Fantastic Dream Upon This Wonderful Existence

"Good evening, Alexei dono, my name is Satou Kazuma," I bowed politely at him. "We are here under the orders of the princess to capture the Chivalrous Thief,"

"And you came to my mansion without any hesitation?"

"Of course," I smiled at him. "You are obviously someone who will be targeted by the chivalrous thief."

The old man faltered under my gaze before looking everyone else. He still has that hungry look on his face when looking at Darkness and his gaze lingers on Aqua before stopping.

The goddess moved herself behind me.

"… Oh… Oh! As expected of Lady Dustiness's companion, how beautiful! And you also have a beautiful voice, I watched your performance the other day!"

His eyes moved on to Yunyun. The crimson demon looked down a little in slight embarrassment.

"And you are… I heard you're the chief's daughter of the Crimson Demon Village? Your beautiful figure truly matches your status,"

Finally, he turned to Megumin and Liz.

"And you are…" his words faltered after seeing Liz glaring at him with silted eyes and Megumin giving him 'do it, I double dare you' look. "…the strongest member of the Fantastic Dreamers, right?"

"Oh? What else?" Megumin asked.

"And you look, really cute and pretty…"

Megumin simply nodded, satisfied, before looking at me. "Well, since we have permission to stay as long as we want, I will look for our room," she then stepped into the mansion, followed by Aqua, Liz, and Yunyun.

That only leaves me with Darkness and Alderp. The latter then led us to the living room so we could talk more about the plan.

We sat down on a sofa facing each other. Megumin and the rest already went for the guest room.

"Well then, Kazuma dono, tell me your plan," Alderp said.

"It's simply really, I will scour your mansion looking for a place the Chivalrous Thief might enter from. Then my team and I will work in shifts. I will mostly take the night shift since I'm used to staying up late."

"Are you sure you can take care of the Chivalrous Thief yourself?"

"I'm confident in my ability to do so," I told him. "As for my teammates," I looked down in deep thought. "Yunyun, the Chief's Daughter of the Crimson Demon might be capable of doing that too. I'm also confident in my daughter's ability. As for Megumin… she's powerful, but I'm afraid she might just blow up this place…"

"Please don't do that,"

"Yes, I'll go and station Megumin with Darkness then," I turned to Darkness. "Is it fine with you, Darkness?"

"I'm fine with it Kazuma, Megumin can provide the firepower and I can provide the defense."

"As for Aqua… to be honest, she's just here for a backup if anyone gets hurt. She won't take part in the patrol. Is this fine with you, Alderp dono?"

Alderp nodded. "Yes, it is fine,"

With that, Darkness and I went upstairs to talk in length about our mission. I decided not to reveal my true mission to anyone but Megumin. Partly because Paradox requested that Chris's identity as the Chivalrous Thief has to be kept a secret and that Vanir kept telling me that 'something really good' will happen if only Megumin knows about it.

Spoiler alert, it was not good. Not good at all. I regretted not telling everyone about the real plan. It was the single most horrible mistake in my entire life and I regretted ever trusting that devil. God fucking dammit!

---

First day…

I was patrolling around Alderp's mansion. I thought about what I would do if I was the Chivalrous Thief. Where exactly is the perfect place to strike from and planned an escape route for myself.

I soon made it to the kitchen, the window is worn out. Probably because Alderp's too stingy with the repairs. I imagined the thief would think of the same thing and now I imagined myself sneaking through the house.

Hmm… After Chris broke into this house… The corridor will be dark, if she's really a thief then she can't use the farsight skill. That means her vision will be limited, but she can still sense an enemy coming and disarm any traps.

I shouldn't waste my time preparing a trap then… I need to prepare an ambush.

After breaking in, the thief will probably try to keep a low profile. She will then move to the nearest room and probably silenced a few maids or guards if there is any. Locks are useless against thief so we'll she might go to the nearest door.

That one!

I slipped into the door with practiced lurking movement. The one inside it doesn't seem to notice me.

