Does Spring Come Even for a Dying Esper

What is this?

Iberis barely managed to hold back the scream that was about to burst out. The shame he thought had subsided suddenly surged. He bit his lip, feeling his nape burning hot. He never dreamed he’d be in such an awkward situation in his life.

“Can you get up? I’ll escort you to the bathroom.”

Lucas, easily guessing Iberis’s state, extended his hand. Unlike Iberis, who was shuddering with embarrassment, Lucas remained calm.

“…”

How can he be like that? Iberis stared at Lucas’s hand in disbelief. While he felt like dying of shame, Lucas seemed genuinely unbothered.

“Major?”

Lucas tilted his head as Iberis blankly stared at his hand.

“Huu…”

Glaring at Lucas as if extremely annoyed, Iberis took the offered hand. He wanted to refuse Lucas’s help, but his legs were weak, making it impossible to walk to the bathroom alone. Yet it felt uncomfortable to stay still until he could move.

“Excuse me.”

Once Iberis consented, Lucas picked him up with practiced ease. Having carried Iberis to the bathroom several times after mana showers left him drained, it was now as natural as breathing.

“Take your time washing up.”

Lucas set Iberis down on the bathtub with familiarity and retreated with his usual expression. However, the moment the door closed, his composed facade crumbled.

“Hmm…”

Lucas leaned against the closed door and lowered his gaze. Confirming his still excited state below, he roughly ran his hand through his hair.

This time was really dangerous.

His golden eyes, darker than usual, grew even more intense. Lucas closed his eyes, listening to the water sounds from inside. He wasn’t sure how long he could endure in this state.

* * *

Strange.

Brenda thought, looking at Iberis sitting in front of her. His complexion had clearly improved compared to a few days ago, but his expression was oddly off. Moreover, he kept losing focus on work yesterday and today, his mind frequently elsewhere.

“Major.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Brenda carefully spoke up. It seemed work wouldn’t progress in this state.

“Huh? Yes?”

Lost in thought, Iberis blinked at Brenda’s voice calling him. Realizing he had been distracted, he apologized with an embarrassed look.

“Sorry, I was…”

“Is something wrong? You’ve seemed unable to concentrate on work these past few days…”

“It’s nothing. I’m just a bit tired.”

“Really?”

Brenda asked, sounding unconvinced. Her instincts, honed over years as Iberis’s adjutant, were telling her something. He clearly had some major concern.

“If you have any worries, please feel free to talk to me. I’m your adjutant, after all.”

“Thanks. But really, it’s nothing…”

Iberis smiled faintly as if it were truly nothing. He did have a concern, but he couldn’t bring himself to voice it.

“…I understand. It might not be much help, but please call me anytime if you need someone to talk to.”

Seeing Iberis refuse to talk, Brenda didn’t press further. From experience, she knew he wouldn’t say more even if she kept asking.

“Then I’ll be going now. Captain Illum requested your attendance at the medical officer meeting.”

“…Oh, right. Take care.”

Iberis replied a beat late when Brenda mentioned Lucas’s call. Fortunately, his expression didn’t falter. He gestured with his chin for Brenda to go ahead.

“Haa…”

Iberis, who had barely maintained a smile, let out a heavy sigh as soon as Brenda disappeared from view. Then he sank into his chair with a tired expression.

“Get it together…”

To think he’d been so absent-minded that even Brenda noticed – what an unsightly display. Iberis covered his face with both hands and berated himself.

But he couldn’t help it. He was still reeling from the shock of that morning two days ago. Whenever he let his guard down slightly, the sensations from that moment kept coming back, making it hard to focus on work. The impact of that first-time pleasure was that tremendous.

“This is driving me crazy.”

Iberis sighed again and rubbed his face. Though he probably wasn’t actually feverish, thinking about that time made his cheeks and nape feel hot. As if the heat from that day still lingered in his body.

The frustrating part was that while he kept being conscious of what happened days ago, Lucas remained extremely calm. He wondered how Lucas could be so brazen, what kind of nerves he had.

Then again, if he were the type to worry about things becoming awkward, he wouldn’t have done such a thing in the first place.

Iberis clenched his fist, recalling how Lucas had treated him no differently than usual yesterday and today. After living together for months, he had a pretty good understanding of what kind of person Lucas was.

Lucas was extremely self-centered and didn’t care at all about others’ opinions. While his surrounding environment, which praised him for everything he did, played a part in shaping this personality, he seemed to have been born with an arrogant and self-righteous nature.

Is it because he’s from a noble background?

Iberis lowered his eyes, recalling Lucas’s background that he had read about before. Though nobility as a status was little more than a nostalgic concept in modern times, invisible class distinctions still existed in England, Lucas’s country of origin.

In places like England, where class-based discrimination lingered in people’s consciousness and social atmosphere, it was natural to develop a sense of entitlement.

Moreover, Lucas had been praised as a genius before joining the military, skipping grades and graduating early from medical school. After joining the Defense Force, he enjoyed all sorts of privileges as a rare S-class guide under the patronage of Lieutenant General Winfried. Except for losing his parents and becoming an orphan in childhood, his life could be described as smooth sailing.

Perhaps because of this, Lucas was confident and self-assured in everything. He had extremely high self-esteem. As a result, he tended to push his own opinions without compromise. He also had the power to make what he wanted possible. Iberis himself had been constantly swayed by Lucas since meeting him.

‘Despite your words, your body seems to like it.’

‘Look, it’s gotten even harder.’

Iberis frowned deeply at the irritating voice echoing in his ears. In truth, he was angrier at himself than at Lucas. If he had genuinely disliked and refused it, Lucas would have stopped midway.

But Iberis didn’t. More precisely, he couldn’t. As Lucas said, while he verbally expressed dislike, there was a desire in the corner of his heart craving even more pleasure. That’s why he couldn’t push away Lucas’s touch.

Have I always been this lustful?

Overwhelmed with self-loathing, Iberis groaned and buried his face in his desk. He was so sensitive to physical contact that he would flinch at simple skinship, let alone sexual stimulation.

While thinking it was unavoidable due to unfamiliarity, something still felt off. It wasn’t just a lack of immunity to erotic acts, but rather a feeling of being weak to Lucas himself.

“Ah… damn it.”

As Iberis carefully recalled everything that had happened, unable to overcome the rising embarrassment, he repeatedly banged his forehead on the desk. The more he remembered, the more he felt he had shown shameful sides of himself to Lucas.

Is it because of his appearance that weakens my resolve? Or his way with words that captivates me?

Iberis pondered why he couldn’t genuinely refuse Lucas. The feelings he now had for Lucas were different from what he felt for Brenda or Adrian. That’s why it was all the more confusing.

Feeling anxious about these elusive, hard-to-define emotions, Iberis bit his lower lip. If his feelings for Brenda were camaraderie and responsibility, and those for bereaved families like Adrian were guilt and indebtedness, then what he felt for Lucas was…

Knock knock.

Startled by the sudden knocking sound, Iberis flinched like a guilty person, snapping out of his reverie.

“Major!”

“…Brenda?”

Iberis slightly furrowed his brow at the voice that followed. He couldn’t understand why Brenda, who had left just minutes ago to attend the medical officer meeting, had returned.

“What’s the matter?”

Feeling inexplicably uneasy, Iberis stood up. At the same time, the door opened and Brenda entered with a flustered expression. Before he could even wonder about her unsettling appearance, a bombshell dropped from her lips.

“Former Major General Logan is here.”