I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 30

Another new day.

Today, I completed my tasks safely.

Luckily, everything passed quietly without any major incidents.

The only thing was that Kim Si woo’s condition seemed a bit off.

He kept hesitating as if he wanted to say something to me, but in the end, he brushed it off as nothing and left, leaving a strange feeling behind.

Especially the way he looked at Sophie—it was a really complex gaze filled with emotions I couldn’t quite describe.

Could it be related to yesterday’s incident?

Ironically, I have no memory of that time at all.

I heard that Kim Si woo had a slip of the tongue while arguing with Hong Yeonhwa, and thanks to that, a few classmates found out about my condition. I did notice a few kids sneaking glances at me today.

It’s a little annoying, but maybe it’s fine to just ignore it.

After all, only one day is left.

Yes.

Tomorrow.

The day of on-site practice.

I am going to end my life.

—

“Goodnight.”

“Yeah. Night, Hana.”

“…Yeah.”

I lay down on the bed.

In the darkness, I could hear Sophie’s breathing right beside me.

The bunk bed still hadn’t arrived.

Maybe the dorm supervisor completely forgot about it.

But I didn’t feel the need to ask again.

Sleeping together like this had become familiar somehow.

Honestly, I didn’t mind.

For some reason, I had trouble falling asleep tonight.

It’s strange.

Today was more peaceful than ever.

Not a single seizure attack that usually bothered me two or three times a day.

No practice sessions that would get me scolded by the instructor.

I barely talked to Kim Si woo, who usually made my head spin.

I spent the day peacefully in class.

After lessons, I enjoyed some club activities.

That was my entire day.

It might sound ridiculous, but it was a fulfilling day.

The happiest day since possessing Yoo Hana.

I didn’t realize it at first.

While playing a board game with the kids during club time, watching Hong Yeonhwa do a punishment, I glanced at the mirror on the wall.

And I noticed that I was smiling brightly.

When was the last time I smiled like this?

My mouth, always twisted in pain, was now smiling.

Countless trivial thoughts filled my mind.

When the sun rises tomorrow, I’ll die.

Death.

Who can fully grasp the weight of that word?

No matter how smart someone is, if they are alive, it’s impossible to truly understand death.

Because they haven’t died before.

I know, too.

I’ll be reborn three days after I die.

But what if I don’t?

What if, as Han Si-hyun suggested, my power isn’t rebirth?

Since my soul isn’t really Yoo Hana, maybe that could be a possibility?

Even if it isn’t Han Si-hyun’s words, what if I fail to meet the conditions for rebirth?

I’ve thought through the plan as carefully as possible, but variables can always arise.

My body for rebirth might disappear.

If someone witnesses the moment of my rebirth, it’s over.

As a mere human, I can’t be certain of the future.

The fear of not being reborn and dying forever chokes me.

I never had these thoughts before.

My life was stained with only pain.

Yoo Hana’s life gave me no happiness at all.

But now, it’s different.

I found fragments of happiness, however small.

I only just found it.

So what if I’m a little behind?

So what if I’m the only powerless student in the academy?

If I can enjoy school life with friends who like me…

Maybe I could find happiness?

This tempting thought lingers in my mind.

Whose voice is whispering this to me?

A demon? Or an angel?

If I surrender to this temptation and choose not to end my life…

What kind of life awaits me afterward?

“Hana.”

“…Yeah.”

“It’s okay.”

Sophie hugged me gently from behind.

The moment I felt her warmth, I realized I was trembling.

“I just can’t seem to sleep tonight.”

“…Yeah.”

“Shall we get some fresh air?”

—

We went up to the dormitory rooftop.

The cool night breeze completely chased away my drowsiness.

It felt like I’d be awake all night, but I didn’t mind.

I liked this refreshing feeling.

“…What are you doing?”

“Hehe, lie down too!”

Suddenly, Sophie lay down on the ground.

It didn’t look very hygienic.

