1st in class hides regression

“So, you’re switching from me to him now?” 

Seo Jae-gyeom’s question sounded sarcastic, and I said only one word.

 “Yes?” 

Honestly, it is.

 

You don’t know if I’m dating Jung Eun-sung or Jang Woo-san, do you, Seo Jae-gyeom?

 

* * *

 “Aigoo.” 

This day has been too long.

 

I’ve been arguing in the morning, digging up black history, and fighting with a bully during lunch.

 

In the fifth period, I’m drained of energy by Seo Jae-gyeom talking to me.

 

He didn’t say anything more after I said,

“Yes?”

to his question,

“Are you going to change your target now?”

But after that, whenever Jung Eun-sung and I were together, Jae-gyeom’s expression was strange.

 

He seemed to think that I had dumped him and that I was hanging out with another boy in front of him.

 

Jae-gyeom thought I was using Jung Eun-sung to make him jealous.

 

If you look closely, Seo Jae-gyeom is also secretly self-conscious.

 

Maybe it’s because he’s been a popular boy his entire life, which is only 18 years.

 

‘If I had the charm to attract Jung Eun-sung just to make him jealous, I would have succeeded in wooing you long ago, Seo Jae-gyeom.’

 

I muttered to myself and turned into the alley that led to my neighborhood.

 

After lunch, fifth period, sixth period, seventh period, and then bell.

 

I was nervous throughout my afternoon classes, expecting Song Yeo-reum to find me at the next break and drag me to the restroom or grab me by the hair, but thankfully that didn’t happen.

 

She wasn’t even waiting at the front door to kidnap me on my way out the door.

 

I still walk home with my guard up, just in case. I’m ready to throw my bag and run if I have to.

 

As I wait for the crosswalk to turn green, I write down my study plan in a notepad on my smartphone.

 “First, I’ll check how far I’ve forgotten math and work on it step by step, and for Korean and English, I’ll practice solving problems…” “Hey, it’s Dahye! Kang Dahye!” “Huh? Ah… Hi.” “Are you done with school now?” “Yes.” 

They called me to a group of women huddled in plastic chairs in front of a beauty salon.

 

Dark gray towels wrapped around their heads, the smell of chemicals thick in the air. 

 

Lipstick-stained paper cups and old sweets, squid, scattered across the table.

 “School gets out early these days, huh?” 

The woman spoke one more time before I remembered who she was.

 

It was the landlady of our villa.

 

I didn’t recognize her at first.

 

She’s gotten a lot younger, too.

 “You look like you just got a new hair color.” “Yes, I’m dyeing my hair gray, and I’m also thirsty.” “Have you been drinking coffee?” “Not coffee, soju! Would you like some Dahye?” “Ahhh, there’s nothing I can’t say to her!” 

The beauty salon lady next to her slapped the landlady on the back and laughed.

 “Dahye is big, don’t eat this, it’s tasteless, you’ll get fat!” 

‘I’ve already eaten plenty.’

 

I swallowed my retort and took another squid leg.

 

The landlady, who says she’s going to raise her granddaughter in about five years and won’t see her much because she’s moving down to the provinces, is the darling of the neighborhood.

 

She doesn’t know anybody, she doesn’t know any rumors, and she has a loud voice, so it gets tiring when you get the wrong picture.

 

By the way, when she found out I was top of the class in first grade, what did she say?

 

‘It doesn’t matter how good you are at school, if you don’t believe in Jesus, you’re going to hell.’

 

What did she tell me when I failed my SATs because I had a mental breakdown after being grabbed by the hair by an old man I didn’t know?

 

‘Pray through it. It’s God’s way of using you differently…’

 “So, you’re going home?” “Yes. I’m going to eat and go to the library.” “Don’t kids do that nowadays? My daughter just got home from school at eleven o’clock after dinner.” “Oh, Jiji’s mom, kids don’t do that anymore. They go to a cafe and order a daughter yobble and study, daughter yobble.” “What? What’s a strawberry? What’s a strawberry?” “I know! It’s a strawberry yogurt blend!” “Oh my! Mmmm!” “Ho-ho-ho! Mmmmmm!” “Hahaha… Get out….” 

I backpedaled away from the increasingly vocal ladies.

 “Hey, Dahye, aren’t you the ones who put the box trash in front of the pole?! No one will take it if you leave it there!” “Yeah, it wasn’t us~.” “If you see who it is, please tell Auntie, please!” “Okay~.” 

I quickly walked away and entered the familiar villa.

