2 Broke Girls x 1 Rich Man [TV series 2 Broke Girls ff]

NEED MORE POWERSTONES 

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The tension in the bakery had shifted drastically.

A minute ago, it was your standard armed robbery. Now?

Now, it was a horror show.

Because Caroline? She was still peeing.

Max, who had been ready to pull some kind of badass move, now just stood there, hands on her hips, watching the crime scene unfold like she had just ordered premium seats to the most awkward disaster in history.

The robbers were equally horrified.

The tall one, who had been acting tough, was visibly struggling to maintain his composure. He kept glancing at Caroline, then at the growing puddle beneath her, then back at his partner.

The shorter robber? He was DONE. His hands were trembling like he had just witnessed something truly traumatic. "What the f*** is wrong with you?! I said empty the register, not—NOT empty your damn bladder!"

Caroline, now standing in her own personal puddle of shame, whimpered in despair. "I can't stop it, okay? My body betrayed me. I am under a lot of stress right now."

The tall robber stepped back even further, like he thought the urine might somehow reach out and grab him. "Man, I... I don't know about this, dude…"

Max, wiping away a tear from laughing too hard, finally took control of the situation.

"Alright, alright. Let's all calm down," she said, clapping her hands together. "Caroline's clearly having an emotional reaction to this moment, and quite frankly, I think you should be ashamed of yourselves."

The short robber blinked. "What?!"

Max pointed at Caroline, who was now hyperventilating, her legs still shaking.

"Look at her. She is a delicate but beautiful creature, and you broke her." Max threw up her hands. "Do you even know how hard it is to get pee out of tile grout? Do you?"

The tall robber, now looking less like a criminal and more like a man deeply questioning his life choices, scratched his head. "Uh… I mean…"

"And another thing," Max continued, stepping forward. "We run a LEGITIMATE business here. Do you have any idea how hard it is to run a bakery? The taxes? The rent? The occasional arson attempt, long story—THE FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE?!"

The short robber flinched. "O-okay, but we're here to rob you..."

"OH, PLEASE," Max scoffed, crossing her arms. "Rob us? With WHAT? You pointed at us. You don't even have a damn gun, do you?" 

The short robber's eye twitched. "I..."

"ADMIT IT," Max continued. "You literally shoved your hand in your pocket and made a finger-gun because you thought we'd be stupid enough to believe you had an actual weapon."

The two robbers glanced at each other. The tall one looked guilty.

Max gasped dramatically. "OH MY GOD, YOU ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE A GUN. YOU'RE JUST TWO DUMBASSES TRYING TO ROB A CUPCAKE SHOP." She took a wild gamble and it turned out to be true.

Caroline, who had finally stopped peeing, gasped in betrayal. "WE WERE THREATENED BY IMAGINARY VIOLENCE?!"

The shorter robber, now furious at being exposed, pointed a finger at Max. "S-SHUT UP! IT DOESN'T MATTER! WE'RE STILL TWO MEN AND..." He took out a knife. "I GOT A KNIFE. I'LL SLICE YOU UP BIG TITS AND THEN YOU... YOU FLAT CHEST."

"Hey, you don't have to rub it on her face," The tall one whispered at the shorter one. 

"Wtf is wrong with you? We are robbing them. We are cutthroat robbers. Act like one," The shorter one grumbled.

"But this is our first..." The taller one tried to argue.

"Shut it. Let me talk. You just shut up..." The shorter one shut him up.

Caroline, still trying to recover from her emotional meltdown, let out a high-pitched squeak and stumbled backward—only to slip on her own pee puddle. She yelped, arms flailing wildly, before landing flat on her ass with a loud splat.

"Oh, c'mon," she wailed.

Max, meanwhile, had gone deadly silent.

She slowly turned her head to look at the knife, then back at the robber holding it. Her usual smirk faded, replaced by something much more dangerous.

"Oh," she said, her voice eerily calm. "So, we've upgraded from fake gun threats to knives, huh?"

The shorter robber, sensing a shift in energy, tightened his grip on the knife but hesitated. "Y-yeah! That's right. And if you don't..."

Max stepped forward.

The guy flinched.

Max grinned.

"Oh, honey," she cooed, tilting her head. "You think I'm scared of a little knife? That's adorable."

Caroline, still sitting in a puddle of her own shame, finally snapped back to reality. "MAX, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HE HAS A KNIFE!" 

Max rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I have a deep well of suppressed rage and a lifetime of questionable decisions backing me up, so let's see who wins."

The taller robber, who had been silent for most of this interaction, took another step back. "Uh, bro… I don't know if we should..."

Before he could finish, the bakery door slammed open with the force of a goddamn hurricane.

And standing there, silhouetted by the streetlights like some kind of avenging angel in an expensive coat, was Alex fucking Wilson.*

A gust of wind from outside ruffled his hair. His sharp blue eyes took in the scene—the two masked robbers, Max looking ready to murder someone, and Caroline sitting in a puddle of water. 

'Don't tell me she peed,' Alex wondered. 

There was a long silence.

Then, Alex blinked.