Wait, isn't that Alderp? What is he doing cleaning a mirror by himself… And it shows, oh, it's like a CCTV camera! That's so cool! Why didn't he tell me that he has a CCTV camera? It'll be extremely useful for our mission!

I was about to ask him that when I realized where the mirror is pointing at. A maid is walking into the shower room and started cleaning it. The maid stripped down to her underwear as the uniform will be on her way.

Hmm… This can be a fine addition to the mansion…

Okay, look, I know what you're thinking. 'But Kazuma, you're already married, are you really that much of a degenerate that you would lust over other girls?' But that's where you are wrong dear readers.

For you see… A consensual love between me and Megumin is great, but it's totally different from peeking on innocent girls. There's just something about, the innocence and the ignorance of a girl being peeked that…

Look, it's perverted, but it's a whole different kind of perverted. Comparing peeking on girls and actually fucking girls is like comparing between a sweet candy and a full course meal.

It's totally different! No! Stop judging me for peeking girls!

"Ahem," I cleared my throat.

Alderp stiffened and turned around. He sighed a little the moment he set his eyes on me. "Oh, Kazuma dono…" he turned back to the mirror. "Do you want to… see?"

"What makes you think I want to?"

"Because you are a deviant who steals girl's underwear in public?"

I sat down beside him. "I don't want to. On another unrelated note, where did you get this?" I put a hand on the mirror and began scanning it. "Nevermind, I think I can make it."

We just sat there and watched the semi-naked maid cleaning the shower room. She then accidentally knocked on the water and drenched her underwear.

Come on, come on, you know it's wet, you know it's uncomfortable. Yeah, check the door, it's locked, don't worry…

Alderp and I pumped our fist victoriously. We watched in concentration as the girl began stripping in the bathroom. She then continued cleaning up the room like it's a normal thing to do.

See? This… ignorance! Like, she's really not trying to be sexy or eye catching, it only makes her even more sexy and eye catching. Like, how do I explain this? Peeking on girls is the best! It's something you can't ever have from even the most professional succubus!

"It seems like you're enjoying it, Kazuma dono,"

"I neither deny nor admit that statement."

"Say, can you tell me when Lalatina usually takes a bath?"

"Figure it out yourself. Then again, why are you so hungry for Lalatina anyway?"

"You mean you don't? Ah, right, you're into little girls…"

"How dare you! Well you're into old hags."

"Don't you call Lalatina old hag you pedophile!"

"I'm not a pedophile, my wife is of legal age! If anything, you're the pedophile you old geezer!"

"It's not the age that matters to me… It's their maturity… I mean, do you really think your flat-chested wife is more beautiful than Lalatina, the one with the sexiest most beautiful body in the kingdom?"

"Of course! Darkness might have a beautiful body but she's too erotic for my taste. I prefer the ones that look so cute and innocent but can become extremely wild once you push the right buttons…"

"I see… If only we have a middle path we could take…"

"Hmm… Yunyun?"

"You mean the chief's daughter? Yes, she's definitely quite a looker. And she looks quite young also. How old is she really?"

"Oh, she's Megumin's age. And yes, she is quite a looker. Lots of people thinks of her as the prettiest girl in my party, second only to Aqua."

"You mean the Archpriest? Ahh, yes, she's an odd one. She's extremely beautiful, I'd even go as far as to compare her with a goddess but… I don't find her… attractive? In that way?"

"That's one of Aqua's unique traits. No one finds her erotic no matter how much someone like her. Heck, she doesn't ever wear underwear and no one tries to peek on her."

"Really? Wait… you're right… I don't even feel interested in peeking at her. What a peculiar girl…"

"By the way, Alderp, if you're only lusting over Darkness, why don't you ask a succubus dream service?"

"I don't want to spoil the experience with a dream, besides, I wanted to make her mine not just have her service me for a night."

I rolled my eyes and we looked back at the mirror. The maid has finally finished cleaning down the bathroom. There doesn't seem to be anyone going to use it so Alderp turned off the mirror, turning it into a regular mirror.

"I still think you're an ugly bastard by the way,"

"The feeling is mutual Kazuma dono,"

We shook hands and vowed to never bring this up ever again.