 “Ouch. I’m hungry.” 

I’m really hungry after not eating lunch.

 

Dumping my bag on the floor, I headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

 

And then.

 “There’s nothing to eat.” 

The only things in the fridge were kimchi with soup and gochujang at the bottom. I tried to eat that, but there was no rice.

 “Maybe I should have bought ramen.” 

But I bought Jisoo chocolate milk at the cafeteria after 5th period, so I don’t have 10 won right now…

 

I peeked inside the refrigerator, which was making a strange noise, then closed it and grabbed my bag.

 “I’ll go to my mom’s to eat.” 

My mom, who worked as a study and domestic helper when I was younger, now owns a three-table restaurant in the market.

 

She can be a bit temperamental, but she’s a good person. When I quit my job because of my back, she gave me her severance pay.

 

My mom, who still calls Seo Jae-gyeom’s mom Mrs. Seo.

 

By the way, Seo Jae-gyeom and I both don’t have dads.

 

My dad left home when I was young and… I don’t know about his dad, he’s probably back home now.

 “Be smart and ask for 10,000 yuan to buy a problem book.” 

I muttered something about being in college and being able to spend my own money and walked into the market.

 

Just one more block from here is the middle school I went to.

 

So all of my middle school classmates know that Kang Dahye is the daughter of the market’s tteokbokki.

 

We sometimes bump into each other at the store.

 

Before I regressed, I was so embarrassed that I would rather starve than eat there, but now I will go there to eat.

 

‘Why don’t you go? The tteokbokki is delicious. Japchae Tteokbokki is spicy wheat rice cake and vermicelli with sesame seeds sprinkled on top. You can order it with sundae and dip it in the soup, and it’s the most delicious thing in the world. You must try it!’

 “Mom!” 

I pushed through the old iron gate that looked more like a mill than a bunsik.

 “Mom, I’m home…huh?” 

My cheerful voice faded to a whisper.

 

The tiny shop was a mess.

 

Tteokbokki and sundae, cans of cola and eggs rolled across the floor, and kimbap stuffing spilled out of the tilted table.

 

Green plastic-covered plates and Styrofoam bowls lay under the table.

 

Soup splattered against the walls.

 

In the middle of it all, a mom on the floor was picking up the spilled tteokbokki and kimbap with her bare hands.

 “Oh, my daughter, are you home?” 

When she saw me, she wiped her hands on her apron as if embarrassed and stood up.

 “Mom, are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

I quickly grabbed a box of tissues from the table next to me.

 “What happened, did you drop it?” “No, I didn’t. Don’t stick your leg out from under the table and… Leave it, I’ll do it. Sit down.” “No, you can’t do this with your bare hands. Leave it, I’ll get a rag.” “No thanks. It’s faster to do it by hand. I’m in a hurry…” “Mom, you’ll burn your hands!” 

When you’re trying to stop your mom from sticking her hand in the steaming broth.

 “Auntie, so what about the tteokbokki, how long are we waiting?” 

The shrill voice landed on the top of my mom’s head and mine, both of which were prone.

 

At the same time, my white, clean sneakers stepped on the tteokbokki rice cakes my mom was picking up.

 

Black footprints appeared on the red seasoned rice cakes.

 “Auntie, your shoes are dirty, please wipe them here first.” “Give me some wipes, please.” 

A click.

 

At the same time, the faint sound of a camera rolling.

 

They giggle under their breath as if they heard it too.

 

I slowly raise my head.

 

Three people sitting at a table right in front of where my mom and I are squatting.

 

Familiar school uniforms. Hair straightened in the restroom at recess, a hair roll on my forehead. A face I hadn’t noticed before.

 “I think you’ve noticed.” “Of course I did, you idiot. The click was loud and clear.” “Oh, that’s funny. Kang Dahye’s mom is kneeling in front of us.” “Look at her nails. They’re dirty, dirty, dirty.” 

That was Song Yeo-reum  and her friends.

 

Song Yeo-reum’s handmaiden, who I had warned would appear on

“Teen Mom”

if she continued to live like this, showed Song Yeo-reum her cell phone screen.

 “It’s so funny. Look at this. Their picture looks stupid.” “Oh, forget it~ What about my shoes~ The soup is all over them!!!!! I can’t even sell them to buy new ones!” 

Song Yeo-reum stomped her foot on the soup spilled on the floor.

 

The soup splashed into the corner of my eyes.

 

When she made eye contact with me, she burst out laughing.