"…Do I even want to know what's happening here?"

Caroline, on the verge of emotional collapse, pointed a shaky finger at the robbers. "We're… w-we're being r-robbed! And I peed. Please don't look at me. I am at my lowest point." She somehow stood up and her clothes were soaking in her own golden shower.

Max, still locked in a death stare with the short guy holding the knife, grinned without breaking eye contact. "Yeah, and they were just about to learn why that was a very, very bad idea."

Alex exhaled. He set down his bag and rolled his shoulders like he was about to handle business. 'So, this is the quest. Luckily I made it in time or else Max might have got hurt..." He looked at Max. "Oh, who am I kidding? She would have ended up smashing them to a pulp and probably would have killed one by mistake and would have got arrested for murder.'

The shorter robber, realizing this was no longer going according to plan, panicked. "S-STAY BACK, RICH BOY!" He waved the knife around wildly. "I MEAN IT! Ain't that Rolex?" His eyes went toward Alex's wrist. "GIve it to me."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "A knife?" He sighed, shaking his head. "That's cute." 

The shorter robber barely had time to process what was happening before Alex moved.

Not walked. Not ran.

Moved.

One second, Alex was standing by the door. The next, he was a blur, an unstoppable force of pure violence.

Before the shorter robber could even react, Alex grabbed his wrist, twisted it with a sharp, practiced movement, and CRACK.

The knife clattered to the floor as the robber let out a bloodcurdling scream.

"AAAHHHH—"

His scream was cut off when Alex's open palm slapped the absolute soul out of him.

CRACK!

It wasn't just a slap. It was a slap of divine punishment.

A slap so powerful, the guy's ear ruptured on impact.

A slap so unholy, four of his teeth shot out of his mouth like popcorn kernels.

A slap so goddamn disrespectful, the poor bastard spun in a full circle before collapsing onto the floor, twitching.

Max, having witnessed this raw display of dominance, whistled. "Damn, Moneybags. You trying to slap him into another timeline?"

Alex cracked his knuckles. "Depends. How many timelines does he have left?"

The taller robber, who had been stuck in horror mode this entire time, instinctively took a step back. He knew he should run. He knew he should leave his friend behind and get the hell out of there.

But his hesitation was a mistake.

Because Max fucking Black was already standing before him.

And Max? She didn't hesitate.

With zero warning, she pulled her leg back and swung her entire soul into a nut-shattering kick of justice.

THWACK!

The taller robber's entire existence crumbled.

His soul left his body.

His knees buckled instantly, his hands instinctively shot to his crotch, and the only sound that came out of his mouth was a high-pitched, wheezing "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

His eyes rolled back. His entire body collapsed in slow motion.

Max stepped back, hands on her hips. "Damn. That was satisfying."

Caroline, who was still a soaking mess of trauma, gawked at her. "YOU JUST ENDED HIS BLOODLINE!"

Max shrugged. "Should've picked a different career."

Alex nudged the guy on the ground with his foot. The robber let out a pathetic whimper.

"Yep," Alex said, unimpressed. "He's done. Probably won't have kids after this, either."

Max dusted off her hands. "Good. One less idiot in the world."

The shorter robber, still twitching from the slap of doom, attempted to crawl away.

Alex stepped on his back, pinning him effortlessly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alex asked, his voice low, dangerous.

The robber let out a weak sob. "P-please… m-m-my ears… t-the ringing won't stop… I… I taste blood…!"

Alex crouched down beside him, gripping the back of his head. His voice was calm. Too calm.

"You tried to hurt my girls. Big mistake."

The robber whimpered.

Alex reached down and grabbed the guy's arm. 

The shorter robber barely had time to react before...

CRACK!

Alex twisted the guy's arm and popped it out of its socket like he was removing the lid from a stubborn jar.

A bloodcurdling scream tore through the bakery.

"AAAHHHHHHHH—"

Alex sighed. "Oh, come on. That was barely anything. Don't be so dramatic."

Max whistled, impressed. "Damn, Moneybags. That was cold."

Caroline, still recovering from her earlier humiliation, whimpered. "I think I'm gonna throw up."

The taller robber, who was still curled up in the fetal position clutching his destroyed manhood, let out a strangled, high-pitched sob. He was trying, desperately, to scoot away without drawing attention.

Unfortunately for him, Max noticed.

"Oh, no, no, no," she said, stepping over to him. "Where do you think you're going, you nutless wonder?"

The guy flinched, groaning in pain. "P-please… j-just let me go…"

Max tapped her chin, pretending to think. "Hmm… let me consider that…"

Then she turned to Alex. "Nah."

Alex smirked. "Yeah, I don't think so."

And then...

CRACK!

With one swift motion, Alex grabbed the taller robber's arm and dislocated it just as effortlessly as the first.

Another scream filled the air.

Caroline covered her ears. "OH GOD, I CAN HEAR IT POPPING."

Max clapped. "Ooooh, I love this new side of you, Moneybags."

