, this is also related to her abilities, which will be uncovered later.

The symptoms of this illness are straightforward.

It hurts.

Pain in the head, stomach, legs—everywhere.

At first, the pain feels like being poked with a nail from the inside.

Then, it transitions to a feeling as if someone is mercilessly beating you with a bat.

In the end, it becomes a tightening pain, as if you’ve been stuffed into a compactor.

What arises is a random gacha of agony.

All of it hurts like hell, but if I had to choose one, it would be the last one.

I lie on the floor, forgetting to breathe, and curl up until the pain subsides.

After experiencing the illness just three times, I’ve decided.

It would be better to just commit suicide.

How did Yu Hana endure this pain all this time?

Does one develop a tolerance after enduring it for long?

If you’re used to this pain, dying might actually seem like a better option.

That’s how my thoughts on suicide have shifted.

It’s now a viable option.

Once I die, I can gain abilities and be freed from pain.

So, of course, I should commit suicide.

I’ll do it as quickly as possible.

What would be the best way to go about it?

I’ve never had to think about suicide before, so answers don’t come easily.

There are a few methods that immediately come to mind when thinking about suicide.

Hanging oneself.

Jumping from a high place.

Eating poison.

Cutting one’s wrist with a blade.

Running into a truck.

There are probably other methods too.

I pondered which would be the best.

“Ugh…!”

Suddenly, my mind goes blank.

A seizure.

It feels like a knife is being stabbed into my intestines.

This stabbing pain is something I can never get used to.

Still, I can stand.

At least my legs aren’t so weak that I collapse.

In the mirror, I see Yu Hana with a deeply furrowed brow.

Seriously, why did I have to reincarnate into this kind of character…?

There’s no time to lament.

Grabbing onto the furniture or walls of the room, I barely manage to take a step.

I pick up a syringe from the shelf.

There’s no cure for this chronic illness.

All I can do is reduce the pain with painkillers.

Having only ever had the preventative injections given by nurses in my life, I’ve become quite the expert at finding veins in just two days of reincarnation.

I’ve been in enough pain to use them often.

And the effectiveness of the painkiller is desperately needed.

After injecting myself, the pain subsides.

I feel the annoyance and despair gradually fade away, replaced by happiness and relief.

The stronger the pain, the stronger the medication must be.

Side effects? Well, just the fact that it’s narcotic.

I feel happy and addicted.

Will I end up getting hooked on drugs?

Should I just overdose on painkillers to kill myself instead?

“Oh…”

It’s genuinely not bad.

I seriously think about it in the pink haze of my mind.

Still, I’ll put that plan on hold.

Honestly, it’s only been two days since the reincarnation, and I feel like I could get hooked already.

If I ended up offing myself with that, I might have to actually live as a drug addict later.

Dying and coming back would leave my body clean, but still, I feel uneasy. Let’s set that aside for now.

I should be fine for the next few hours.

So, let’s quickly think about how to commit suicide.

The first thing that comes to mind is poison.

It’ll allow for a quiet exit. That’s the most important thing right now.

Plus, unlike drugs, it won’t cause addiction.

How do I get my hands on poison?

Maybe searching around the science lab will yield something?

If I could just get hydrochloric acid, it might be straightforward.

Since it’s Sunday, there’s a chance I could pull it off.

I’d sneak into the science lab.

I desperately want to die today.

I have to go to school again tomorrow since it’ll be Monday.

I mustn’t attract attention from anyone before I kill myself.

When I die, I need to do it quietly without letting anyone notice.

If there was no need for concealment, I could just open the window in my dorm room and jump out.

That way, it would draw everyone’s gaze, and that’s the issue.

In other words, I have to find a way to commit suicide without being caught by anyone.

So, jumping off is absolutely out of the question, and the only thing I can think of is poison.

What else is there…?

Hmm…

My head feels foggy.

Must be from the side effects of the painkiller.

The more I take, the simpler I feel.

Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

Is it necessary to live in a complicated world?

I’ll just die once and quit school altogether to live quietly.

That’s my plan. How easy is that?

So let’s commit suicide first.

That’s the first step of the plan.

I’ll go with poison.

It seems the easiest.

I prepare to leave the dorm and head toward the main school building.

I just hope I don’t run into the protagonist.

The only potential variable in the plan is the protagonist.

At this point in time, the protagonist is close to Yu Hana.

She’s the only friend Yu Hana has at the academy.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

I open the dorm door.

I need to head to the main building.

This is my second outing since being reincarnated.

The first time, I just stopped by a convenience store.

While checking my map and moving, I accidentally bumped into someone.

“Ouch.”

“Oh my, are you okay?”

Since it’s a female voice, it can’t be the protagonist.

Thank goodness. I lower my head and apologize.

“I’m so sorry…”

“No, it’s fine. Friends can bump into each other.”

Friends?

Yu Hana doesn’t have any friends.

Feeling something strange, I looked up to identify the person.

Short black hair. Neatly styled bangs. Red eyes. Tear mole.

When I listed those features, one character came to mind.

“…Hong Yeonhwa.”

“Wow. You’re actually calling my name now? Scabby Dog?”

Scabby Dog.

That was Yu Hana’s nickname.

There was a description that her messy cream-colored hair looked just like a golden retriever.

Honestly, I think it fits even in my mind.

She’s smaller than a retriever, though.

For the same reason, she’s also called a mutt or yellow dog.

Hong Yeonhwa ruffled my hair.

“Hey, you little mutt. Where are you rushing off to? Gonna play with me?”

“…”

“Oh? You’re not answering? Or are you just trying to curry favor with Shin Woo again?”

“…That’s not it.”

“Not it? You’re always hanging around Shin Woo~ and doing nothing else.”

This school violence. Stop it!

The gentle strokes that were there before suddenly turned 180 degrees.

Hong Yeonhwa grabbed my hair and started shaking it slowly.

At least it’s fortunate that there are other kids in the dorm hallway, so she isn’t openly harassing me.

“Hana. Anyway, can you lend me a little money?”

“…I don’t have any.”

I really don’t.

Since Yu Hana is an orphan, her family isn’t wealthy.

Her grades aren’t good enough to get a scholarship either.

At least all academy students receive full tuition support, so she can just barely attend.

The little amount of money given as living assistance goes entirely to painkillers.

Thanks to that, Yu Hana can hardly snack except during meal times.

“Oh right. You were broke, weren’t you? I totally forgot.”

“…Um, I really need to go now.”

If I delay any longer, the effects of the medication might wear off.

Then I’ll have to fret about when the next seizure might hit.

I don’t want that. I just want to die quickly.

“Hey, mutt. If someone hears me, they’ll think I’m bullying you, got it?”

“…No, that’s not true.”

“Can’t do this. Come with me for a sec.”

Hong Yeonhwa put her arm around my shoulders and forcibly dragged me along.

I couldn’t resist. I’m weak and have no abilities, so how could I?

If I struggled, her grip would only tighten further.

“Stop it…”

“What am I doing? You’re the one whining about nothing, right? It’s seriously annoying.”

“…”

I shouldn’t have stepped outside of the dorm.

Why did I have to go big and think about poisoning myself?

I should’ve quietly stayed at home and just cut my wrist.

I got dragged out behind the school, where it became dim.

Or, maybe I could provoke Hong Yeonhwa and let myself be beaten to death.

No, that would probably hurt too much, and I don’t want that.

“Hana! …Hong Yeonhwa? What are you two doing over there?”

At that moment, I heard a voice from behind us.

It was a guy.

Oh no, wait. It can’t be?

“Kim Shinwoo. Don’t butt in and go away, okay? Can’t you see we’re having fun?”

“I don’t see it as fun, though.”

This is bad.

I mustn’t run into the protagonist.