I frowned for a moment, then let out a small chuckle.

Who cares about hygiene for someone planning to die tomorrow?

I just lay down beside her.

Normally, you’d lean on the railing in situations like this, right?

Whatever.

Surprisingly, it didn’t feel bad to lie down like this.

Actually, it felt nice.

“This should really be done in an open field.”

“A cold cement floor.”

“Hehe. But it’s not bad, right? The important thing is the sky, not the ground.”

True.

Who cares if the ground is hard and dirty?

The sky above us was so beautiful.

Thousands of sparkling stars.

It was like jewels were placed one by one in the sky.

For the moment, I felt no worries or concerns.

Massive galaxies shining brightly in the faraway sky.

Compared to that, my worries felt so trivial.

Even if I die, those stars will keep shining, oblivious.

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“Yeah, they are.”

“You know, looking at those stars makes me feel sad for some reason.”

“Why?”

Sophie silently gazed at the stars before answering.

“Because I’m not as beautiful as those stars.”

I immediately replied to that.

“No, you’re beautiful too.”

“Hehe. But I don’t shine like them.”

Why does she look down on herself so much?

To me, Sophie is more precious than those balls of gas in the sky.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“If someone betrayed you, could you forgive them?”

A sudden, out-of-nowhere question.

Why would Sophie ask something like that?

After thinking for a moment, I answered honestly.

“Depends on the situation… but I think it’s hard to forgive.”

“That’s true, isn’t it?”

“Why do you ask?”

“It just crossed my mind. Hehe.”

I couldn’t imagine Sophie betraying anyone.

Does that mean the opposite?

Was Sophie betrayed by someone?

Is she struggling to decide whether to forgive them?

Is that why she feels she’s not beautiful?

In this kind of situation, you’re supposed to say something inspiring.

Unfortunately, I’m not good with words.

So I just gave her a simple, meaningless answer.

“…Just do what feels right for you.”

Sophie quietly pondered my words before softly saying,

“Follow my heart… Yeah. Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Though I, myself, don’t even understand my own heart.

What is it I truly want?

Is it right to go through with my plan to end my life?

Or, even now…

If I choose to end it, I’d be saying goodbye to Sophie and everyone I met at the academy.

“I want to be a star.”

“…What?”

An unexpected life goal.

And a pretty hard one to achieve at that.

Sophie stretched out her hand as if trying to grab a star.

“I want to be a bright, shining star like that.”

“…But if you become a star, you’d have to leave everyone behind.”

Sophie looked at me with wide eyes, then laughed and responded confidently.

“No way! I’d be with them forever!”

“…How?”

“Because no matter where you are, you can always see me. And I’ll be watching over you from my starlight.”

…

Should I call that pure?

Maybe she doesn’t really believe it, but still.

“The important thing is the heart.”

“The heart?”

“Yeah. As long as we think of each other, we’re always together.”

“…Maybe you’re right.”

I understood Sophie’s words.

The heart is what matters.

Yeah, maybe that’s true.

Even if I disappear, Sophie will move forward.

She’s stronger than I am.

—

Let’s end this.

I’ll end my life.

The happiness I felt today is like a fragile candle flame that could go out at any time.

But when I die and come back, I’ll be better.

Like a shining star.

I’ll awaken my abilities, cure my illness, and shine brightly.

Then I’ll come back.

Back to the academy.

Of course, it’ll ruin the original story, but that’s okay.

The original story was broken anyway when Han Si-hyun moved to another class.

So, it’s right to help Kim Si woo and prevent incidents.

I won’t run away like a coward.

I’m scared, though.

So scared that I’m trembling.

But I believe.

The priest said unwavering faith changes reality.

So, I’ll believe it too.

As long as we think of each other, we’re always together.

“It’s getting cold… Should we go back?”

“Yeah.”

“Think you can sleep now?”

“Yeah. Thanks to you.”

I’ll become a star.

A shining star.

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