The taller robber sobbed like a wounded animal. "WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

Alex leaned down, gripping the guy's hair, forcing him to look up. His voice was soft, almost soothing. "Because you threatened my girls." His smile widened. "It's as simple as that."

The shorter robber, still wheezing from his own dislocated limb, whimpered. "Y-you're insane…"

Alex patted his head condescendingly. "And you're an idiot. But don't worry, the police will be here soon."

The robbers stiffened. "W-what?!"

Alex pulled out his phone and casually pressed the dial button. "Oh, yeah. I called them before entering."

Both robbers started panicking, squirming on the floor like worms.

Max grinned. "And with those broken arms, you guys are gonna have a real fun time trying to resist arrest."

The shorter robber sobbed. "P-please…"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Relax. You'll live."

Caroline, still standing in the corner looking like a traumatized deer, finally found her voice. "I-I need a shower."

Max, never one to let an opportunity for humiliation go to waste, grinned like the devil himself. "Well, Blondie," she drawled, stretching her arms over her head. "I always knew you'd find a way to make your mark in this world, but damn, I didn't think it'd be a golden one. Kinky."

Caroline's head snapped up so fast it was a miracle she didn't break her neck. "MAX."

Max just cackled, leaning against the counter. "I mean, talk about making an impression! I don't think these dumbasses will ever recover. You literally peed the fight out of them!"

The shorter robber, still whimpering on the floor, muttered, "I'll never forget this… every time I hear running water… I'll have flashbacks…"

"You are still talking?" Alex kicked the short one's stomach. "Oowww! Stop, man. I am sorry."

Caroline let out a sound of pure agony and sprinted toward the bakery's backroom. "I AM TAKING A SHOWER, AND NONE OF YOU BETTER SAY ANOTHER WORD!"

Max cupped her hands around her mouth. "Make sure to aim for the toilet this time!"

Caroline's scream echoed from the bathroom, followed by the violent SLAM of the door.

Alex pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "You really don't let up, do you?"

Max shrugged. "Listen, Moneybags, if I let up now, I wouldn't be Max Black."

Before Alex could respond, the wail of sirens cut through the night air.

The cops had arrived.

Two officers, one male and one female, stood at the entrance of the bakery, taking in the absolute mess before them. The place was mostly intact, but the real disaster lay sprawled on the floor—two broken, twitching robbers, one drenched tile floor, and a casually smug Alex Wilson leaning against the counter with Max standing beside him, grinning like a kid who just got away with setting off fireworks indoors.

Officer #1, a stern-looking man in his late 40s, crossed his arms. "So… what exactly happened here?"

Max gestured dramatically at the floor. "Well, Officer, these two dumbasses came in thinking they could rob us."

Officer #2, a woman in her 30s, raised an eyebrow. "And yet, they're the ones on the floor looking like they went twelve rounds with a grizzly bear."

Alex smirked. "I wouldn't say grizzly bear… maybe just some mild justice."

The shorter robber, still clutching his dislocated arm, whimpered. "H-he's insane… h-he broke my arm like it was nothing…"

The taller robber groaned from where he lay curled up, still recovering from Max's nut-shattering kick of justice. "M-my balls… they're gone… I can feel them dying…"

Officer #1 scribbled something down on his notepad. "…Severe groin trauma…"

Max gave him finger guns. "You're damn right."

Officer #2 sighed. "So, let me get this straight. You two handled the situation before we even got here?"

Alex nodded. "Yep."

Max popped her gum. "Sure did."

There was a pause.

Then Officer #1 muttered, "Huh. Good work."

Officer #2 shot him a look. "Derek."

Derek shrugged. "What? I mean, technically, they stopped a crime in progress. Sure, it was… excessive, but they're not the bad guys here."

The shorter robber tried one last desperate attempt. "B-but they..."

Derek silenced him with a deadpan stare. "Buddy, you tried to rob a bakery and ended up crying on the floor, covered in what looks like piss. This is not a win for you."

The shorter robber whimpered.

The taller one coughed weakly. "C-can I at least get an ice pack for my… my…"

Max patted his shoulder in mock sympathy. "Nah, dude. Your balls are past saving."

Alex turned to Officer Derek. "So… do we need to file a report, or are we good here?"

Derek gave him a once-over. "Normally, I'd say yes, but let's be real... these guys aren't exactly gonna press charges after what you did to them. We'll take it from here."

Officer #2 sighed. "Well, have a good night."

They took those poor noob robbers away.

A few minutes later...

Caroline finally emerged from the backroom, freshly showered, wearing a pair of pajama shorts and a hoodie. Her hair was still damp, her face burning with embarrassment.

"I am never talking about this again," she announced, marching straight past everyone toward the counter.

Max, of course, had no intention of letting it go. "You sure? 'Cause I feel like this is the kind of story that needs to be told to future generations."

Caroline grabbed the nearest cupcake and shoved it straight into Max's mouth. "Shut. Up."

Max, mouth full of frosting, gave her a thumbs-up.

Alex shook his head, watching the two of them bicker.

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[7 advance chs] + [3 chs of Two and a Half Men] [All chs available for all tiers] 

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